[sujunew]

...as I am sure it is not just me who gets so worked up and anxious before a session. I have been with my t for about 1 1/2yrs now and i would NEVER go to anyone else- she is awesome. And it is not about going to see HER that I get worked up about; i guess more about the knowledge that we will be working on stuff (anything, I am such a closed person I am only just learning to talk about things) and even more so now that we are going over some really major, deep stuff. I find that up to 4 days before a session (I go fortnightly) things go really downhill for me, and then I realise that it is 'THAT" fortnight... She knows how I feel, and always lets me choose what we talk about, but it doesn't help my anxiety and I need to calm myself! Any suggestions anyone? Please?!

hey. are you able to see her more frequently than once a fortnight? i find that i get most wound up about sessions when it has been a while since i've had one and / or when it is going to be a while until i have another one. the infrequency... seems to make the session seem more important to me in the sense that i'm fairly frantically worried that it go well and that i get a sense of connection from it.

[sujunew]

i would love to be able to see her weekly, but i already get the most help i can from the gvmt and that still only just covers my f/nightly sessions. I have thought about seeking help through another agency (acc) but that involves sooo much- filling in a claim form with the doctor then seeing one of 'their' appointed therapists 3-4 times to discuss the issue in depth (that I can barely talk about with my t) then waiting to see if the claim has been accepted, and then I don't even know if i could keep seeing my t- she is not registered with acc and when I rang to see if they would let me keep seeing her i was told that they do not allow that; altho i think i have a pretty strong case having seen her for so long and not being able to trust or open up to anyone else but her...
so sorry for the rant! Uh, yes, if I could see her weekly I would prob feel less anxious, just can't afford to tho

hey. yeah, it can be tricky...

i wonder if... you might be able to broach the issue with her... something like 'i wish i could see you more'. then she can take it as a fantasy if she wants... or a request if she wants...

it might be that she would be willing to negotiate a little. maybe twice then a week off then twice more etc. or... that she could give you a sliding scale to half price so you could see her weekly...

maybe?

I say this because i know that i'd find it really hard to cope if i was seeing my therapist fortnightly too. i was struggling with seeing him weekly, even. he said to me (last year) that optimally he would see me twice a week, though, and he said that another appt. time might come up this year. that helped give me the courage to broach the issue with him. part of why i was so embarrassed to ask is that he is offering me sliding scale rates. i know he gets a lot more in the hand if he sees other clients and i know he has no shortage of other clients to see. we managed a comprimise with the additional timeslot, however. i get it every fortnight on the sliding scale rate.

it is worth asking... worst that could happen would be that she would say that she was unable to do that. best case... it might eliminate the build up. i get a build up the night before... and lots of build up when i'm on my way there. takes me a day to wind down afterwards as well. 4 days of build up, though... that would be really hard to deal with. hang in there.

[sujunew]

great ideas thanks, but she won't neg! She has let me see her weekly for a bit, with me paying off those extra sessions as I could; but I couldn't do that as a regular thing ( I don't want to be owing her...).
Where's that money tree when you need it?!?!

hmm...

do you know why she won't negotiate?

i'm asking because... i understand that therapists have got to make a living i surely surely do but when it comes to trauma work... there is such a thing as 'non optimal frequency hence more traumatising than it needs to be'. experiencing significant anxiety before your sessions (for up to four days before your sessions) sounds pretty horrible to me. it also sounds pretty understandable given that you only get to see her once every two weeks.

i understand that therapists have got to make a living... but i also think that therapists have some obligations to do the best they can by their clients.

it could be worth going through the process to see another therapist? i know that you get on great with her... i'm wondering... (i say this very gently)... whether she might be 'comfortable' in that she is recapitulating some of the negligence that you have found in your past. whether she is reinforcing some of your core beliefs about being unworthy of more and generally undeserving.

sorry if i'm planting seeds that aren't there for you. i just know that in my position... i'd have a really hard time building trust when i'm seeing them that infrequently and i'd have such an immensely hard time doing trauma work when sessions are that infrequent.

i mean... one bad session with a feeling of disconnection... and that is one month without a feeling of connection. too long... too long...

Irish, I feel that feeling inside before each session, I go twice weekly...I guess its part and parcel of the whole process...all I do is tell her when I arrive how scary it is for me "today"...that seems to help at times....but I dont think any of us would go to T knowing we are talking about hard stuff and not feel like this...to some degree anyways...

[RACEKA]

I look forward to my sessions. I don't have a problem with anxiety until the day of the session. It's hard for me when I don't know where the session will go.

My T can see my anxiety and he usually starts out talking about outside matters. That always relaxes me and he notices that.

Hi irish, nice to talk to you the other night in the chat room. Are you seeing a counsellor or a psychologist?. Its a shame that she isn't registered with ACC. The T that I see has registered with ACC during the time that I have been seeing her. It seemed a quick process, although I don't know what it involved for her. I initially felt very apprehensive about involving ACC at all, however it only involved filling in one form, which I did with T. It has eased the financial burden considerably, although the approved sessions run out soon. You're right, there is no show of getting ACC funding if the therapist is not ACC registered. I suppose this is to prevent ACC subsidising counsellors etc who aren't fully qualified. Is there any way that your T might consider registering herself? I suppose its a bit pushy to suggest that isn't it. I know what you mean by anxiety pre a session. I still feel nervous every single time and I've been going nearly 2 years!! Some things will never change!!! Good luck . Take care

[sujunew]

mouse, alex, raceka, kindergirl. thanks for the posts. I guess I should resign myself to the fact that it is 'normal/natural' to have this anxiety and I just need to find distractions to help me through it. I would really love weekly sessions- cost though is prohibitive.
kindergirl, with your ACC form, was it a sensitive claims one? What were the ?s like- as deep and thorough as I am guessing they will be? I see a counsellor. Am hoping that if I do go ahead with ACC that she might consider becoming registered with them; after all it is really in her best interests too. Oh- and how many sessions do they approve? Thanks

[WinterRose]

What's ACC?

I know I'm always anxious going to the psychiatrist because I have an unreasonable fear that he won't see me. With T, I feel like Pavlov's dog - the minute I see her I almost always want to start crying.

Winterrose, ACC stands for Accident Compensation corp. Here in New Zealand, ACC covers payments related to accidents and also may cover costs related to "mental injury" caused by sexual abuse.

Irish - I'll pm you with that info.

sexual abuse. if you are talking about new zealand than the acc form basically involves:

acc form: 'were you sexually abused'
you: 'yes'

and bingo you are covered. i don't think you need to name the person and i don't think that charges are inevitable or anything like that.

personally... i refused to classify what happened to me as 'abuse' (it is complicated - but i have my reasons and that is the path i chose to take). hence... acc funding was not available to me. have i been physically abused? yep. have i been psychologically abused? yep. they aren't the magic words for the acc form, however...

acc accreditation can be more or less tricky for a therapist to obtain. it isn't just about their being qualified (acc accreditation is often a councellor / psychologists high road to private practice) rather it is about years of experience, experience with sexual abuse trauma etc etc etc. it might well be that if a therapist has been working for a number of years on those issues and has other health professionals who do have acc accreditation vouching for them that it is a relatively simple process... i have also heard, however, that acc accreditation can be hard to get (mostly from people who are newly qualitifed admittedly), but there can be a bit to that...

but... it all depends on where you are from because the process (and govt. reimbursement for practitioners) varies by country...

but then... come to think of it... is NZ the only country with acc???

[sunrise]

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alexandra_k said:
but then... come to think of it... is NZ the only country with acc???

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Is ACC something you would purchase individually, such as private accident insurance? Or is it a state program that covers all citizens? Here in the U.S., accidents are often covered under the liability portion of one's homeowner's insurance or there may be some coverage under one's health insurance. You can also purchase extra accident insurance from another company if you want. For example, my daughter injured her foot while at someone else's house (stepped on a nail sticking out of a board in their yard and got a nasty slash). Our health insurance would not pay for this but these people's homeowner's insurance covered the medical bills. I have never heard of accident insurance specifically covering sexual abuse. That would probably be covered under one's health insurance policy, for example, under the mental health benefit if one needed therapy.

IrishSJ, hope this isn't too much of a sidetrack to your thread. To answer your original question, yes, I did used to get really worked up before therapy sessions, in the early days of my intense attachment to my T. We have settled into an easier, more comfortable attachment now, and I don't get so worked up anymore. Also, some of the work we did early on was deep, intense, trauma work, and this would have me anticipating/dreading the session for days.

Hang in there. Therapy is hard work and can be painful.

suny

NZ is the only country in the world that has ACC. It is a government funded org that covers (not fully), New Zealand citizens who are injured and need medical care and rehabilitation. For example, if your are in an accident and unable to work ACC will cover up to around, I think, 80% of your salary, or up to a maximum amount.
Alexandra, I always enjoy reading your posts. Are you in New Zealand.?. The form I filled in was quite detailed and certainly required a lot more info than"Were you sexually abused", before any cover was granted. I didnt have to name anybody and there was nothing to do with charges etc. However, I did have to state when, where, and who the person/people were in realation to me. There was also a lot of information required by myself and counsellor in regard to the long term effects on my mental health, and what I hope to obtain through counselling. I hear what you are saying about cover only being for sexual abuse though. The scars run just as deep with other forms of abuse. Although it has been a great help financially, it was an ordeal filling all the info out, and a decision I put off for a long time. I struggled with the thought of having it "on paper" for anybody to see. Take care, have a happy day!!

[sujunew]

winterrose, sunrise, alex and kindergirl, again thanks for all the support and info. No, the sidetrack is most welcome sunrise- I am learning heaps! Thanks for the info you PMed me kindergirl, it has explained alot to me and taken away some of that 'fear of the unknown'. Filling in a form would greatly help me, as I would be easily able to afford at least weekly sessions but I am just not quite ready to take that step; also i would need to talk to my T about becoming registered. I kinda guessed that it would be pretty 'normal' to feel apprehensive before a session; it has been great listening to what everyone has to say and looking at options which may help me (in particular incresing my sessions!!!).
Again, thanks
irish.