Does your t ever call you attractive

This is precisely how I would take it. Ordinarily.


I guess it really depends on the context, but attractive is putting it mildly. If you were really trying to show an appreciation for someone's beauty then I think beautiful or gorgeous are the way to go.

My personal interpretation would be if he said I'm attractive, it's not that he personally sees me as attractive, but that to the general public, in the scheme of things, I would be considered attractive.

I KNOW my therapist called me beautiful. I can't remember if it was I was a beautiful woman or beautiful person. Either way it struck a nerve only because of my own issues. I'm willing to admit on a good day I'm attractive or pretty. To call me beautiful (in the physical sense) to me means you're LYING to me, and for that matter, this isn't that far off the mark if you say I'm a beautiful person. I FEEL like a fvck up who has made so many mistakes in relationships so that "beautiful person" doesn't fit either.

Amazing that the word beautiful could make me feel crummy. Especially from someone I like and respect.

My T has commented on my appearance. At first I liked it. Then I didn't. I did have some feelings for him, but then it got clearer that I was falling for something that I didn't want, couldn't happen, and am still not sure that he doesn't feel that way somewhere, hiding it I suspect.

I finally told him straight out that I did not like any comments on my appearance, that I was there for therapy, not to be admired for how I looked, was not "in love" with him, was not even attracted.

It is often a two-way street. People who work closely get attached. That can blur boundaries, make things complicated. (I've posted elsewhere about some of the complications.)

Once I was very direct and clear with him, he stopped. I still notice that he is looking at me in ways that give me a sense that he's "checking me out," but I just ignore it. Focus on the real work. He is sensitive enough to kinda get it.

In some types of therapy, erotic feelings are part of it; they are even encouraged to work through other things. I have done some of that, but realized it was a waste of time and money to have therapy about the therapy.

There are too many serious things going on to have him be the center. I have to remind myself that I pay him to be of service to me. I'm not there to entertain him, be seduced (metaphorically), be enticed into his world. I'm his boss. He has to do what I say. As clients, we sometimes forget that we are really in charge and just follow what the T says or does. It's not that I don't take his ideas in and consider them, but I'm not going to just follow because he is the supposed expert. Clients are the expert, the problem-solvers, the ones who make the change. The T has little to do with what makes for change. The relationship matters, but a therapy relationship, not a personal relationship.

No, I can't imagine my therapist ever saying I was attractive, but he has called me lovable, which I feel like is more about the whole person. And the human condition, really, as I think most people are lovable if you get to know them. Sometimes it's helpful to be reminded of that.

He did once comment on my ugly shoes once, only he said something nice about them- I had a foot injury and was wearing running shoes I did not like as they were the only comfortable things I had. He complimented me on the color or something, and after that I looked on them more cheerfully. It was funny to notice the change in my thinking after that, that he could find something nice to say about shoes that I had found so unappealing, and that then I would regard them more kindly!

I know what you mean. ; )

I think "attractive" can target different features, physical appearance is only one. Mine never said anything about my appearance and I don't wish for it even though I had sexual fantasies about him a few times. Of course it would be flattering to hear and I don't think I would find it disturbing, but not something I desire.

I also think that whether it's appropriate or not depends on context and patient. For example, with a client who has insecurities about their appearance and discusses this with T, I think it can be therapeutic. But with someone who has, for example, fears about other people potentially having inappropriate or unwanted sexual thoughts, it would probably be a mistake or disturbing.

Negative comments on appearance though or validating a client's negative self imagine I would say very inappropriate from a therapist.

What the actual FARK?!

That is vile. Was there even a point to that statement? How could that possibly be therapeutic or valuable in any way?

I'm really sorry he said that, and I'm sure it's not true!

Yes she has

My t has told me I am lovable but attractive? Nope. No way. I would be out of there so fast

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Was nice to see this. There was a thread here about who holds the power and I know that when I said that we are I was the minority. We do the work. With a bit of pushing, shoving, dragging, kicking, crying and screaming along the way lol.

She has commented on liking my outfit, new hairstyle, and that a color I am wearing looks good on me. Telling me I am attractive would make me uncomfortable.

My T has also commented on liking my hair a certain way I style it or liking my outfit or jewelry and I have given her the same compliments. Saying that I am attractive is different and I would feel really uncomfortable.

My T once said I have beautiful arms (it made sense in context), but that's it!
Because I had really full on ET, I wanted her for so long to find me attractive. Which would have simultaneously broken my heart of course.
Now, no way, I don't want her to say that. Maybe as above, comment on hair, jewellery etc...that would be nice.