Facing termination

My therapist told me this past Monday that she is closing her practice and has found another job. She will be working at a mental health center and no longer a therapist. I have two months left with her. I am not handling this well. Its going to be a huge loss. She has said that we can keep in contact when therapy ends. This is a positive termination but I feel so much sadness and anger towards her. I have talked about these feelings with her and she just says they are normal. I suggested we write each other letters and she thought that was a good idea. I am just not coping well.

How have other people dealt with a positive termination? How did you deal with your feelings? How did your last sessions go? Did you keep in contact with your T? If so, how did that go? Did you give your T a present at your last session? Were you emotional at your last session? How do you move on from it?

So sorry to hear this, you always sounded like you had a very close relationship with your T. I feel angry on your behalf. I think that being a T is a unique job and that T's should make a commitment to stay with clients if they want to do this job. If they can't do that, they shouldn't do the job. I'm so sorry with what you are facing.

Personally I find this irresponsible, two months is a very short time to just close down everything and move on to another T (if that´s what you´re going to do). I think she should have ended with clients gradually until there were no clients left so to speak or at least she should have given you six months to terminate and get used to that she won´t be your T anymore.

I hurt for you.

I hurt for you also. You have a very special T by the sounds of it, this is a huge loss. HUGS!

I'm having my last session on monday with my T.she told me about 6 weeks ago that she's moving out of state and starting a new job. I was really mad at her at first but that has gotten a lot better. I interviewed 3 potential new T s and picked ok ne of them. I've seen the new one twice so far. She is helping me deal with my feelings about my T who is leaving. I really didn't want to go to my last appointment with my old T but my new T recommended that I go.
I know it's hard, but I recommend that you start looking for a new T before you finish with the one that's leaving.
I hope you find a new T that you like. I know it's hard to go through this

I thought the same thing when she dropped this news on me. Why become a therapist (she has been one for over 15 years, 12 of which I have been with her) if you can't keep your commitment to do the job? Don't enter the field with vulnerable clients if you are just going to leave. I really feel for her other clients.

When she told me we had two months left I was thinking that it wasn't enough notice to give her clients but I felt I was being irrational. Now I see I wasn't.

Has she suggested anything as far as seeing anyone else or anything?

I don't understand why she can't keep her practice going part--time. Also, she must have been actively job-hunting for awhile, but didn't even alert you? After 12 years? Ouch.

I am done with in person therapists. I don't trust them. The same thing is going to happen with someone new. I am really sorry you are going through this. Its very hard. I think your last session is really important. You don't want to have any regrets. I hope you have a good final session.

She said she would help me find another therapist but I don't trust them. The same thing or worse will happen with someone else.

I asked her why she can't keep her practice open part time and she said its to much with her new full time job and she needs time with her family. I think she knew about this possibility of her finding a new job for awhile and it bothers me that she didn't say anything.

I totally get this. I avoided therapy for 5+ years because of this. Then I went back and had an even worse experience. If I hadn't been desperate and unsafe I never would have ever tried therapy again.

This must feel out of nowhere. So painful.

Maybe she'll get fired or hate it

Wow, after twelve years!! You have always posted so positively about her. I am so so sorry.
I'm sad that you feel this way I have no idea what was going on in your T's head about why she only gave two months' notice. There probably are a myriad of reasons, but I would be hurt and angry too.

I'm so sorry, Cinnamon! I didn't realize you'd been seeing her for so many years. That's crummy for her to leave now, I think. I've left several Ts in a positive way, but it was a gradual tapering off, which you unfortunately won't be able to do. I would suggest discussing what you've learned from therapy in all those years, and what is left unfinished. You still have time to work on unfinished business. I would ask any questions I had, and say anything I wanted to, before termination. I gave my former Ts cards that I made as a good-bye gift. One of them gave me a book, and one gave me a hug after 6 years! After 12 years, I would want to give my T a present, and would for sure hope that she would remain in contact via email.

I also think it's important for you to discuss your feelings about her terminating you in this way. I understand your pain. If my T of 6 years suddenly announced she's changing jobs, I would be very, very sad.

I'm so sorry--I know you're really close with your T. Any chance she'd still see a few clients (including you) on an individual, limited basis?

I asked her. When she closes her practice she is done being a therapist. She says she will be working full time (she is part time now) and needs family time. All of this hurts and stings more than I can express.

This is really painful, Cinnamon Stick. I'm so sorry for your loss.
I think a positive ending is possible, but don't try to force it. Let yourself be angry as long as you need to.

I had a positive ending before this T, several years ago, and we still keep in touch. It's slowed down, but we connect once a year or so. It was difficult, but not traumatic like a sudden ending I suppose. The end was heartfelt; sentimental.

And I learned--with a good relationship, the connection lives forever.

I'm sorry you're losing your T, Cinnamon after 12 years I can only imagine how much of a loss it is.

I do wonder about this though - life changes for all of us, how many of us are doing the same job now that we did 12 years ago? How long should a T commit to staying with a client? For life? You can't know why your T has taken a new job, perhaps she can't afford to live without a salary, being a T isn't paying her enough, or she needs fixed work times or whatever. Should she set her needs and her families needs aside for her clients? Would any of us do that for our work regardless of how much we cared about what we did?

12 years is a very long time and it's right that you should have time to end the relationship, and it's ok to be angry or disappointed or sad or let down or whatever. It doesn't mean you're being selfish or uncaring about her - the situation sucks, but I'm not sure she's done anything wrong either.

This really makes me angry for you Cinnamon!

I'm on my journey into becoming a counsellor, and one of the things that I am really passionate about is my dedication that I will have in the future to my clients. And how important it is to the client for some sort of stability and care. As much as possible.

Maybe however hard and hurtful this is at the moment for you, it may turn out to be positive for you. Change is never easy. Allow yourself to feel all the feelings. Give yourself time

I'm really sorry. You always talked about your therapist with so much confidence in your relationship. The whole thing seemed rock solid. And yet...
I can't imagine how it must feel like. I'd be angry too if I were you and I'd feel abandoned.
Like others pointed out, she must have known for quite some time that she was switching jobs (the whole job search) and she didn't say anything? That sucks.

I'm so sorry you're facing this Cinnamon!

Sorry to hear this Cinnamon Stick. It is natural to be angry and hurt by this, especially after 12 years, so allow yourself the space to experience whatever feelings emerge for you.
To offer a bit of balance, I do agree with Merecat; we cannot know why she has left the job. Perhaps she was under financial pressure and had to take a full time role, and once you are offered a job, oftentimes you aren't given a lot of choice about how long you have before the starting date. It seems obvious the that she never intended to hurt you. And while you have every right to question her commitment, it seems to me that seeing clients for as long as 12 years does show commitment to you. Not many of us on this board have been lucky enough to have such consistent treatment for so long.
I hope the termination can be a positive one, not least because I think it will make the grieving process easier for you to know things ended well. Also, might it not at least be worth asking T about possible referrals? You don't have to take them, but at least the option would be open and the referrals we be selected just for you, by somebody who knows you very well.
I so sorry you are facing such a loss, and wishing you well for the road ahead.

I am sorry cinnamon. It hurts. Hang in there. I
Hope she has good referrals for you

I do have to say though that 2 months is sufficient. I was surprised people said she had to give you 6 months. No work places would keep a spot for 6 months. I once wasn't even given 2 weeks and if I won't commit in a week they would take other candidate. I was going for 15k pay increase and no way I'd say no to that, I had bills to pay. Luckily my former employer understood I had to leave in
a week. Life happens. She didn't do it to hurt you, she just has other obligations. I know it doesn't make it easier

I wish you the best and totally understand your sadness



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I am very sorry that you need to let go of her, it always came across from your comments boldly that you have a strong relationship. I am also thinking that perhaps having much more than 2 months might actually turn counterproductive by prolonging this painful "limbo" period. Can you maybe see her more frequently than usual during the remaining time? Some people here say that they start seeing a new therapist already before the actual termination date with the old one, would that be helpful?

Painful as it is now, it sounds like your T has been highly committed to working with you, 12 years is a very long time. Unfortunately T's are not machines created to serve the clients no matter what, have no needs on their own etc... Maybe she has arrived at a stage of her life/career where she needs this change not only for financial reasons but for her own growth as a person? Of course there is nothing rational in how we react to and deal with loss so knowing she may have good reasons to end her therapist role is not going to soothe the pain much.

I think what I would do is make the rest of the time together as meaningful as possible, express my feelings to her so that they are out there and not held back so that they come back to haunt you long after the separation in destructive ways. I know it is hard since you probably don't feel very comfortable expressing negative feelings towards her and/or her choice, but perhaps your best interest right now to continue doing that? I recall from your posts that you had a tendency to express your thoughts and feelings to your T in creative ways -- perhaps something to do now about this as well?

Wow I am shocked. I am so very sorry. I ant imagine the pain of the loss and the anger... it must be intense. I don't know what else to say honestly... I'm not sure I could cope with this either if it happened to me

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