The Couch - 109: CIX-Reintroduction

I prefer bags to jewelry. Due to some trauma crap jewelry is hard for me. But I own a lot and wear it when I can.

I do like to have a nice bag, but I destroy bags in a matter of months with all the kid stuff I haul about. Current bag is coming apart at the handle, but I love it and don't want to replace it. I just know it's going to give up the ghost on me when I'm somewhere with both kids and don't have a free hand...

Could you have a rugged inner bag to hold your stuff and a pretty outer bag for show?

Or a separate bag for the kids' stuff...like the diaper bag you probably had when they were little?

I'm trying to put off bedtime as long as possible, even though I'm exhausted. My sleep ritual the past month has been 1) get ready for bed, take pill that supposedly keeps nightmares at bay and puts me to sleep, 2) lie down and wait to sleep, then something - usually bad, occasionally good - crosses my mind and I cry about it, which makes me feel dreadful, 3) stop crying, toss and turn a couple hours, get up, have a glass of milk, go back to bed, and 4) fall asleep and have nightmares for a few hours, by which time it's time to get up.

I am really, really tired. I should probably not even be operating light machinery like the internet.

Don't go out and start the combine or thresher. Farm equipment is right out.

See, a thresher! When we got name tags at my last job, they were on breakaway neck cords, and i said that was good, so we wouldnt get them caught in a thresher! Nobody thought that was funny. I thought it was hilarious. Thresher is a very funny word. Even if you dont know wtf it means.

Not so funny if you work in farm.country and know people who have been injured/killed in farm machinery.....

Maybe thats why. Thanks.

Started my homework for t today on the way home. Writing at each stoplight. Thinking about the story I need to write from the 3 tarot cards I pulled the other day. Anyway as I was thinking about that, and possible 'other sides' of love and beauty, some bits of a new poem came:

"but beauty is sometimes a mask
hiding intricate pain behind
golden tendrils of deception"

thinking as I was that love can become manipulative (when it ceases to be love) and beauty can be deceptive and... stuff like that. I think it is easier to tell a story in a poem than to write an actual story.

H could tell I was upset this evening. He asked why and said "I hate it when you're upset." I tried. Honest, I tried to talk to him. All I could do was cry and say "It's ok. Don't worry about it."

It's me, it's always been me, it always will be me, and blah blah blah.

Ah, that's enough about me. I now return you to the regularly scheduled couch programming!

It's the weight that kills it. Anything that would otherwise damage the bag is in ziplocks..

Too much stuff to haul. I have my son on a halter (he runs off), then there's his pump bag and my daughter usually wants my other hand for security.

I like having pretty bags. I guess I can live with destroying them. Comes with the territory.

My parents have a friend who lost his arm in a thresher as a young man... And in my last job one of the other women got her long hair caught in one of the machines. Fortunately it wasn't the kind of machine that would take your head off, but still scary... After that they changed the safety procedures so that we had to have our hair tied up against our heads at all times like in the military.

My night every night minus the milk. I feel you. {Hugs...? Can't remember if you're for them or ack at them.}

Love the poem snippet Art.

It is very very hard to talk about changes and endings - and I mean *really* talk about it, *really* consider it. Even when a relationship is utterly destructive like mine was it provides a structure that you become very dependent on. Even just adjusting it to suit you better can be right scary. Taking it away altogether in one fell swoop - that's downright terrifying.

And it's not just you, there are two of you in it. Don't be the blame-taker anymore.

I think it is funny in an office environment.

After the night I had last night I am calling these guys

Ghostbusters!

I just saw an advertisement for a sleep rx that had a long and scary list of side effects. I have terrible insomnia but the side effects of those medications would, for me, be a lot worse. And it had creepy stuffed animal like things running around in it.

I'm so glad I was able to get off the Trazodone I used to take to sleep. Yeah, it helped me sleep alright, but it made me have very vivid nightmares way too often! I still occasionally have trouble sleeping but now when that happens, I talk to t via my teddy bear.

I hate the commercial with the creepy cats that are in the shapes of words. No one would be able to sleep with those things running around.

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well couch, work was pretty stressful today, literally back to back calls until about 3:30 pm when I saw "Ready" on my phone for about 10 seconds til I got the next barrage of calls. One hour overtime every day this week, then 8 hours over the weekend. I hope they can change mine to Sunday, so I can still see t on Saturday. For somebody who wanted to take a break for the rest of the month, I'm looking awfully forward to Saturday already. Ha. I'm more than ready to dive deeper into this fear of intimacy stuff, so I can figure out how the hell to talk to h about my feelings...

G'night couch, I hope everyone has the kind of dreams they want tonight... or peaceful dreamless sleep if that's what you're needing.... and for those on the other side of our planet where it's daytime now, I hope you have some time during your day to close your eyes and have a daydream or two!

omg i hate those things too! and i love cats!

Same! Love cats hate those creepy word cats. Not cool ad people, not cool.

I'd say another thing ad people need to go to hell for except it would make me picture it in my head.

ok now i'm actually logging off and going to bed!

Do you mean the petroleum based non-dairy whipped topping substance they have convinced the american public to consume in place of whipped cream?