Have you ever set a boundary with your therapist?

I have told my T that I am not willing to discuss my experiences in the military with him at this time and that I will let him know if that changes. Furthermore, if he brings it up I will end the session.

It's happened once. I ended the session.

I voted no, but I just realized I have actually set a boundary. I just said that my mom can't know about my self harm. She thought it might be good to tell her for safety reasons, but I said no. I'm pretty sure that's the only boundary I've set though, and the only one I would set.

When my T was my T, I didn't feel the need to set many boundaries with her. I do recall asking her not to discuss one particular topic anymore because I found her approach unhelpful, but that's the only "boundary" I can think of. Now that she is no longer my T and we are transitioning into something more like friends/acquaintances, I am realizing that I have a few new boundaries. I'me not planning on looking for a new T, but if I do in the future, I don't want to see anyone she knows and I don't want to discuss it with her. In order for this transition to work for me, I need to have a new level of privacy-- she can't be the person I tell EVERYTHING to anymore and we need to start moving away from the T/client dynamic and into something more mutual. I haven't told her this yet, but I noticed that it bothered me last week when she called me "kiddo." I used to like it when she called me that during those moments in therapy when I FELT like a kid-- when I was feeling hurt or talking about my childhood/family. But now, I don't show up as a "kiddo" anymore when I'm with her; I show up as an adult. So, if she calls me kiddo again, I'll let her know that I don't want to be called that anymore. I get the feeling that there will probably be other boundaries I need to set as we both adjust to the transition, but so far I'm just noticing the need for more privacy.

yes. no "love you" or anything like it from T, no touch from T, and no "I'll never leave you" from T, she is merely a guide and someone to be accountable to.

I think that would grate on my nerves.

I haven't, but would be willing to if I had too. I've said no to things like trying EMDR, but I don't consider that setting a boundary. Now, if she were to ever touch me I would not be happy.

I told her early on that there will be no touching or hugging, never mail anything to my home, when calling, only speak if I answer.

There have also been many Times that she wants to discuss something and I say no.

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Never had to set boundaries with her, but would have no problem speaking up if the need arose.

Oh, and I might have told her she could leave (T comes to my house) if she couldn't accept/respect that.

When I was new to therapy I used to email him to vent or just reach out for reassurance. It got to be a lot so we set a reasonable daily limit. Now I barely email him anymore. Other than that no.

I'm not sure if it's a boundary or not, but I like my therapist to start on time, and I've spoken up when that hasn't happened. I drive a considerable distance through sometimes heavy traffic, so I figure if I can manage that week after week, season after season, she can manage the door opening part on time. She's actually been really good about it. I wish she could control her clients after me, but she does her best to provide privacy when I leave. One week, another client tracked me down outside to say hello. I haven't told my therapist, but it does bother me. So I guess, more than setting boundaries with my therapist, I would like to set them with her other clients.

Yuck. I had someone in the waiting room with me once who was there to see the other person in the office, but who without so much as a preliminary launched into a speech at me about how wonderful my No. 1 was. I kind of froze her out.

So I guess I want boundaries with other therapists' clients!

I have told my past T that she is not allowed to touch me unless I explicitly ask for it (which only happened once over 2 years). I have also refused her offer to let me walk her dog (before I had my own dog for emotional support), even though I really really really would have liked it. Somewhere in my brain I knew it wasn't good for me to get attached like that, and I knew if I accepted the offer, my T would have regretted it later realizing her mistake.

I start with a new T on the 11th...I will tell her the same thing regarding touch.

I'm intrigued to see so many people tell a therapist not to touch them. Is this something a therapist would do on their own unless told specifically ahead of time not to? I had always assumed they would keep their hands and arms to themselves, so it never occurred to me to make this explicit at the start of therapy. I just can't imagine my therapist doing something like this, so is she not normal? Do they need to be told that's not okay?

Mine works with a lot of s/a cases so maybe that has something to do with it? Just trying to get a handle on what that must be like to have to tell a therapist not to touch.

Mine have been similar. Very careful and respectful of touch because they knew my background.

Edited to add: I do think there are therapists who might take the initiative with hugs or something and not ask first or not take the lead of the client? I can see people needing to set a boundary with touch in that case.

I guess I never really said no touching. I've just rejected all offers of touch when they arose - hand holding during panic attacks, a tickle attempt, the offer of hugs, etc.

The hand holding I saw that she had a therapeutic purpose in mind for. The others, I did not.

You know, I don't think that most T's would touch a patient without explicitly asking for permission. I know, rationally, that my T certainly wouldn't. But, for me anyway, there's always that needling paranoia that T might make some physically demonstrative gesture on impulse because that's just what some people do when they see another human being in pain. I imagine it would be nice to just assuage that worry by setting the boundary upfront.

No I have never felt the need to. She is very respectful of my boundaries...sometimes I feel like she goes overboard.

A tickle attempt?! Just...no. Even the thought of a therapist doing that feels creepy.

I'm sure most probably don't need to be told that, but I wasn't willing to take the risk that she was one of the ones that wouldn't need the limit to be set. Also, I know myself. I'm a people-pleaser. So if, in the moment, she offered to hug me or rubbed my back in a supportive way, I would have a hard time saying no even though it made me uncomfortable.

We did hug once though. She told me that she knows I do not want to be touched but normally she would offer to hug someone after a session like we had so I should consider myself emotionally hugged (or something like that). I decided to accept the hug but then I kicked myself for a week about how awkward it was and was afraid that now she would want to hug again. It was weird. lol

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It never came up with my first or current therapist, but with my 2nd. I was in the waiting room when she exited with a client who had stayed over a bit. The client went in for a full body hug. I think it was 2nd or 3 rd. session with her. The sight made me a bit uncomfortable. I remember averting my gaze. In the session, the therapist immediately brought it up, letting me know that she did hug clients who asked for it. She paused a moment and I knew she was waiting for my thoughts on the subject. I told her that was fine but I wouldn't be asking for one. Told her I wasn't a big hugger even with family. She wasn't bothered by my comment and always honored my thoughts on the subject.

My T has not always asked for permission before touching me, but I don't have any issue with touch - and I mean in what I would consider very casual ways, like a tap on the back of the shoulder. I can see where if someone had a touch issue it would be beneficial to outright state to a T "Please don't touch me without permission" to help keep back even the most casual contact.

I've wondered about this too. I used to hug my old one at the end and sometimes the beginning of a session and I liked it, but anything more than that would weird me out. And I don't want hugs from another therapist ever again. I wonder if it's partially a cultural thing to touch more though. I'm canadian and we do tend to be colder/less touchy than Americans.

I also hug my minister and will sometimes hold her hand and pray with her. But that's about the extent of my touching. I like it that sometimes before church or if she's waiting for the music to end during a service, she'll rub my shoulder because she knows I'm struggling. It makes me feel cared for. It's a different type of relationship though.

I think I'd be weirded out by anyone holding my hand or holding me while I cry.

My T does not initiate touch with any client. They have to ask for it. She says she does that for everyone and wants to respect peoples boundaries and personal space. I have touch issues and my T knows this because my last therapist (the one with the rock) was always touching me when she wanted to and didn't stop when I told her to. I am glad my current T respects peoples space. I am glad that she will initiate a hug at the end of our sessions because it bothered me to ask for it. I feel like if I have to ask for a hug then I must not be worthy of it. My T understood when I told her this.

I set this boundary for my T pre-emptively. She gave me no reason to think she would hug me or touch me, but I wanted to be sure she wouldn't so I set the boundary before anything occurred at all. She too works with trauma cases a lot, but she replied that she was glad I told her what not to do because they can't read minds. She also admitted that she can be a bit touchy-feely, but she usually asks clients first anyway what their stance is on touch.