[asylumgardens]

The place I seek therapy has a bunch of therapists and they just assign you one based on who they have readily available. I don't like the one they gave me. She is very mean and judgmental. I have an appointment tomorrow, and I called to cancel and asked about switching to someone new, and she told me that I still have to see the therapist tomorrow and talk about switching with her.

How does a therapist react to this? Will she ask me why and press for answers or will she just be like "okay" and do it? Will she be mad or see it as some deep seeded inner problem I have? (lol.. I don't know what therapists think). I am not cronfrentational at all, and I feel like this is sort of instigating.. maybe I should just put up with it and stick with her? I don't know if I would just say "I'd like to see someone new" or what. Any advice?

[LittleMouse]

YOU ARE THE CONSMER! Not all patients and counselors mesh and it is in your best interest to be with someone that you feel comfortable with. If she ask just tell her the truth...that you don't feel at ease with her. Finding a good match is important to your overall therapy and you should never be ashamed of switching to someone else if you don't connect with your present therapist. I would if I felt the same way.
LittleMouse

[asylumgardens]

Thanks Little.. I guess if she does ask I can put it like that instead of saying "you were too mean and jugdmental" lol, since that's a bit harsh.

[sidony]

Yeah you could just say you don't think you're a good match. I never had to switch therapists (I've only had one!), but I think it'd be obvious to me too if we weren't a match......

Good luck!

Sidony

[Cheri]

Imo, you definitely don't want to say: "You're mean and judgmental" as long as she has the power to thwart your switch to another therapist, or unfairly influence your potential new therapist's opinion of you. Sidony and LittleMouse both had good ideas.

[MissCharlotte]

If it were me I would say that I didn't think I could make the progress I needed to make with her so I was requesting a switch. See how she reacts. If she asks for specifics, let her have them! Yes, indeedy you are the consumer, you are paying the bill. As my T said, "People vote with their feet."

Good luck.

[Perna]

How many therapists have you seen before? It could be you're just not familiar with how therapy works? Therapists can seem a lot of things based on what our issues are and what they are trying to get one to "see"? I don't know how many sessions you've seen her for either; I'd put up with her awhile and discuss your impressions with her (as tactfully as you can :-) as she may have no idea of the effect she is having on you and how you are "taking" her. It could be very helpful to both she and you to discuss your problems with her. It's not a therapist's job to be kind and wishy washy as to what's what. I have yet to find reality to be less than mean and judgmental. "Fight or flight" is how we're made and it is darn hard to find a middle ground. But refusing confrontation when it is "necessary" and just flying has not always been the best response for me.

[SecretGarden]

What are you looking for in a T? What are your goals?

[asylumgardens]

I have had 2 others that I've dealt with that I loved. This one talks to me in a condescending way about everything, accused me of having a porn addiction (I don't even watch porn), and called my brother "rude and inconsiderate" simply because he got lost driving me to therapy.. which was obviously an accident on his part. I've seen her twice, once for the first interview and once for a regular session, but I really would not even want to talk to her for fear of what other rude things she will say to/about me.

I realize life is not always nice, I know that very well, but I don't know why I would want to pay someone to treat me like that. Even with the other two therapists, I realize there is "tough love" and sometimes they said stuff I didn't really want to hear, but I also know it was for my own good.. I don't think calling my family names, accusing me of things I don't do, and making me feel like an idiot are things I seek for in a therapist.

[sunrise]

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asylumgardens said:
This one talks to me in a condescending way about everything, accused me of having a porn addiction (I don't even watch porn), and called my brother "rude and inconsiderate" simply because he got lost driving me to therapy.. which was obviously an accident on his part.

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Indeed, these do not sound like things one would want in a therapist. Before abandoning all hope, you might want to check in with this T in a curious, non-judgmental way, and try to see if maybe you two are just not communicating rather than that she necessarily meant those things the way you have interpreted. For example, you could ask her (I'm just making this up--details may not be right):

"You've said you think I have a porn addiction and I'm curious about why you think that. We've only met once, and I haven't told you I watch porn all the time or can't keep myself from looking at it. Why would you think I am addicted to porn? Could you be confusing me with another one of your clients?"

or

"You told me that you thought my brother was rude and inconsiderate because he drove me to therapy last time and was late. I may not have communicated this well, but he actually just took a wrong turn and that's why we were late. It wasn't deliberate. My brother's really a very sweet guy, and I appreciated his providing transportation last time."

or

"When you say X, I feel like you're being condescending to me. Are you?"

And wait to see what she says. If she gets very defensive about these questions, then I agree, maybe it is time to move on. However, if she responds non-judgmentally, and seeks to clarify her meaning and improve communication, then maybe all is not lost.

Good luck!

[asylumgardens]

Yeah, I guess all that makes sense. She already explained to me why she thought the porn thing (I got in trouble for illegal downloading but it was a FILM, not porn, and she had assumed it was porn) but I will see her tomorrow anyway whether I decide to swtich or not.. so I can ask her about those first anyway. Thanks.