Last session: how to say goodbye?

As some of you may have read my therapist is going on maternity leave. I've been whining here a lot. Sorry. It's what's been on my mind most of the time since she told me.

Friday is my last session with her. She calls it a temporarily goodbye, but I don't really believe that until she's actually back at work. She can change her mind. She's free for 5 months, so maybe she decides she rather take care of her kids herself for some time.

Last session she asked me what I want to do in our last session. She suggested we could play a game. Or we could eat some pie, because it's some kind of special occation. It's up to me. I'm the one who gets to decide this.

I don't know what I want to do. Most of my sessions were therapy, it should be because it is therapy. But even just a minute of small talk at the start of end of a session is hard for me. Mostly because she's the therapist and I find it hard to talk with a T about anything other than therapy. So this last session could feel uncomfortable for me.

I have terminate a few times. The first time with current T the last sessions would go about what I've learned and what to do when... But that kind of talk isn't in order for now. We have talked about what I should talk about to replacement T, what's important and such.

So this session will be a casual session. Different than our usual sessions. 45 minutes.

I thought about baking a small apple pie and eat a little piece together. And what's left of the pie she could share with her college's?

But other than that I haven't got ideas yet.

Do any of you have experienced something similar? Or have any of you have some ideas?

And another question; would it appropriate to give a small gift for the baby? I haven't given any T a ''goodbye'' gift (except for one, which was for the entire team. It was during grouptherapy and it was tradition to give the group and the team a small gift and a card). I gave this T a card when I quited therapy the first time (almost three years ago).

I never felt the ''need'' to give any T a gift and I don't think I would give this T a goodbye gift at the real end of therapy should I go back in therapy with her. I only give a card when I think the T has really helped me.

But I like to give a small gift for her having a baby. It would be a book for babies and it would cost below 10 euros.

As far as I know proffesionals like a therapist aren't allowed to accept gifts that cost more than a small amount of money. That's not that clear. What do they call a small amount of money? But a gift below the 10 euros should be alright.

I think this also counts for my T or the practise she works at.

I had a similar situation with my ex T before she went on maternity leave.

I ended up giving her a Christmas / New Year card because our last session was in December.

Your pie idea sounds nice.

Pie sounds like a fun idea! And I think a gift for the baby would be appropriate too. If I was having a last session with my T, and we could do whatever I wanted, I would just want to cuddle and talk about her the whole time. But that's just me. Maybe you guys could do something fun like make art together? Or other types of crafts.

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I think a small gift like a book would be fine, and a lovely thought from you. I have drawn my T a picture and will give it to her on our last session. As to what to do I am lost I am afraid. My T has said we ought to plan which session will be our last (dependent on me finding a new suitable T) because we ought to pay some attention to it. What does that even mean??? Looking forward to some suggestions to your question though because I in a similar situation that talking therapy won't really be what I am in there for come the last day because I will be working with someone else.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do Chummy. Hugs.

I brought a gift to my therapist , just after Christmas once and said , I know as a therapist you aren't supposed to accept gifts from clients , but .... and I offered him a small package of fudge made by the monks at the abbey I had visited . He said , "that's right , we cannot accept gifts ....the ethics of ..... he was offended , buy took the package and when our session was over made it clear that he was taking my gift to the community kitchen he shared with his colleagues .....

I wish I had a friend who was a therapist I could talk this over with . ...( is this about Freud and the **** phase ? )

Your idea to bring pie and a book for the baby sounds very thoughtful. I hope you have the closure you need for this phase of your therapy. All the best for your session.

Offended by a gift?! That sounds like this therapist has his own unresolved issues. Perhaps this was his policy, his ethical code's recommendation, or the policy of the agency he worked for, but that should have been mentioned earlier in the therapy, or at the very least, I don't see why not just thank the client and mention the ethical issue gracefully. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Was this recent? You can PM me if you still need to talk about it.

I think this sounds like a good opportunity for you to show your therapist that you are happy for her and that you actually hope she has a good five months with her new baby (even if you are sad to lose her for a little while). I think a small gift for the baby would be a very sweet gesture to demonstrate that. And maybe that will also show her that you really appreciate her as a therapist, but also as a person? And then maybe ask her some questions about her life, things you've always wanted to know but never had the courage to ask her about? I also think that if you want to bake something, you should do that.

I hope it goes well for you, and that you can make things work with the replacement therapist while she's away. I wouldn't worry about her not coming back, because she sounds like someone who cares about her job. She clearly cares about her clients.

I'm sorry you had such an unpleasant experience. This therapist doesn't sound very nice. What is the point of making your client feel bad for bringing a gift? I actually feel angry on your behalf. If it were me, I would have taken it back and then walked out the door. Not sure I would have returned, unless he apologised for his obnoxious behaviour.

My instinct would be not to give a gift for her child. I think a T needs to keep her home life separate from her professional life. To do the job she needs to be able to switch off. It feels intrusive to me to give her something that she would have in her home that relates to you. The pie idea sounds nice. I think if it was my last session, I would choose to have quite a quiet session, and try to share some of the emotion I was feeling and hope that she could help to comfort me.

I made my ex-T a blanket for her baby. She accepted it. I don't know if she used it or not, but at least she accepted it.

I think the pie and the book are sweet ideas. Idk if she'll accept the book, but you can try.

Hi Chummy. I think about my last session too (and I do not know when it will be). For me the last will be awkward. I assume she is not allowed to accept gifts.I am planning on asking my T to go for a walk with me. I am not sure why but to me this seems like a gift "to myself".

A drawing of a picture sounds nice.
I'm already in therapy with replacement T. First two sessions were with my T and replacement T and then I had two sessions with just replacement T and I had also sessions with T. Tomorrow I have a session with replacement T, so maybe I can ask her for some advice.
The last few weeks I already had the thought that it was useless to talk with T about upcoming stuff because she won't be there for support. But with replacement T... It's so hard, it really is starting over again. I hate it.

I think for your last session it's about saying goodbye in a way that feels good for you. For some it's enough to just say goodbye. Others might want to spend some more time to it.

If I have more ideas or now what I want, i'll share it here.

It sounds like he has some problems of his own. I'm not exactly sure what therapist should do with gifts. I have read some rules for T's in my country and I think that also is for my T.
I have read several things about uk or american T's. One has a strict no gift policy and another thinks that you should also look to what is in the clients best interest and if the client has other motives.

Being offended because a client is so kind to give you fudges as a goodbye thank you, that's just weird and rude. Sharing it with colleges is good but he should have also just said thank you.

I'm happy for her. I'm just not happy for me. And a bit jealous. And I so don't like her timing. The first few secondes after she told me I was like "you're pregnant? How long? Do you know what it's going to be? Another girl? How nice. Girls are the best! Blablabla.". But after I left the session, I only felt sad, scared, angry, abandoned. I've told her. I've even send her an angry and accusing email. But this all is because I think she's a good T. If I wouldn't and if I wouldn't like her, then I would have just changed to another T directly.
I hope I'll have the courage to ask about some interests of her.

So far the replacement T doesn't seem to be a bad T, but I've only had a few sessions with her.
I hope she comes back and she says she comes back and she is going to start a new study for some kind of T. But 5 months is a very long time and she will spend that with two cute baby girls, it is possible that she change her mind and will take some more time of work.
We will see.

And thank you.

That was nice of you.

As far as I know, T's are allowed to accept gifts that aren't expensive.
And I have no idea about baby gifts. I have googled a bit, but I couldn't find much about it. A few gave their T a gift when their T got a baby. But that is it. Some people think it's kind to give T a goodbye gift and others think giving your T a gift is unnecessary and not apropriate. It might depends on your culture, upbringing, your relationship with your T, the time you spend with your T. And also on what kind of person/T your T is.

I'm still a bit afraid she will reject the gift.

A walk sounds nice.
Everything other than our usual session will feel akward for me. At the start on this location, we had to walk from the one building to the other. Just that short walk felt so akward. I'm used to seeing her in a therapy setting and talking about therapy stuff. Outside of that I'm feeling insecure about how to behave and talk about.
But a walk with her... I've thought about that too. It could be nice, but she's pregnant and you never know what the weather is going to be here.

I am sorry that your t is going on maternity. It must be very hard to accept that. I find it hard to accept t has a family and is not a therapist 24/7 let alone have a baby.
I think it's important to do what you feel is right for you on your last session. I imagine your t was trying to keep the last session light as she can't support you if anything big comes up after Friday but it's your last session so please use it how you want to!
As for a present I would absolutely think it would be ok and it's a lovely thoughtful gesture for you to think of

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Today was my last session with T. It was nice, for a last session. We played a bordgame and talked a little bit during that.
She liked the pie and thought it was sweet of me.
A gave the gift at the end. She said "you're spoiling me" and that it's kind of me.
Then some last words from her. I got a bit emotional. Then goodbye. She said I'm just going to give you three kisses <3 (on the cheeks. In this country it's normal to greet or say goodbye to someone with three kisses. If you know that person well and if you want it. It difference per from person to person.) It felt nice. The gesture. It means a lot to me. To me it means that I'm not just a client, not just work, but that she does care a bit about me. I know this was just a one time thing and that's ok with me.
Now I won't see her for 5 long months.

So far I've been feeling kind of alright. I did had a moment of crying, but other than that I'm holding myself up. But I don't know how it will go for the upcoming months.

Well...you know where to find us.

Yes, this...We're here for you.

And it sounds like you had a good, warm last session with your T.

Agree with the others..... we're here for you.

It does sound like your session was a good, warm one and I am glad.

Thank you. This last session felt good. She's such a good person (even though I've complained about her several times on this forum).