[Chummy]

I had a session last week and one of the things I talked about was that I'm curious about her. More and more often I wonder who she is, what she likes, what she does outside of work. It was the first time I told her this. She said that it's normal to be curious about a T's interest and such. If you have been in a therapeutic relationship that long, it's not weird to wonder what

She then asked if it would be good for me to have an answer to those questions. Would it make me happy if I know some of those things? Would I gain something from knowing a little bit about her life outside of work? Would it be good for me on the long term? Would it change anything for me? Would it make things better?

She said it would be good for me to think about this.

I hadn't actually thought about that. I said that it wouldn't make me happy or something. My curiousity would be stilled. Other than that I didn't really knew.

Now I wonder if it would be positive for me to know a bit more about her. I'm not talking about really personal things, but about her interests in music, books, traveling, sport, tv. That kind. It doesn't mean that she will answer some questions I have about her.

Would it be good for me? I already envy her, but that is because she pretty, kind, smart, has a good job, boyfriend, baby daugther, she seems happy. Could knowing about some of her interests make this even more or could it help me to stop thinking so much about her? I don't know much about her and I want so badly to know a little bit more about her. Maybe getting some answers to what I would like to know would make be think less about her and wonder what things she likes?

I would like to know your experiences. Here and there I've read from several people that know a bit about there T's life/interest.

[Waterbear]

I have no experience, I have never wondered too much but I am new to all this. Maybe you are trying to even up a very one sided relationship? She knows a lot about you and you probably don't know much about her. Is that a bad thing? Probably not. How would it help? Maybe you would feel more free to share even more? Just some thoughts. Seems positive though that she still wants to help even though she is going away. Hugs to you.

[ilikecats]

I'm very curious about my T too. I've asked a lot of questions, and many of them she's answered. I find it helpful to know more about her. It makes me obsess and think about her a little less. It's also made me feel closer to her. However, I think I remember reading that your T is going on maternity leave soon, so feeling closer to her might make that harder too. I do think it's nice knowing more about my T though.

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[Myrto]

I know a bit about my therapist, the rest I have gathered from my (extensive) googling of her.
It's not that she's opposed to sharing but she did that more in the beginning, not so much now.
Like you, I want to know everything about her: what she likes to eat, watch, read, listen to, etc.
Would knowing more about her stop your curiosity a bit or would it feed it?
I know for me, nothing she may tell me will stop how curious I am about her: the more I know the more I want to know. It's not super healthy.
Also sometimes knowing too much might hurt you (as you say, you already envy her).
Personally, I wish I could unknow all the stuff about her kids that I found out.

Think of some questions you could ask her but my advice would be to not want to know too much.

I know things about my therapist, it helps a lot.

My T's have always been pretty open about these kinds of things that you are mentioning. Never caused me any problems to know that kind of information. They were never mysteries to me. It wasn't any big moment when they told me these things. It was just an accumulation of information over the years. It didn't detract from my therapy in any way, and I certainly didn't feel compelled to hunt out information about them. For me, it just kept them real.

[ScarletPimpernel]

T is pretty closed off about personal information. She knows I "Google" her. I don't think she knows how much I found out from that, and I don't think she wants to know. I wish I knew more. I don't believe it would hurt me. It would help feel like I can relate to her. But it is what it is, and I never push her for information.

I struggle with belonging. Having been adopted and then not 'owned' by my adoptive family I always felt knowing more about T would make me matter more to her, belong to her, be part of her. Of course that would have just been a smoke screen. I still would have had those undylying feelings of being on the outside. Talking about those feelings rather than who T is outside is my therapy.

[Soccer mom]

I felt this way with ex-T and it really bothered me. Why would I want to know more about her than some of my friends? why was I so curious? Current T. said it's normal to want to know more about someone you feel close to. But, we also figured out that I was seeing if I was good enough. It was part of me wanting to be accepted by her. It's still there but now I remind myself of the reason.

It's helpful for me to ask myself why I want to know. If you find out ______, then what? And, perhaps it depends on the level of information you want to know. I decided with ex-T that I would ask one question a session. So, the first question was what kind of music does she like. She said pretty much everything except head banging. I said you've got to have one or two types (feeling she was being general to frustrate me). She said she didn't and that other people who have asked couldn't believe it either. I decided then that she liked being "different" and liked people wondering about her so I stopped asking questions. LOL

Ironically, I am in a great relationship with new T. and I don't wonder much about her at all. So, I do think that the curiosity is about an insecurity with the therapist.

[SoConfused623]

Wow, I could have written your post. I'm right there with you. I'm really hoping that it works out for you.

Originally Posted by Chummy

I had a session last week and one of the things I talked about was that I'm curious about her. More and more often I wonder who she is, what she likes, what she does outside of work. It was the first time I told her this. She said that it's normal to be curious about a T's interest and such. If you have been in a therapeutic relationship that long, it's not weird to wonder what

She then asked if it would be good for me to have an answer to those questions. Would it make me happy if I know some of those things? Would I gain something from knowing a little bit about her life outside of work? Would it be good for me on the long term? Would it change anything for me? Would it make things better?

She said it would be good for me to think about this.

I hadn't actually thought about that. I said that it wouldn't make me happy or something. My curiousity would be stilled. Other than that I didn't really knew.

Now I wonder if it would be positive for me to know a bit more about her. I'm not talking about really personal things, but about her interests in music, books, traveling, sport, tv. That kind. It doesn't mean that she will answer some questions I have about her.

Would it be good for me? I already envy her, but that is because she pretty, kind, smart, has a good job, boyfriend, baby daugther, she seems happy. Could knowing about some of her interests make this even more or could it help me to stop thinking so much about her? I don't know much about her and I want so badly to know a little bit more about her. Maybe getting some answers to what I would like to know would make be think less about her and wonder what things she likes?

I would like to know your experiences. Here and there I've read from several people that know a bit about there T's life/interest.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I have asked some things about my T. Its helps to know more about her. I also think its normal to want to know more as the relationship is so one sided and you are pouring out your heart and soul to someone.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by Chummy

I had a session last week and one of the things I talked about was that I'm curious about her. More and more often I wonder who she is, what she likes, what she does outside of work. It was the first time I told her this. She said that it's normal to be curious about a T's interest and such. If you have been in a therapeutic relationship that long, it's not weird to wonder what

She then asked if it would be good for me to have an answer to those questions. Would it make me happy if I know some of those things? Would I gain something from knowing a little bit about her life outside of work? Would it be good for me on the long term? Would it change anything for me? Would it make things better?

She said it would be good for me to think about this.

I hadn't actually thought about that. I said that it wouldn't make me happy or something. My curiousity would be stilled. Other than that I didn't really knew.

Now I wonder if it would be positive for me to know a bit more about her. I'm not talking about really personal things, but about her interests in music, books, traveling, sport, tv. That kind. It doesn't mean that she will answer some questions I have about her.

Would it be good for me? I already envy her, but that is because she pretty, kind, smart, has a good job, boyfriend, baby daugther, she seems happy. Could knowing about some of her interests make this even more or could it help me to stop thinking so much about her? I don't know much about her and I want so badly to know a little bit more about her. Maybe getting some answers to what I would like to know would make be think less about her and wonder what things she likes?

I would like to know your experiences. Here and there I've read from several people that know a bit about there T's life/interest.

Your T sounds very wise to ask you those questions about whether it would help you or not to know more about her. When is she going on maternity leave? I think in your case, to know more about her might help you internalize her while she is away. But, in general, I'm not sure. I wanted to know more about my T, and one day I asked her what her favorite foods, colors, music, movies, etc. are. She answered everything. But I always want to know everything about my Ts, so I Googled her also, and went on her FB page, and looked up her kids, too. I became jealous of her, more so, after reading her FB page. She says it's better to ask her questions, and she will usually answer them. I've been with her for 6 years, so I'm learning about her even when I don't ask. I used to think she was perfect, but then she got divorced. She told me she's just a regular person. That helped me a lot!

So that's my experience. I like knowing more about my T, but sometimes I wish I didn't know so much. It makes me feel closer to her, and it's better than not knowing. There has to be a middle ground.

[Chummy]

I have googled T but the only things I've found out: her LinkedIn profile, her profile pics of Facebook, who her boyfriend is and what he looks like, the name of her daugther.

I was already jealous from the first time I saw her. She's pretty and slim. Much of my jealousy is based on what I see of her in sessions. She's funny, smart, talks easily. And some of my jealousy is from what I think she has or how her life is; a boyfriend, a beautiful daughter, another daughter on the way, a diploma, a good job, a place of her own and I think she has friends, nice parents and siblings and in general she had a good life and is a happy and positive person.

I would like to know EVERYTHING about her. But that isn't possible. Like, I cant know when she lost her virginity and such things.
I think more personal things could make me even more jealous. Because then I can compare even more how much different our lives are.
But I think knowing about het interest (music, tv, books, sports, food, traveling), that might help me to lessen my ""obsesion" about her. Maybe I wouldn't wonder so much about her. Maybe I would see her more as I person like me and not only as my T and someone who's much better than me.

I am insecure about our relationship. But I am that with most people, even with my mother. That had a lot to do with me and my self-esteem and insecurities.

I have been interested in her interesses since I started seeing her. But this time in therapy it has been much more. And it had been like this since I started in Januari last year.

Maybe because of her leave I have finally shared this with her. I've only two sessions left and then I cant talk to her for MONTHS. The past year I could decide to tell her or ask her something ever week, but after next week I won't have that opportunity for months and months.

[BudFox]

As for curiosity about Ts, I think it's sad that people are made to feel weird about this. Seems to me what's weird is having a quasi-intimate relationship with someone who doesn't reveal much about themselves.

Originally Posted by BudFox

As for curiosity about Ts, I think it's sad that people are made to feel weird about this. Seems to me what's weird is having a quasi-intimate relationship with someone who doesn't reveal much about themselves.

Thank you for that.

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[SeekerOfLife]

Hi Chummy. In the beginning of my therapy with T, after 2-3 sessions, I said I wanted to know some personal things about her. She asked why. I said, "It feels really weird to tell you all this personal stuff, and I don't know anything about you." For me to know a few personal things about her helps me a lot to be more comfortable in therapy. I guess it is personal and different for each one of us.

[Chummy]

Originally Posted by SeekerOfLife

Hi Chummy. In the beginning of my therapy with T, after 2-3 sessions, I said I wanted to know some personal things about her. She asked why. I said, "It feels really weird to tell you all this personal stuff, and I don't know anything about you." For me to know a few personal things about her helps me a lot to be more comfortable in therapy. I guess it is personal and different for each one of us.

It does feel weird to tell someone personal things and you know nothing about that person. Especially when you start seeing a new T. I think this could have help me too, but I was/am much to shy/anxious to ask questions.
With pdoc I'm also feeling very uncomfortable telling things about myself. I think just knowing why he chose to become a pdoc could help me to open up a bit more. But I've been much too anxious to ask him.