[atisketatasket]

There is often discussion of a therapist's boundaries on here. That is, the boundaries the therapist sets, such as on outside-of-session contact and touch.

But have you as a client ever set a boundary? Some client boundaries are implicit, such as the client deciding what to discuss in session; I mean explicitly.

I set two with No. 1: no touching, and she could not bring up certain medical issues I had. No. 2 hasn't needed any boundaries set.

Have you set boundaries? What were they? Why did you do it?

[wotchermuggle]

Yes. I said at no point was unwilling to ever bring a family member to session. I also told someone that I preferred they didn't get too close because I didn't want to be accidentally touched.

[stopdog]

Of course I have. Sometimes weekly.

[NowhereUSA]

I have. There have been a couple times over the course of the years where he's brushed up against a boundary I haven't explicitly stated, so then I let him know and we move along. He's very respectful.

Yes. T wanted to work on me feeling safe with my parents. I refused to - my parents are NOT safe and fooling myself into thinking they are would be dangerous.

[Partless]

No. I haven't needed to. Except one or two, one who traumatized me, and in that case I should have said told the person I don't want to answer those questions and I don't like how I'm being treated and that I'm really hurting and that it should stop. But I thought the T knows better and I kept silent till I got traumatized.

But other ones have been respectful and if anything, they been the ones who taught me I actually have boundaries and that it's okay to have them and that in fact I need them. I used to think of boundaries as things only mean and aggressive people had. Or people who were lonely and distant and hated others. I never thought I could be seen as a good person and have boundaries. To say no and be seen as good and caring. I owe it to my therapists for helping me see that.

[brillskep]

None of the above. I have explicitly tried to set boundaries with my therapist recently but he didn't respect that (even though he used to tell me things like no is a complete sentence ... only when it came to others, apparently). Now I am in the process of deciding what to do next and whether to switch therapists or whether it's worth giving him another chance.

[WrkNPrgress]

Never felt the need. My T is quite cautious as it is.

[always_wondering]

The general boundaries were explained in the very beginning; Basically, that we would never be friends. I did not understand what this meant. Why would I want to be his friend? Then, as the relationship continued, I got it. I was entrenched in transference.

He never really explained all the boundaries he was putting up, but after many failed attempts of getting closer, it was clear, he was there for me once a week and that was it. Unless, of course, there were emergencies.

I completely understand why we have boundaries. It all makes sense now, it was just a real painful process for several years but now I'm thankful for all of it.

I'm thankful my T put up the walls and I'm not sure he could have done anything to make it less hurtful. I had to figure it out for myself.

I haven't needed to but would feel entirely comfortable doing so if needed.

I've never felt the need to set boundaries with my T. He is very respectful. I would have no problem setting a boundary if I needed to.

Yes, I have. Shortly after I moved and was test driving some possible new therapists, I told one in the first session that I'd experienced CSA when I young (I told her the age and the "relation" the person was to me). I then told her that I wasn't interested in her bringing this topic up--that if I decided that I wanted to discuss it in any depth with her during any of our sessions, I wanted to be the one to introduce it into the conversation. I told her that I had no problem talking about the "adult" effects this experience had on me and my current mental health but I did not, under any circumstances, want her to ask direct, probing questions about "what happened" all those years ago. I told her that I didn't feel the need to discuss specifics at this point in my life. She agreed.

I went to my second session with her and out of the blue, not directly related to anything we were talking about, she starting peppering me with some very pointed, blunt questions regarding these incidents when I was a child. She so surprised me that I was in a daze for a few minutes and had to struggle to get myself back into my skin. Her behavior really made me angry and I left and never returned. It amazes me sometimes that some therapist have no problem stating their personal boundaries and insisting that client's honor them, but then have no issue stepping all over a client's clearly stated boundary.

Yes I set the clear boundary that I don't want him directing my therapy, taking any kind of control from me or imposing how he thinks I should be, in or out of therapy. Any time he has done anything like that I have called him on it straight away.

.Do not touch me ever
.do not force me to make eye contact
. Do not stare at me
. Do not keep asking me to say something if I am having trouble speaking
. Do not talk to my family without telling me or preferably ever
. Probably others I can't remember
Why..... I do not people doing those things and it makes me very uncomfortable.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Yes I have. I told my T that I don't want her to bring up my childhood. If I want to talk about it then I will bring it up. I also said that I want to be in control of my sessions. I decide what to talk about and what depth I talk about it in. I don't have the time or money for my T to bring stuff up and take charge of my sessions. She was more than happy I was setting these boundaries for myself and she said she wishes more clients would speak up about how they want things to go.

[junkDNA]

yes, told him i didnt want to talk about something when he asked a question about it during a session

[vonmoxie]

Just one: talk of ideation is off limits due to his not being able to create a safe space for me to discuss the topic. We had one conversation early on that referred to it, in which he asked me if I think about it. I told him that as long as I couldn't be sure he wouldn't take action based on something I told him, that I wouldn't be able to discuss anything of that nature with him. I guess he took that statement at face value (a rare treat) as he's never brought the topic up since. I've been told by many people that as long as I don't have a specific plan, it should be fine to talk about, but I figure if possession is nine tenths of the law, interpretation has to be at least eight.

I'll talk about anything else though. I think my therapist is actually a whole lot more squeamish about my history than I am.

[Myrto]

Yes. It's a boundary you don't encounter in English as there's only one way to say "you" but in my language (like many other languages) there are two ways: the polite ''you" and the casual "you".
I used to address her with the polite form and she did the same with me until one day she asked me if we could switch to the casual "you". I said no. It was too weird. I couldn't do it. It was one thing for her to use the casual "you" with me but for me to use it with her was absolutely impossible. It was my boundary.

So I refused altogether. She's never brought it up again and we've sticked to the polite form. Which is better I think.

[Argonautomobile]

Originally Posted by WrkNPrgress

Never felt the need. My T is quite cautious as it is.

Same here.

[musinglizzy]

Originally Posted by Myrto

Yes. It's a boundary you don't encounter in English as there's only one way to say "you" but in my language (like many other languages) there are two ways: the polite ''you" and the casual "you".
I used to address her with the polite form and she did the same with me until one day she asked me if we could switch to the casual "you". I said no. It was too weird. I couldn't do it. It was one thing for her to use the casual "you" with me but for me to use it with her was absolutely impossible. It was my boundary.

So I refused altogether. She's never brought it up again and we've sticked to the polite form. Which is better I think.

I'm assuming like "tu" and "vous." If we had something like that in English, I would DEFINITELY be using "vous" with a T.

I guess as far as MY setting boundaries go, if there's something I don't want to talk about, it doesn't get talked about. My T also encouraged Emails more often than I felt comfortable doing....so I Email when I want to, and not when she wants me to. That took a little getting used to though, as I did want to "please" her....

[lvngkndnss]

I haven't needed to, and I don't know that I'd be comfortable doing so. I realize that's a problem. 😕

[wotchermuggle]

Originally Posted by wotchermuggle

Yes. I said at no point was unwilling to ever bring a family member to session. I also told someone that I preferred they didn't get too close because I didn't want to be accidentally touched.

This was supposed to say at no point would I be willing to bring a family member to a session....apparently I can't edit.

[BonnieJean]

Yes, early on when she'd start to speak fast and loud and stacato and repetitive. It would freak me out and I'd have to tune her out. Finally I told her to stop. That was a boundary for me.

My T called me by a nickname that's really common for my name, one day.

Can't remember if she asked "can I call your younger self x?" or not, but I remember immediately telling her to please never call me by that nickname as I hate it.

She has respected it.

[HALLIEBETH87]

Never really had to. She's pretty great. There have been times I just felt I couldn't talk about something at that moment so we just moved on