[Petra5ed]

It seems like I only post negative things here sometimes, and I figured I would share that therapy for me has not been all doom and gloom, although it's no cake walk! I'm feeling much better today. It's amazing how moods can fluctuate, and despite all the rationalizing I think I'm doing, I can be a basket case one day and fine the next when nothing else has changed. Today I feel loved again, and I feel love again. It's been a rough whatever these past few days have been.

For me therapy has been a process of learning emotional material I never knew before. My main goal coming in was that I wouldn't turn into my mother, a mean BPD, and I no longer think I will. It has been an eye opener how much I want and need to feel loved, I would have never believed it if someone told me, I had to experience it. I feel like I've also learned from experience now how to feel loved, not that I can always turn on that switch, but the more I realize the truth the shorter my episodes of cynical depression I like to think.

What have you gained? What do you hope to gain? I am going to re-draft my goals, so curious what others think.

I love all you crazy people, and I'm glad I'm not alone in this struggle.

[kecanoe]

I have gained in that I am no longer suicidal. I even feel some hope, sometimes

I have gained so much!! Enough self-worth to get out of a job I hated, and to publish a book of my poems; got off meds; took a chance on meeting a group of strangers (the shamanic drumming group I hang out with) who quickly became my soul-family, got promoted at work, the list goes on. I really don't think any of these things would have come about if not for my therapy. It's been quite a positive journey overall for me.

[BayBrony]

I've learned that a central aspect of my 28 year long eating disorder is that my early abuse taught me to view my body as an object for others peoples use/abuse/feelings etc.
Only now at 40 am I starting to understand that my body's first role is for me to live inside and experience the world from. This is definitely helping my healing from my eating disorder. Essentially my eating disorder drives me outside my body, viewing it from the point of view of a critical observer.
I have gained the ability to control what my T calls "stories" untrue ideas that only exist in your mind, usually negative for me. For example she said she could schedule me in for an extra session before I left for vacation, then realized shed double booked and the other person was already scheduled over a week before. Rationally I understood it was a mistake but another part of my brain started going nuts with "she doesn't love me, she doesn't want to see me, etc etc and this tide of emotion connected to my past would sweep me away.now I can recognize when I am doing it. I can't always control the panic but I can control the narrative in my head.

I've learned that my feelings are valid and real. But that doesn't mean they reflect the reality of the situation. I can feel terribly lonely but that doesn't mean I am actually alone.

I've also learned to explore my spiritual side and find ways to build myself up.

I've started to believe I might be worthy of love and have processed a lot of painful memories.

There is more but those are the first things I thought of...

[Bipolar Warrior]

I have learned just how much I self-destruct; how much I punish and abuse myself on a daily basis. I still do it, but at least I am aware of it now. Awareness is the first step.

[Argonautomobile]

Yay for a positive thread! Glad you're looking on the bright side, Petra.

Therapy was THE BEST ******* THING that ever happened to me. I'm not dead, thanks to T. I like myself more, can live with myself, have a handle on my anxiety, let loose toxic secrets...

Would give therapy 4/5 stars. Highly recommend this product.

I can't bullet point my life.
I feel stronger inside. I'm able to tolerate feelings inside of me that before I felt were unsurvivable.
I have a greater sense of who I am.
Life on the outside can still be ******. But then. That's life.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Current T has helped me survive the loss of ex-T.

Therapy, in general, has helped me learn to cope with my life and myself. It has also kept me stable.

[Focus62]

It's helped me see the abuse was not directly my fault.

[stopdog]

I don't walk into the woman's traps quite so often so I have figured out how she sets them. I am still working on understanding why she does.

[emlou019]

Definitely never worry about always being negative, I know what you mean though. But its part of the process. Its good to get it out.

I feel more self acceptance, more able to handle whatever life throws at me, better within relationships, more able to express myself. Just better overall with life. After trauma. As someone else said, a positive journey of self acceptance

I was abandoned by my therapist of 7 years. I learned the only person I can really depend on is myself. I can't even pay someone to "care" about me and help me. I learned I'm a lot stronger than I thought I was and in many ways I am better off.

[RedSun]

I've gained so much. I can't pinpoint most of it...um, not always having to be childish and having to be wanted by others, I don't care now so much, I am who i am.
Also, I am really starting to understand why I've behaved in certain ways all my life, and awareness is doing it's own work and this is changing.
I am discovering that I can look after me, and that's good enough because I am good enough.
I hope to gain more understanding of how I repeat patterns in relationships, and how I can be in relationship without manipulating and playing games. But the fact that I know this is progress indeed.
Yay, a lovely thread idea, I hadn't realised any of the above until you asked Petra, thank you!

[BudFox]

Might sound cynical but the main thing I gained in therapy was the realization that I never really needed therapy. What it showed me was all the ways I defer and submit and oblige in the presence of others, especially authority figures. And all the ways I give the narrative over to someone else to control.

I still need help, but the way I seek it is not the same as before.

I've gained my life back, my sense of self-worth, my sense of confidence, my sense of self really.

I've lost a lot too: my constant depression, anxiety, overwhelming PTSD symptoms, suicidality -- all gone.