Couch 106 - the couch that must not be named

I'm glad T went well today Art! What did she have to say about your feeling about needing therapy too much?

Some posts are calling it an addiction feeling. I think it is more like anesthesia that you need to tolerate the pain of surgery.

I do therapy very differently from Art.

When T held my hand It did occur to me that this would just not fly with stop dog

Ack. Why? Why would a therapist try to hold my hand? What did my hand ever do to a therapist?
Hand holding seriously creeps me out. I only voluntarily allow tiny small children near busy roads or dying old people to hold my hand.

I have a hunch a lot of people do therapy very differently from me. I'm kind of an odd duck.

Actually I have known several people who describe it the way you do.
I thought they were messing with me.

Thanks! She said that maybe I just need to accept it for now. I told her, well sometimes I do... I'm not constantly fighting against this feeling of need. But sometimes it gets too big or something.

I think I'm going to be processing today's session for awhile....

So I just dont want to know where the combo of deep inspection of transference, shamanic work, all kinds of lovey stuff, painful exploration of my past trauma, spirit animals, special rituals, back scratches, snuggles and getting tickled to within an inch of my life all in one session puts me on the "odd"scale......nor am.I sure I care but..... I feel like everyone else's odd just makes me feel odder...

Specifics may be different, but I think the larger difference is between those who believe therapy can help with the reason they decided to hire a therapist and those who do not. The woman tries to tell me what she thinks about me specifically and I want to know how therapy works. I don't go for the woman to be specific at me but because I thought she might know about therapy. She refused, so I used her for something different. Still not what she wants, but she takes my money anyway. I get to tell her she is useless when she tries to say she knows me. And she is put off when I tell her the reason I do so is because I think her only skill is in staying back. Satisfying in its own way.

Oh no I didn't mean to say anyone else was odd! Just me! I am so sorry I didn't think before I typed that. I was joking about myself only. But for the record, my therapy includes the deep inspection, shamanic work, spirit animals, and rituals too. Again, I am really really sorry if I offended you or anyone else. I so did not intend to come off that way.

Ohhh no no no!!!!amused but not offended. I am so happy with my T and how we do therapy. I would never change it for anything. I find it utterly amazing that I found someone so open to my rather unique needs. But I DO feel like an odd duck and sometimes get very excited about things and then realize it will just weird half of everyone else here out. I was mostly just laughing at myself as today's session was a deep combo of serious work and lots of play and giggling. And she has started calling me "irresistibly ticklish" lately which has done wonders for my body shame and dysmorphia as well as reminding me that no matter what the abuse told me, I am absolutely wired for joy.so I was just laughing about it... Like you think your therapy is weird???

Well done!

I like playfulness from a T. Not weird at all to me.

My t said that i do t differently from anybody else. I figured he was just... lying. I will have to ask him again. He'll just dodge.

Woke up 3-ish. Very sleepy now. Alarm goes off in 15-ish minutes.

Happy Friday couch!

coo hwhip

So I'm up because of my shoulders and here...

We are all waking up in pain? Unfair!

never slept to begin with haha!

So I'm up because of my shoulders and here...

So tired I'm repeating myself! Had rotator cuffs injected yesterday. Hoping there is relief ahead but currently its agony.
What's up growly??

Work is giving me sleepless nights.
I had a phone interview with a company in san francisco and it went well. However housing costs there are almost the worst in the nation. I'd have to be sure to ask for enough to live ok on. Not sure if that is possible although it is a city I would love

Work is complicated---hating it really. One caveat--my boss gave me a project that has potential to lead to another project which could be career defining for me. But not a guarantee. Should I stay or should I go now as the song goes. If I stay there will be trouble if I go there will be double--or is it the other way around?

So sorry you are in pain!! Does anything work?

[QUOTE=growlycat;4894741]Work is giving me sleepless nights.
I had a phone interview with a company in san francisco and it went well. However housing costs there are almost the worst in the nation. I'd have to be sure to ask for enough to live ok on. Not sure if that is possible although it is a city I would love

Work is complicated---hating it really. One caveat--my boss gave me a project that has potential to lead to another project which could be career defining for me. But not a guarantee. Should I stay or should I go now as the song goes. If I stay there will be trouble if I go there will be double--or is it the other way around?

So sorry you are in pain!! Does anything work?[/QUOTE

Hoping these injections will work. But til then Valium will relax NY muscles enough to get me about 4 he's sleep but that's all. I'm an equine vet and work has shown no mercy either. 10 hours of horse emergencies after the injections yesterday so I didn't get a soeck of rest. Its been like that every day. This is our slow season in theory but I'm working 12+ hour days every day. Vacation camping on an island in Florida next week. Can't come soon enough though i m worried my shoulders will keep me from swimming or surf kayaking, my whole two reasons for going there. Too late to change plans now.

I tried to make a go of working in Boulder as a young vet ( similar housing cost issues tho not as bad as SF) and couldn't manage it but I have substantial student loans from veterinary school still. A few of my college friends work out there. Most do gave long commutes duevto the search for affordable housing.

Is your job miserable or just not getting you where you want to go??? If its miserable I'd take my chances on the living cost of SF. If its just not taking you where you want to go then I'd probably stay and see if the new project is a break through.

But I'm a bad advice giver. Being a vet isn't like a real job. Its long hours,hard work, no rest, constant stress of a small business owner but it's also my days are magically full of horses. So not a real job by any means..

Went home early. I haven't been doing well for the past couple of days (well, weeks). Then a boy in my class became agressive towards furniture. (he had a good reason - he hurt his hand badly this morning in PE, and the cab company that drives him to school was being difficult about picking him up and bringing him home so he could go to a doctor) That shook me up. Then a while later someone violently kicks a football from the hallway into the classroom. It almost hit me and did hit my chair. That shook me up also. Homeroom teacher suggested I go home - the only class I'm missing out on is Art, and that's difficult even when I'm doing well. (It's loud, chaotic, unorganized..)

Mum picked me up and I'm home now. And I've calmed down some. I hate PTSD. I mean, who gets this upset about two fairly small things?