[insertname]

Don't usually use this forum but I use another one quite a lot - frankly, just to procrastinate most of the time. Obviously I am anonymous there and no one knows who I am IRL so I feel comfortable to be as honest as I want.

Last therapy session, it felt like my T was bringing things up or leading the direction of the conversation towards things I had said on this forum. It could be a coincidence and I might just be being paranoid but it made me feel very uneasy and I can't 100% exclude the idea he is internet stalking me...perhaps that's a bit too loaded a term, I guess I mean he could be on the same forum and has linked some stuff together and realised it's me. It's a popular forum for mental health so why not? But i think if that happened it would be unethical for him to continue on the forum or continue as my therapist. He would either have to give up me or the forum in my opinion.

Now, it's probably all in my head, but the trust is 100% gone. I don't want to go back, I don't want to see him again. I dunno whether I bring this up (risk looking paranoid...and would he admit it anyway?) Or just say I want a different therapist and refuse to say why?

You haven't posted on PC in almost a year. Seems odd that you are just now deciding he's been reading you posts on PC.

[stopdog]

I do not consider anyone reading something on a public forum as stalking. But if it concerns you, I would see no reason not to change therapists if you want to do so. Changing therapists or not going back to one who is not one you want to deal with is not a big deal that I can see.

[insertname]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

You haven't posted on PC in almost a year. Seems odd that you are just now deciding he's been reading you posts on PC.

As I said in the opening post, I'm discussing my activity on a different forum.

Originally Posted by insertname

As I said in the opening post, I'm discussing my activity on a different forum.

Sorry, I was confused you said "this forum" so I thought you were referring to PC.

[insertname]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I do not consider anyone reading something on a public forum as stalking. But if it concerns you, I would see no reason not to change therapists if you want to do so. Changing therapists or not going back to one who is not one you want to deal with is not a big deal that I can see.

It was a shorthand. As I said in the opening post, it's a loaded term, but internet-stalking is a term people use for the activity that I describe. The main problem is that I am anonymous on the forum and that IF he happened to be on the same forum and had linked my anonymous persona to me in real life (let's face it, it's probably not, it's probably a coincidence) then it would definitely be inethical to keep me on as a client.

So the problem with changing therapists is basically that I can't afford therapy. I'm going through the only charity in my area that provides very low-cost therapy that I can afford, so I would need to speak to my current therapist about whether or not it is even allowed within that charity for me to switch therapist and he would have to pass me on to someone else. I guess I just feel awkward about that as I have been seeing him for around 18 months, but then I suppose that's me being a bit cowardly.

Why not just come right out and ask? I know you are afraid of looking paranoid, but you do realize any therapist can read any of these forums. You are quite possibly wrong about this and making this decision based on no hard information at all and your 100% distrust on a guess. If you are wrong, this is the opportunity to clear this up and move forward. If you are right, you plan to find a different therapist anyway.

[insertname]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

Why not just come right out and ask? I know you are afraid of looking paranoid, but you do realize any therapist can read any of these forums. You are quite possibly wrong about this and making this decision based on no hard information at all and your 100% distrust on a guess. If you are wrong, this is the opportunity to clear this up and move forward. If you are right, you plan to find a different therapist anyway.

Ah....it's so uncomfortable...I know you're right but so ****ing awkward...fair enough, I know you're right. That would be the mature thing to do, I suppose.

I am kind of wondering if I'm using this as an excuse for myself as well. I find it difficult to leave people I don't want to see anymore because I don't feel like I'm "allowed" to. I don't really like this guy. I don't hate him or anything, there are just a couple of things about his personality that I've picked up on (not bad things, nothing abusive or anything) that put me off him. And I've noticed I just don't really have that much trust in him anyway. So maybe I'm just finding anything as an excuse to leave.

[Trippin2.0]

If its a mental health forum, wouldn't your T be privy to the things you post about anyway?





I haven't posted anything my T doesn't already know, or will not know in future.... *shrugs


I guess I just don't understand the angle you're posting from.

[insertname]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

If its a mental health forum, wouldn't your T be privy to the things you post about anyway?





I haven't posted anything my T doesn't already know, or will know in future.... *shrugs


I guess I just don't understand the angle you're posting from.

I choose what I tell my therapist, at what pace I want to tell it. He does not choose what he knows and what he does not know. That's my decision. There's a privacy aspect to this. I am more likely to post anonymously on a forum about things that I would not tell my therapist. He is certainly not privy to everything.

[TishaBuv]

I can't even get my psy to call me back. If he's taking the extra time to read your posts... I'm just saying.

[insertname]

You guys would seriously be ok with this (if it was happening, I'm sure it's not etc.)? What if your SO or your family read your posts and you didn't know about it? Wouldn't you feel betrayed? Intruded upon?

[TishaBuv]

I don't want any one I know to read it and am taking my chances that they don't. I even told my husband I found a forum where I have been writing all about us for support, but as well as I know him I feel confident he won't even be curious about trying to find me anywhere. If he does and doesn't like the truth that I wrote, too bad for him.

[insertname]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I don't want any one I know to read it and am taking my chances that they don't. I even told my husband I found a forum where I have been writing all about us for support, but as well as I know him I feel confident he won't even be curious about trying to find me anywhere. If he does and doesn't like the truth that I wrote, too bad for him.

Well I guess I see it the same kind of thing. It's a privacy issue. Maybe I am oversensitive to this. My Dad used to read my diaries and stuff when I was a teenager so I get annoyed if I feel people are intruding in any way when I feel that if I post anonymously that is the same as putting a big label up that says "PRIVATE".

When you post on the internet, you always run that risk. The only way to avoid it is to not post at all or take care about what you post. My husband knows I post on a forum (although I don't know that he actually know what site and I'm pretty sure he doesn't have any interest in reading what I post), but yes, I suppose he could if he chose to. Not much here he doesn't already know, but it isn't something I worry about. Honestly, my therapist probably knows more about what I post here than my family members so it wouldn't particularly bother me if he read what I posted. In fact, if he actually did and put 2 and 2 together to figure out it is me, I'd be rather impressed.

Originally Posted by insertname

Well I guess I see it the same kind of thing. It's a privacy issue. Maybe I am oversensitive to this. My Dad used to read my diaries and stuff when I was a teenager so I get annoyed if I feel people are intruding in any way when I feel that if I post anonymously that is the same as putting a big label up that says "PRIVATE".

It's not private though. Internet forums are like the antithesis to private. You may post anonymously, but everything you post is out there for the world to read. That's the internet.

[insertname]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

It's not private though. Internet forums are like the antithesis to private. You may post anonymously, but everything you post is out there for the world to read. That's the internet.

I know what you mean and I do take steps to ensure I do not say anything that could identify me to people who know me, but I take issue with the idea that being anonymous does not at least signify that one wishes for a separation from the rest of their life. I think it does signify that. I don't think anyone who knows me (friends/family) would know it was me if they stumbled across the forum. I guess they might be able to recognise my 'voice'/style, but I don't think they would as many people write in a similar way.

Maybe I have been kind of lying to myself, though, to enable me to use the forums. I would be mortified if it was all tracked down. So the biggest takeaway, I suppose, is quit forums. It's not a bad idea, to be honest.

[TishaBuv]

I always threw out my diaries and everything personal I've ever written because I never wanted my family to read it. I was never worried about my mother invading my privacy and reading my diary as a kid though. I trusted her. I never invaded my kids' privacy either.

Any one that knows me and reads my posts would definitely know it's me. Yeah, I guess I'd be embarrassed, but I'm ok with it if it happens. My son is studying to be a clinical psychologist. On the very, very slim chance he'd ever come upon my posts, well, at least I say how much I love and adore him. Shout out to you, baby D! Lol.

Yes, be careful what you write because it can always be used against you, too.

But the chances are so slim any one will know you. And your therapist is only trying to help you. And what have you really got to lose?

[insertname]

^I guess I'm just different to other people, then. I'm not ashamed of anything I write, and I never say anything bad about anyone, even online. I don't really think that badly of people so there's no reason to say anything bad.

I guess for me it is simply that I decide how well people know me and I do not want other people to be able to know me better than I decide they can. I don't know if that makes sense, it's just a sense of my privacy being destroyed. No one would ever be able to use anything I write against me, because I mean everything I write and I agree with it. It's more that I would resent anyone knowing me better than I have chosen for them to know me. Some things are just for me, I guess, and I forget that other people on forums are actual people. They feel like 'bots' in some way that allows me to still feel private. But it's just a feeling. As the previous poster said, I'm really lying to myself about this. So I'm just going to quit.

[insertname]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I always threw out my diaries and everything personal I've ever written because I never wanted my family to read it. I was never worried about my mother invading my privacy and reading my diary as a kid though. I trusted her. I never invaded my kids' privacy either.

That's good parenting right there. My family will invade my privacy.

[Sarah1985]

I would love if my t found me online, that would open doors to things I struggle to talk about , etc

[insertname]

^Wah...oh my God...I don't understand anyone's POV on here, haha!

I think it just means I am not, after all, the kind of person who should use the internet. I have been kind of pulling the wool over my own eyes.

[Hopelesspoppy]

Originally Posted by insertname

I choose what I tell my therapist, at what pace I want to tell it. He does not choose what he knows and what he does not know. That's my decision. There's a privacy aspect to this. I am more likely to post anonymously on a forum about things that I would not tell my therapist. He is certainly not privy to everything.

Do you have a history of paranoia? Does he/she seem the type who would use free time to seek out clients? Is it possible that he/she has drawn conclusions from what you have shared? Think about these questions. You need to either go with your gut or explore why you always feel terrified of exposure. I speak as one with the same tendencies.

[musinglizzy]

This is an interesting post.... I know a person's choice of words means nothing, typically, but there was one time, after a rupture, when I was posting here a LOT. In one of my sessions, my T used the word "musing" twice. I figured I was just being paranoid. But I had never heard her use that word before....and kind of gave me a creepy feeling. Now I just don't care. I used to be VERY concerned about people recognizing me, but I'm not so much anymore. I know how easy it is to find PC via google searches for various things. But I remember that uneasy feeling I had when my T coincidentally used that word, when she never had before. I got a bit paranoid about it...lol

[insertname]

Originally Posted by Hopelesspoppy

Do you have a history of paranoia? Does he/she seem the type who would use free time to seek out clients? Is it possible that he/she has drawn conclusions from what you have shared? Think about these questions. You need to either go with your gut or explore why you always feel terrified of exposure. I speak as one with the same tendencies.

Not really any history of paranoia. Maybe once or twice over something stupid years ago but it was at a time in my life where I was experiencing extreme anxiety so all my thoughts were messed up. I had fears of people finding my diary and stuff and I would have to find my diary to make sure no one had it, but I'm really messy so I couldn't find it and I would totally freak out and think someone MUST be reading it!

My therapist...I dunno..not necessarily, I can't tell. I don't think he'd be seeking me out, I don't think he'd be able to track me as all my usernames are different, I'm really careful about that. I also never cross post between forums, as I don't want anyone from one forum to recognise me on another. I suppose I thought maybe he was just another user on the forum and that he might have recognised me through something I said...like maybe I'd told him something that came up in a post later so he was able to tell it was me. It's unlikely, though, to be honest. The active users there are people I recognise from previous posts and no one has come across the same way he comes across. I'm doubting more and more that he's on there and the whole thing is probably just a coincidence. He could have been zeroing in on something, it just seemed strange he should do it that particular session because I've mentioned the same thing a bunch of times and he's always pretty much ignored it. Then he asked some leading questions etc...but it's entirely possible that he's just suddenly had a thought about what I have been talking about for months and zeroed in on it at that point.

The thing about fear of exposure, I dunno. It's sometimes a feeling of shame, but other times just a feeling of wanting to have my own private life, my own inner world, that no one else can get into. It gives me a feeling of separation from others/of space. The psychoanalytic explanation would be that my parents were intrusive, which I would agree with. However, I would also say that it is 100% normal for people to want a certain amount of privacy. It's a human need. I guess sometimes I post very private things anonymously on the internet because I'm kind of discussing things maybe I'm concerned about and I find it easy to feel that other internet users are not people, but are like machines or figments of my imagination.

Oh hang on....erm, yeah, sometimes I think people can read my thoughts, I guess. Or that there are secret cameras in the walls of my home. Not in a delusional way, I know it's not true, but it feels so true that I feel watched all the time and find myself hiding myself in certain ways (say if I'm naked). That's not all the time, though, just sometimes.