Therapist treating me like crap again--shocking, no?

I'm not necessarily meaning transference. It may just be "this is how I survive relationships with men" "having them desire me sexually is a way to have closeness without emotional vulnerability". This might point to a relevant conversation about self-worth or ways of engaging in relationships.
I use those examples because I know they have truth for me, I'm not speculating about OP's situation.

Why do people stay with horrible people even when not being forced? Because they hurt, on a very deep level, because they accept what they think they deserve, because they are trying to repair something, a million and one reasons why humans do anything. Yet this is still not OPs fault. The T is the one who should be behaving like a professional and the T is the one who is being abusive and disgusting to the OP

Therapy is meant to heal. It's only goal is to heal. t may hurt sometimes but everything done in that room is meant to serve a client's need to heal. If it doesn't heal or isn't done with an intent to heal then it is not good therapy.

This man is sickening and he should lose his license. That is my minimal opinion.

Typed out whole response defending this, then realized it doesn't matter what I say. If you think MC is acting inappropriately in some way, well, OK. But I don't think so. Who knows what he's thinking, whether about me or any of his other clients. It's what he actually does that matters. (Referring to my marriage counselor here, not OP's T, which is a completely different situation.)

[Backs away slowly...]

Agree. Along those lines, I find this instructive:

"Shame pathology is so intense, and generates such powerful negative feelings toward the self, that the shamed individual is unable to derive self-esteem from within. This means that most, if not all, access to self-esteem must be sought through contact with others. The result is that the person who is unable to feel good about himself will engage in relationships with others that seem to represent a cure for shame. Poor self-esteem is another term for shame feelings. The process of acquiring this kind of self-esteem from an intimate relationship occurs when the person meets someone that to him represents a fantasy of redemption. The abiding fantasy that one day someone will appear to release him from his shame."

Thats exactly the point i am trying to make. Winenots t is JUST TALKING. So is your MC. They are both just following up on what their client did since the last session. Both ts are holding physical boundaries. Both ts COULD be criticized for being too loose with boundaries. If it is just a matter of where to draw the line, and neither t is making actual sexual advances (the "nasty" remark was more of an opinion, not an invitation or proposition) - then it just looks like apples and apples to me, not apples and oranges. Shes complaining her erotic transference fantasy is not being fulfilled - there is a lot of that going around here. No big deal in my book. Just business as usual. Its when the t DOES fulfill it that yeah we have a problem. In the meantime the client may act out in other ways. My way was chocolate.

Eta - i feel like everybody is so upset about the possibility of SA, or maybe just the mention of s-x, that they cant look at what just the psychology is behind this. We're like, ooooh men are dangerous, sex is dangerous, get a nonsexual female t, dont have these feelings. That doesnt solve anything. T is where we go to discuss nasty stuff we cant talk about anyplace else. We dont have to clean it up. We dont have to be RUDE about it, but as long as we talk nice and stay on our side of the room...!

I don't think anyone says sex is dangerous or that men are scary. As we can see plenty of bad Ts are women.

I think op needs good t to get to the bottom of lack of self respect and self worth. This t isn't helpful regardless if he likes to look at pics.

I sure hope if I brought naked pics to therapy my t wouldn't say " oh you are hot let me see some more and why don't you take some with your vibrator" but instead would ask what's this all about?

This t just sucks no matter if he is a man or not

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Unaluna, I agree that this belongs on another forum. My concern about the therapist's role, though, has been the way he's allowed the OP to physically expose herself to the point that she feels worse about herself (or so it seems from her reports). Sure, it's an image, but it's still exposure. I don't see it as a whole lot different from a relative of mine who has been known to parade naked in public. I have no doubt she comes on to her male therapist, as she does to all men, including relatives--but an ethical therapist would stop her and help her to see what she was doing. Maybe the OP is leaving that part out--and that may be the case--but I've never seen her post anything therapeutic or insightful going on with this guy. He does seem to get his ego fed from watching her go after him. And that's just wrong.

I've been following OP's story for some time now. I feel super sad for you, winenot. I hope you will find the strength to leave this T and start with a new one. Nothing good can come from staying with this T.

Maybe that would be the goal? Then again, whose goal? By whose standards? Dont we have the freedom to live as we want? Of course, this seems over the top to me too! But - The therapist's job is just to give unconditional positive regard, help her figure out why she does this - if thats what she wants. Not to judge like hes a priest. And the Pope has even changed THAT!

By the ethical standards of the profession.
It is his professional position as a therapist which has put him in this powerful position. He is there because he trained, trained in ethics and signed an ethical code. That is his responsibility and he is not free to do what he wants because his professional responsibility to his client outweighs his desires.

I think the difference here is in the title of this thread--"therapist is treating me like crap again." OP is unhappy about how her therapy is going and feeling distress at how her T is treating her. So that's where the problem is. If she was showing the pictures and found it therapeutically helpful and she was perfectly content with how things were going--and we were criticizing her (and him) for that--well, that would be different. But she's saying she's unhappy with the relationship and with how her T is acting, so we're suggesting reasons why that might be. She's blaming herself, so many of us are saying, no, it's the T that is to blame. Does that make sense? (I need more coffee.)

Well it depends what person needs. If a client lives life style that makes a client miserable, unconditional regard is just not helpful. This t isn't trying to get to the bottom of why she does this, in fact makes it worse by suggesting she does more things to make herself unhappy. He gets paid for it. That's unethical. I am not saying one needs to judge but come on offer some insight beyond suggesting vibrator! At least ask why are you showing me this?

What the therapist is doing is NOT unconditional positive regard. This is a case of a therapist lacking the professionalism and human decency to say "no, I personally will not look at your pictures because that would be against my own personal and professional boundaries. Let's talk about why you have the need to show them to me particularly." That isn't judgmental. That's just decent and professional. This T is abusing his power to get his jollies from winenot's photos.

He might not care about the pictures but care about feeling powerful and having women list over him. He is one of the worst therapist I've read on here

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Very interesting, I keep coming back to think about this. What's the source?

We may differ in our thoughts about therapy on the whole, but this is a point I agree with you emphatically on. And it carries over into my everyday life. Layers and layers of overanalyzing....and perhaps the overanalysis can lead to an INCORRECT analysis about some things.

Here's the source:
Rage, Shame and the Death of Love by William Cloke, Ph.D.

I wonder how many Ts are equipped to recognize and deal with such wounding when it manifests.

Thanks for the source Bud. The quote that you listed hit me rather profoundly, such that I made a seperate thread. Entitled "shame"

In my experience, few were.

weird, i made a new post on here but it got deleted. why?

EDIT: nevermind, I saw it went in a different post by accident. Ugh. I'm so out of it today I can't even think straight! Too bad i'm at work.

Hi, I saw it, and thought of PM'ing you but I'll just reply here.

Seems to me like your T is exploiting/mistreating you AND you are learning to recognize it emotionally and not feel so good about it. Re-enactment of your experience with exploitive boyfriends? BUT, eventually, as Echos Myron said, I hope/believe that your instincts and wisdom may be developing through this experience and so, crappy though your T may be, maybe the therapy is doing what it needs to do? At least in part?

I say that because I believe I am currently in a somewhat unhealthy dynamic with my T, whom I experience as judgmental and shaming sometimes, something which I have learned, in part with her help, that I extremely reactive to. Somedays I felt sick to my stomach about her, or the way I was with her. We've discussed it, she's tried some new things, proposed some new things, still slogging through it. And I hope to maybe get a thicker skin so I'm not so "allergic" to judgmental women in the future. If that makes any sense.

Actually I think that is pretty good insight. My therapy has helped me to realize things that I wasn't noticing before about myself, that's for sure. Maybe it's true that not everything is negative in my interactions with him. And someone with a BPD diagnosis isn't easy to treat. I'm not easy on him at all. Granted, I also haven't really been honest with him since we started the whole nude picture thing. I feel like now that that element has entered my therapy, I can't really talk about it. He's never wanted to analyze my feelings for him, and only has when prompted by me. I could always tell that my romantic feelings for him makes him uncomfortable. He shoves things under the rug, just like my father.

Actually, most of this has to do with my father, and I can thank my therapist for at least showing me that. My younger sister was the one who pointed it out after sharing a snippet of a recording of my session-- "You sound like you're just talking and hanging out with dad." It's hard to know which is just transference manifesting itself and how much of it is my regard for my therapist as an actual person. My father is two years younger than my therapist (so that would make my father going on 68 and my therapist almost 70). It makes so much sense. Wanting someone to rescue me and take care of me, but be my best friend as well as a lover. My therapist and I don't talk about this. He takes my feelings so literal. He just seems different and very closed off nowadays, which is weird because while he pulls back emotionally, he keeps pushing forward sexually, and at this point I'm just confused. If he doesn't want me, he really shouldn't be giving me crumbs.

It's just...there's so much material here to discuss, if he actually believed in "transference." A lot of my pain is rooted there. I feel that he really missed the mark on my therapy, and part of it is my fault because I never speak up because I'm scared of the man. I would love to open up to him about my feelings, but again, those rejection fears keep playing out. I need a safe space, and I was feeling safe until it got sexualized. I still can't believe that I'm reacting this way, because again, I thought FOR SURE, 100%, that I wanted him. I spent hours researching the laws in my state to see if I could be friends with him. I'm afraid if I back down about the pictures then he'll think, "Oh, I knew she couldn't handle this." I suppose I've been trying to show him that I'm not weak, that I have gotten better, and that I don't mind having a little "harmless" fun. I play it off all as a good time, rather than the hell that actually goes through my mind.

Sorry for the novel! And also sorry to hear that you are going through some similar issues with your own therapist. It's hard, I know. At least I've learned through all this that even supposed "perfect" people (i.e. therapists) actually aren't. It's all a mask. And not everyone is going to save me or feel sorry for me, or even like me. And I guess we're supposed to be okay with that. Am trying to come to terms.

I'm going to respond to this when I get home from work. I think you also had some good things to say and I'd like to reply when I get the time! Thanks.

My (ex) roommate thinks he's a genius. She's told me details about their sessions before, most of which sound like that's just how he is with everyone. I've told her that I've told him certain details about sex, and she was like, "Oh, you talk to him about that stuff?" like, looking sort of weirded out. I've told her we have exchanged text messages often, and she said that she only likes to call him on his office line and that she would feel uncomfortable "bothering him." They keep professional boundaries, and she seems to think he's amazing, cool, funny, etc. They keep a good rapport. I mean of course I'm not in the room with them, but I know that she would never put up with something weird. She gets easily grossed out by creepy men, where I seem to welcome it. So I think some elements of the way he interacts with me, and the way he probably interacts with her, are similar, while others not as much.

So when I stop and think about it, maybe he often just tries to conduct therapy in the "positive regard" fashion. I saw this video on Youtube and wondered if transference focused therapy is what he's been trying to conduct/accomplish with me...it's hard to say. Maybe things just got ****ed up. If I look at things from a benign standpoint, that is what I would see:

(Effectiveness of Transference Focused Therapy for Borderline Personality Disorder)