[Tangerine87]

How were boundaries in your therapy introduced for you? And how did you deal with it? My t suddenly didn't want me to email
Her anymore after years of me emailing her. I felt so abandoned and alone. I felt that she didn't care anymore. How did u react?

[awkwardlyyours]

Am sorry that's painful.

My T had me sign a legal-looking agreement early on which included stuff about her not offering any out-of-session contact except for scheduling purposes. It's worked for me so far.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by awkwardlyyours

Am sorry that's painful.

My T had me sign a legal-looking agreement early on which included stuff about her not offering any out-of-session contact except for scheduling purposes. It's worked for me so far.

This, for Nos. 1 and 2, though they allowed contact, and it later turned out No. 1 didn't actually follow the boundaries laid out.

No. 3 has never said anything about it, not even in the initial contract, but apparently I'm free to call or email between sessions.

[formyself]

Out of 3 or 4, I've never had a T introduce boundaries or ever bring them up again...

[hopealwayz]

I had that same thing happen to me also. My T used to allow me to email and text between sessions but he told me to stop. It hurts more when they allowed it and then it gets taken away. Well, he never liked texts but he didn't say anything for a long time.

I'm so sorry that this happened to you too.

I was in crisis when I started, so it wasn't something I could think about rationally. They were introduced through a form I signed but didn't read, and she was very gentle with me when issues came up. They haven't been a problem, but on the other hand, I am avoiding dealing with the main reason I came to therapy in the first place, because I find it unbearable.....

Boundaries were never something we really ever had discussions about. They were never really an issue one way or another.

It seems a common problem, a therapist changing the boundaries in therapy, and it's very painful to go through as a client because it reenacts inconsistent parenting and abandonment issues from childhood. You would think this would be obvious to them.
My first therapist did things similar to this and it was confusing and painful.
Current T has been really consistent in the way he responds to email (usually answers with a line or two, but doesn't respond if the issue seems like something best left for therapy).
Sorry your T is not understanding your needs on this

'After years'? I'm not sure. I think T has a lot of personal integrity and professional skill so don't see her suddenly deciding something needs to stop. Infact there would be a lot of talking about the issue. It would be resolved within the therapy. I mean, that's therapy. It's not sch mistress v pupil.

[junkDNA]

We discussed the obvious ones that pertain to one of my issues (romantiv, sexual boundaries) but not much about out of session contact until I started texting him all these

Possible trigger:

suicidal

texts non stop and he told me that it needed to stop because it was putting him in distress. I stopped texting him altogether and of course felt very hurt about the whole thing but also understood. A few months later he texted me and we started texting again. On new years eve he told me through a text that it was getting a bit much again bc I was getting upset I'd he didn't respond. He said it doesn't mean he doesn't care. I just said ok and felt really crappy. When I saw him next he apologized for telling me that through a text and he should have talked to me in person. I am still somewhat fearful one day he will take it away again but I have gotten better about not expecting responses and he did tell me it is still ok to text him.

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[seoultous]

I signed a contract stating that I knew the terms of therapy, charges, confidentiality, etc. My t nearly always says "call me if you need anything" at the end of the session. I think over the 7 years I have seen her that I have called her about 7 times. Each time she thanks me for calling her. Other than that, there has been nothing said about specific boundaries and I haven't asked.

Boundaries have never come up with my T. He's cool with email and phone calls.

[coldnovemberrain]

never discussed.

i never call.
few times i have emailed...at times he replies with a one liner...at times...i get nothing.

i hate it !

[nottrustin]

We never discussed it in the beginning. I never realized out of session contact was a possibility other than for appointment related issues. When we first started discussing the really painful things she reiterated many times to call to call or email her if I needed to. Initially I called her quite a bit. She lives alone so I knew it was safe to call. Then there were a couple of times I called her and she had company over so she answered the phone but told me that she had people there and so she would call me back. After that I started emailing her. She still tells me to contact her if need be. She figured out that email works best for me. If I need to talk to her on the phone I will ask her if she could call me when it is a good time. As far as texting goes, she has mentioned many times how much she hates texting which I find funny because she emails me from her phone but hates texting. I am not sure what the difference is but I a cool with it as I know she checks he email frequently from her phone.]

She did mention this week if I ever get an email that makes me upset or think she is upset to please talk to her about it. She recently had a client who thought T was upset in a reply email. She was absolutely not upset. There have been a couple of times something upset me but I was able to figure out what she meant without coming out and saying I was upset.

I always assumed no out of session contact until told otherwise.

Most therapists seem to be pretty incompetent about so many issues that I wonder what they actually learn.

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[musinglizzy]

I never call my T. And I have never really texted/Emailed "in distress" or suicidal or anything like that...so I think she knows if I ever did contact her in crisis, she would know it's a really big deal. However my T is very inconsistent in boundaries. It drives me nuts to try to understand where we are at. A good example, she sent me an Email a week ago letting me know that she's trying to not be so connected to her devices, so she said she didn't want me to text her anymore unless it was an emergency. We both know, I really don't HAVE emergencies. I understand, but of course took it as a bit of rejection, because things with her have changed so much. But, she sent me a text on Wednesday, just wanting to know how I'm doing, as I have a great deal of stuff going on in my life. I thought about it, and instead of texting her back, I Emailed her to answer that question. It was confusing to me, she asked for no texts, yet she texted me when it was suitable for her. Don't get me wrong, I'm very appreciative that she checked in! But I Emailed her a reply instead of texting her back.

My T is on vacation now. We had a session on Thursday, and she said to keep in touch while she's gone, "text me anytime." WTF? She just told me on Saturday to not text her anymore, then sends me one on Wednesday, and on Thursday tells me to text her anytime? I just don't get it....I find it really confusing. Just like last summer. She used to tell me she loved me, then I get an Email from her saying that's reserved for people in her private life, and not genuine, so won't be saying it anymore. That really hurt me too. Then, two weeks after she told me that, she gave me a hug after a session and told me she loved me. UGH. I just try to keep up with her, but have learned to put up some boundaries for myself to keep myself from getting hurt.

There was never a conversation about boundaries with any of my therapists only one! She crossed my boundaries in a most unprofessional way. She asked me to be friends on Facebook and gave me a lecture then on boundaries. This was clearly her issue not mine and I never went to see her again.
Tangerine, what happened to you is very unfair. I wish ts would be upfront about their limitations and avail abilities when they first meet! Did your t at least give you a good reason for taking away your emails?

In future if I hear the word boundaries from a t I will walk out the door!
I tell my clients that I can take calls at certain times, they can text but not to expect a reply straight away, I will get back to them when I can. I tell them when I am going away and when I will be back and so far this has worked well for me and them. I brought one client to supervision because they would always text on Saturday nights and my supervisor asked if it was an emergency I said no, he said so leave it till Monday morning for a reply. As a client I would be upset, I asked was it ok to reply on the Saturday and he said well it's up to you. I said I felt it was important for this particular client as they have attachment issues and just need to know I am still there. He said how about a little text to say you are there and will reply on Monday. We agreed to this. I have flexible boundaries for different clients but mostly I am open to outside communication, when it gets too much I will implement changes for me and clients safety.

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