[UglyDucky]

I had a session with T yesterday and we talked about my difficulty identifying the feelings I have at times, often not able to recognize/name them until the next day, which is just darned inconvenient in terms of therapy. T asked if I always have this difficulty, or does it only happen in therapy...? It's always a problem for me, but after our session yesterday, I thought long and hard about why this might be the case.

Growing up, I recall my mother telling me frequently not to refute my father, or 'don't contradict what your father says.' (I must have been angry much of the time for her to say those things) If I was sad, my dad would tell me to 'straighten up' and 'don't be such a sad sack.' I'm taking a wild guess, here, but I'm thinking, for the most part, I wasn't allowed to feel emotions growing up.

Does anyone else have this difficulty and, if so, what do you think has contributed to your problem identifying/naming your feelings in therapy? (If you feel comfortable saying...)

[ilikecats]

I definitely have trouble with this. Not just in therapy, but whenever I'm talking. I usually say things like "good", "bad", "nice", "cool", etc. Later on if I think about it, I can think of better words, but when I'm speaking to someone it's hard for me to name my feelings. Once in a while I am able to think of a more descriptive word, but then I'm usually too embarrassed or nervous to use it.

This is our main focus in T. I can't even describe the physical sensations I end up waving my arms about and saying "the feeling looks round but knobbly with a cone at one end" which confuses my T. I have 3 emotions happy, sad and angry these have done well for the last 43 years of my life. It is these nameless feelings that cause me distress as they tend to be overpowering.

[Nammu]

When I first started therapy I used a cheat sheet. My T gave me lists of feelings and I would go though it looking for the right word. I still have a hard time but it's much better.

[HALLIEBETH87]

Yep. When I was little they said I was alexathymic.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Yes, sometimes. I don't always know the meaning behind certain feelings. I have gotten better about identifying my feelings because I am in therapy.

[ejayy78]

Yes definitely! My t has to remind me a lot that there are more feelings/emotions than happy, sad, and mad. She even makes me use a "feeling wheel" sometimes makes me feel like I'm a little kid, and the fact that I am so intuitive when it comes to how others feel, but I can't identify how I feel myself is one of my biggest insecurities. Being "emotional" was looked down on when I was growing up. I don't think I ever learned how to describe how I feel.

[Suraya]

Yes. I was not allowed to have feelings as a kid. My mother would say I could have my own feelings when I was an adult. Now that I'm an adult I don't know how to have them and can't identify them.

[HALLIEBETH87]

Exactly same here. My abusive stepmother never allowed me to express my feelings so I just stopped and eventually didn't know how I felt. It took years to recognize how I felt and find words to describe it. That's why they labeled me alexathymic as a teenager. By my 20s I learned more about emotions and how to express myself.

Tough stuff.

[magno11789]

Simple answer is yes. Sometimes I actually find it easier to identify emotions in others than in myself. I was also not really allowed to show emotions in my family. I was the family peace keeper and I felt like I couldn't show emotion so that peace could be kept in the house.

[stopdog]

The one I see has said there are only 5 emotions glad, mad, sad, fear and shame. She could be wrong.

Originally Posted by stopdog

The one I see has said there are only 5 emotions glad, mad, sad, fear and shame. She could be wrong.

My T calls those the primary emotions or something they are at the heart of all the "surface" emotions or something like that.

[ChavInAHat]

I also struggle with this.

T says "what are you feeling" and I just don't know what to say.

Apart from the love I feel for my daughter- Happy, sad and angry are about as much as I can figure out and as I spend most of my time angry it's hard to say what anything else is.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I used to only have sadness to name and feel. I was directed as a kid what I was allowed to feel. Many times it was by osmosis from the mother. Happiness, joy, anger, hate, etc., were there in front of me, but I did not know how to drink from the well. Post therapy, I can't be stopped. I've even used a swear word or two to punctuate my speech. That's progress for me.

[healed84]

Yes, and yesterday T asked me to describe my emotions/feelings when I am in therapy with t... That was sooo hard!!

Generally anger is the only one I can identify.

[Random]

Like several others here, for the longest time I thought I only had two emotions: Happy and pissed. I of course felt sad sometimes but would be called a crybaby which quickly moved me over to the more comfortable pissed emotion. Now that Im older and not in an abusive environment I am starting to be able to pick out my more complex emotions.

[UglyDucky]

Originally Posted by stopdog

The one I see has said there are only 5 emotions glad, mad, sad, fear and shame. She could be wrong.

I'm curious where your T (or you) would put the feelings of isolation, helplessness, curious, broken, empty, etc. ...? I had to find those emotions on the internet, so I'm sure there are more. I can identify shame, sadness, fear, anger and happiness, but not much else; it's a bit like my emotions run together. Thanks for your help...

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by UglyDucky

I'm curious where your T (or you) would put the feelings of isolation, helplessness, curious, broken, empty, etc. ...? I had to find those emotions on the internet, so I'm sure there are more. I can identify shame, sadness, fear, anger and happiness, but not much else; it's a bit like my emotions run together. Thanks for your help...

I have no idea. At first, when she would ask, I would tell her what I was feeling and she would tell me what I said was not a feeling. So I stopped answering and told her to stop asking. I am not saying she is correct in her list, just that it was the list the woman gave.

[UglyDucky]

Originally Posted by Bipolarartist

My T calls those the primary emotions or something they are at the heart of all the "surface" emotions or something like that.

Thanks for the information. I can identify those feelings, sometimes with much work. I don't know how to name or identify other emotions like helpless, curious, tremulous, etc., those emotions that more succinctly pinpoint a feeling.

[UglyDucky]

Originally Posted by Walkedthatroad

I used to only have sadness to name and feel. I was directed as a kid what I was allowed to feel. Many times it was by osmosis from the mother. Happiness, joy, anger, hate, etc., were there in front of me, but I did not know how to drink from the well. Post therapy, I can't be stopped. I've even used a swear word or two to punctuate my speech. That's progress for me.

So, maybe there's hope for me if I stay in therapy long enough...sigh.

[UglyDucky]

Originally Posted by Random

Like several others here, for the longest time I thought I only had two emotions: Happy and pissed. I of course felt sad sometimes but would be called a crybaby which quickly moved me over to the more comfortable pissed emotion. Now that Im older and not in an abusive environment I am starting to be able to pick out my more complex emotions.

I'm sorry you were directed through name-calling to more acceptable or recognizable emotions. But terribly glad you're making progress with the more complex feelings, however scary or painful (though sometimes pleasant) they might be.

[UglyDucky]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I have no idea. At first, when she would ask, I would tell her what I was feeling and she would tell me what I said was not a feeling. So I stopped answering and told her to stop asking. I am not saying she is correct in her list, just that it was the list the woman gave.

I understand. Perhaps the more complex feelings we all strive to feel are not easy for your T either.

[UglyDucky]

Originally Posted by magno11789

Simple answer is yes. Sometimes I actually find it easier to identify emotions in others than in myself. I was also not really allowed to show emotions in my family. I was the family peace keeper and I felt like I couldn't show emotion so that peace could be kept in the house.

I have an easier time recognizing feelings in others, as well. That's a very interesting situation, though frustrating for us.

I do struggle with this. My T is very good at labeling the feelings I describe.

[Out There]

Originally Posted by Bipolarartist

This is our main focus in T. I can't even describe the physical sensations I end up waving my arms about and saying "the feeling looks round but knobbly with a cone at one end" which confuses my T. I have 3 emotions happy, sad and angry these have done well for the last 43 years of my life. It is these nameless feelings that cause me distress as they tend to be overpowering.

The feeling looks round but knobbly with a cone at one end makes perfect sense to me - I'm sorry it confuses your T.