[Stormyclouds]

what does that mean? someone please explain.

i have heard this time n time again and i am trying to apply this to my situation but cant. My T appt is not until friday...so if someone can shed light.

a friend of several years, my neighbor...had a fall out with another friend in our group. i got caught in between both of them. i chose to step back and avoided my friend. i didnt want to choose or take sides. so i stayed quiet and avoided her for months till issue was resolved. i am socially awkward...i avoid conflict.
my friend told me i have hurt her feelings by abandoning her. i did. i apologized. i told her the truth...i am weak...i have alot of shortcomings...i was wrong...i failed her as a frend...with my heart n soul i apologzied and was very vulnerable. she mocked me in return. i keep on saying sorry to her..and she keeps on insulting me...that she has never met someone like me...the way i behaved.
ouch.
she can chose to accept my apology or reject it. but she keeps on messaging me and dragging this...and i have told her nothing but the truth ! and i have 100 percent owned it that i should have been there for her...not avoided her. and even said u have been a great freind i appreciate everything u have done for me.
her last message was so cold and left me crying ...i just told her i am not good enough like your other friends...i know that...and thats just me.

someone please tell me...is this really about me being a bad frend or is it something else?
i dont want to tell her off...we are in same neighborhood...we see each other very often in church etc.
i am just questioning my whole being right now...how do i fit into this world? among ppl? i cant handle a simple situation...i can not confront ppl...i failed as a friend when she needed me...i made a total fool out of myself ... i am so embarassed...my head is hanging in shame...ppl are so confident and strong..and intellignet...i am none of those. and imight never be...cuz my life was so screwed up...i just feel like i dont belong here...

my emotions are running very high right now..its all very raw...i am trying to soothe myself...

again...will i ever be able to hang around with normal ppl...be one of them???? i dont know

what does she want from me? apology..i have done it several times..i have explained myself again n again...

Not knowing the details, I'd say you actually handled it correctly by stepping out of the situation and not getting into the fray. Your friend seems to be the one that can't let this go. I wouldn't apologize. Rather, I would rest in knowing I did what was best in not getting personally involved. Your friend's current guilt-tripping and shaming of you is out of line and it sounds like she has lots of issues.

[ilikecats]

Originally Posted by Stormyclouds

someone please tell me...is this really about me being a bad frend or is it something else?

To answer this question, it is definitely something else. You're not a bad friend. Your friend seems to be having her own issues to react the way she did. You apologized and tried to fix things, but the way she reacted is because of her own issues, it's not because of you. Sorry you're having a tough time with this. Personally, I think you should just let her go. You don't need her friendship if she treats people this way. Hang out with the other friends from the group that you mentioned.

[Stormyclouds]

thank u

i am sure when my feelings have settled and i have digested her words...i will be able to look at this interaction more objectively.
right now it just feels like she is slapping me..after i have apologized. like a bully !!!
i hope she doesnt reply to my text...and our conversation ends.

Stormy Clouds, you have two friends and got sucked into the middle of their disagreements. You avoided them so not to be in the middle. After the fact one friend reads you the riot act that you abandoned them. So you apologize and they in return chew you up and spit you out. They are not nice to treat you like that. They could say they were disappointed but accept your apology and move on being friends. But real friends don't chew you up and spit you out. THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIEND THE WAY THEY TREATED YOU... IT IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM, IT IS THEIRS...
That is what it means it is not you it is them. You are a good person and did right to keep your nose out of something that did not concern you. They wanted from the sounds of it for you to take sides. They got pissed off that you didn't so wanted to treat you like crap over and over again punishing you for it. THAT IS NOT A FRIEND. I hope that his helps. Move on, there are more people in the world to be friends with and you can do better, YOU DESERVE BETTER... Blessings

[iheartjacques]

You can say you do not wish to discuss old stuff anymore and move on. It's their problem, not yours. You did the right thing to stay out of it and you didn't owe an apology.

The it's no right or wrong. Just choices.

[ruh roh]

It sounds like you both handled this in hurtful ways. I understand your decision to back away from the argument between two other people, but not explaining your silence and distance can feel crushing to the other person. You apologized sincerely, however, and she did not accept and handled it horribly. At this point, there's nothing more for you to do. It's on her.

[BayBrony]

Originally Posted by Stormyclouds

what does that mean? someone please explain.

i have heard this time n time again and i am trying to apply this to my situation but cant. My T appt is not until friday...so if someone can shed light.

a friend of several years, my neighbor...had a fall out with another friend in our group. i got caught in between both of them. i chose to step back and avoided my friend. i didnt want to choose or take sides. so i stayed quiet and avoided her for months till issue was resolved. i am socially awkward...i avoid conflict.
my friend told me i have hurt her feelings by abandoning her. i did. i apologized. i told her the truth...i am weak...i have alot of shortcomings...i was wrong...i failed her as a frend...with my heart n soul i apologzied and was very vulnerable. she mocked me in return. i keep on saying sorry to her..and she keeps on insulting me...that she has never met someone like me...the way i behaved.
ouch.
she can chose to accept my apology or reject it. but she keeps on messaging me and dragging this...and i have told her nothing but the truth ! and i have 100 percent owned it that i should have been there for her...not avoided her. and even said u have been a great freind i appreciate everything u have done for me.
her last message was so cold and left me crying ...i just told her i am not good enough like your other friends...i know that...and thats just me.

someone please tell me...is this really about me being a bad frend or is it something else?
i dont want to tell her off...we are in same neighborhood...we see each other very often in church etc.
i am just questioning my whole being right now...how do i fit into this world? among ppl? i cant handle a simple situation...i can not confront ppl...i failed as a friend when she needed me...i made a total fool out of myself ... i am so embarassed...my head is hanging in shame...ppl are so confident and strong..and intellignet...i am none of those. and imight never be...cuz my life was so screwed up...i just feel like i dont belong here...

my emotions are running very high right now..its all very raw...i am trying to soothe myself...

again...will i ever be able to hang around with normal ppl...be one of them???? i dont know

what does she want from me? apology..i have done it several times..i have explained myself again n again...

How much time has passed since you initially apologized?? Sometimes people blow up and then realize they were childish and backtrack
It was not a great choice to avoid a friend without coming out and saying why from the start.
You probably really hurt her feelings.
However it's in the past and you can't change it.
An apology can't just erase her hurt feelings though.
I would just say " I'm sorry you can not forgive me right now. I know I hurt you but I still value our friendship. When you are ready to.move on with being friends let me know"

Understand that she may choose not to continue the friendship. You've done all you can. She may just need time to calm down.

And there is nothing wrong with you. One thing I've started to realize as I've hit.middle age is that long stable friendships like you see on TV and the movies aren't that common. Its common for people to argue,disagree, hang out less or not at all for a while, for friendships to break up over things you can not even pinpoint or explain, for people to hurt each other without meaning to, for forgiveness to be elusive.

If we have certain types of social/relationship issues we blame ourselves for not being "normal" but actually this type of thing is as normal as breathing.

To remain silent to someone who was your friend sounds like you went against your friend. That's just my opinion. If you are a true friend, you would not support the person who hurt your friend. Sometimes you make hard choices but if you go against your friend then don't expect them to be there for you. They may remain cordial but it may not go further, depending on how much you've hurt them. I've been hurt by many former friends and my response comes from personal experience.

You may prefer to rely on the posts above if you're only looking for someone to agree with you.

[Pennster]

it sounds like she is a high-conflict person generally. The way you handled it wasn't ideal, but her reaction is over the top. One thing that I have noticed about people who fight with people is they tend to fight with a lot of people. Some people just deal with their troubles by lashing out. If you are the type who really wants or needs to avoid conflict, you are probably not going to enjoy friendships with more volatile types. Just like if your friend is looking for friends who are willing to get in there and get involved with her fights, she is probably not going to enjoy her friendships with conflict-avoiding people.

I'd chalk it up to different styles, and you're not particularly compatible friends. She sounds like she's unwilling to understand how difficult this situation was for you, and doesn't really understand her role in the situation very well. You apologized and she chose not to accept that and to remain angry with you. She sounds like a highly argumentative person with a mean streak.

I'm sorry that this is troubling you so much, but I think it really sounds to me like you need to have friends who are more compassionate and less conflict-driven. There are many people like that out there who would make better friends for you.

[Pennster]

Originally Posted by Cloudburst

To remain silent to someone who was your friend sounds like you went against your friend. That's just my opinion. If you are a true friend, you would not support the person who hurt your friend. Sometimes you make hard choices but if you go against your friend then don't expect them to be there for you. They may remain cordial but it may not go further, depending on how much you've hurt them. I've been hurt by many former friends and my response comes from personal experience.

You may prefer to rely on the posts above if you're only looking for someone to agree with you.

Cloudburst, StormyCloud's friend is actually not being cordial, but cruel. And StormyCloud was trying to stay uninvolved, not go against her friend.

I am sorry you have been so hurt, however. I hope that you can find peace somehow.

[DelusionsDaily]

I dont think you've done anything wrong. Personally, I wouldnt have stepped between 2 of my friends fighting unless it was major and one of them was definitively in the wrong. Next time she says something i would say something to the effect of "(Name of friend) I'm truly sorry I hurt your feelings by stepping out of the fight between you and (name of other friend). However, I can't go back. I hope we can continue as friends but if we do I cant allow you to continue to treat me in this manner. I have apologized (X number of times) and Im ready to move on."

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Alone & confused]

Originally Posted by Stormyclouds

what does that mean? someone please explain.

i have heard this time n time again and i am trying to apply this to my situation but cant. My T appt is not until friday...so if someone can shed light.

a friend of several years, my neighbor...had a fall out with another friend in our group. i got caught in between both of them. i chose to step back and avoided my friend. i didnt want to choose or take sides. so i stayed quiet and avoided her for months till issue was resolved. i am socially awkward...i avoid conflict.
my friend told me i have hurt her feelings by abandoning her. i did. i apologized. i told her the truth...i am weak...i have alot of shortcomings...i was wrong...i failed her as a frend...with my heart n soul i apologzied and was very vulnerable. she mocked me in return. i keep on saying sorry to her..and she keeps on insulting me...that she has never met someone like me...the way i behaved.
ouch.
she can chose to accept my apology or reject it. but she keeps on messaging me and dragging this...and i have told her nothing but the truth ! and i have 100 percent owned it that i should have been there for her...not avoided her. and even said u have been a great freind i appreciate everything u have done for me.
her last message was so cold and left me crying ...i just told her i am not good enough like your other friends...i know that...and thats just me.

someone please tell me...is this really about me being a bad frend or is it something else?
i dont want to tell her off...we are in same neighborhood...we see each other very often in church etc.
i am just questioning my whole being right now...how do i fit into this world? among ppl? i cant handle a simple situation...i can not confront ppl...i failed as a friend when she needed me...i made a total fool out of myself ... i am so embarassed...my head is hanging in shame...ppl are so confident and strong..and intellignet...i am none of those. and imight never be...cuz my life was so screwed up...i just feel like i dont belong here...

my emotions are running very high right now..its all very raw...i am trying to soothe myself...

again...will i ever be able to hang around with normal ppl...be one of them???? i dont know

what does she want from me? apology..i have done it several times..i have explained myself again n again...

What's done is done. You did what you did for whatever your reasons were at the time. It sounds to me like you had a knee-jerk reaction. You got caught up in an awkward situation between two of your friends, and either didn't know how or weren't capable of handling it. But regardless of all that, you DID take responsibility for her hurt feelings! That's ALL you can do at this point. People make mistakes. We sometimes hurt the ones we love. And it takes a lot of courage and strength to own up to something that has had such an effect one another person! Some people would try to make excuses, pass the blame or flat out deny any wrong doing. So forgive yourself. What she does from this point on is HER responsibility!

[Argonautomobile]

I don't know all the details here, but from what you describe it sounds like this is about the other person and not about you. There was a disagreement. You stayed out of it. That's the mature thing to do. You don't need people in your life who flail about in fits of drama that you 'abandoned' them or who meet your apology with mocking and insults.

Just my two cents. I hope it works out.