What made you trust your T?

My use of the thank button:

I learned long ago, thanks to my therapist, that there are various reasons why people hit thanks when I got my panties in a bunch when I posted years ago regarding touch, It's not about me.

I agree with most of or all of what the poster says.
I disagree with the poster, but am glad they posted.
I disagree with the poster vehemently, but they have given me food for thought.
They were brave enough to put their thoughts in print.
A good argument whether I agree or disagree
Not able to write myself, and want to be a part of the thread.
A post is funny.
I no longer use the hug button.
ETC...

Time.


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He seemed trustworthy, and I was desperate. I took a risk, and it paid off. Since then he has repeatedly demonstrated that he cares. He says that he is honored by my trust, and I believe him.

Honestly, on the tapatalk app which some people like me use, there isn't a hug button. I hit "thanks" for many reasons like what you've listed.

Hmmm...I'm not sure how I would define "trust" for my T. What I DO know is that from the very first session, I felt really different than with any of my past T's. She got me really quickly. I don't remember what she said to me in that first session, but she got to the heart of the matter pretty easily.

From then on, I'd say these are the main qualifiers for me continuing to put my trust in her, but it isn't a 100% "I completely and utterly trust my T with anything I say" kind of thing...

1. She has consistently been the same, warm and kind of funny person every single week. I never have to guess at if maybe she's mad at me or something (which i did ALL the time with my last T)

2. Surprisngly for me, her allowing me to e-mail and call when I need it, has been HUGELY helpful. She almost always responds, and the times where I really am feeling badly, she always manages to say something that I take comfort in. I mean, I wrote her a VERY drunken email over the weekend. It wasn't like I was misspelling or anything, but I did tell her I had been drinking.
She still wrote an amazingly supportive email back, and when I responded and told her how drunk I was, she didn't seem to mind.

3. The few times that she's messed up with going over time with her previous client, she has been like "Oh, shyte, you must be SO pissed at me!! I am so sorry," and explained what happened. She tried to get me to talk to her about how hurt and angry I must have been once when I actually left and went home she was so late. I didn't, but it was nice to hear that I could.

4. She has been unwavering in the many, (many) times that I waver about me "needing" therapy. I am not really depressed (her: yes you are). I don't really have any major problems, I AM FINE. (her: no, i don't think you are). I sometimes get mad at her and say "Come on, i need you to collude with me!," and she'll jokingly tell me "Oh yes! Get out of here! You are totally fine. I never want to see you again." haha. But, she also has very seriously said that she thinks I truly need help--and for some, that may rub them the wrong way, but I am so stuck on "My life is going completely fine/I am so privileged/I have it so well/etc..." that I need to hear that.

And mainly, we seemed to click easily--or for me, anyway.

There was a session last year when an issue about how I felt about a private matter came up. He asked me, directly, if I was comfortable talking with him about it. I got home and wondered if there was a reason I shouldn't feel ok. Here's my response to the question about why I trusted him.

Why did/do I feel ok talking to M about "that"

I trust him. - Why?

- I don't feel judged.
- I don't feel like I have to earn his approval. That feels safe.
- There is a feeling of friendship.
- I feel like he has wisdom and knowledge to help me push through this.
- I don't feel a threat of an explosion if I said something the wrong way.
- I don't feel like he is trying to "get" anything from me. Working me or manipulating me.
- I feel like there is understanding or the desire to understand. He asks questions to understand without getting angry.

There is really no answer for me besides those statements. There is great thankfulness in my heart that God crossed our paths.

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What made me trust my t?
Primarily it was time.
Over time she:
was consistent
was dependable
was committed to my therapy
held me in unconditional positive regard
gave me extra time or sessions when they were truly needed

There were so many more things that all added up together made it possible for me to trust her.
But it was often very hard to feel or know that at first... I don't think it was until I had well and truly established trust through repeated ups and downs that I realised I had trust in her.

I had never trusted another human being before her.

Well, I have a huge problem with trust issues. But, if I can call the relationship trust, I would say the first is the fact that he gives me very thoughtful answers. He thinks about what I say and answers clearly. Not only that, he always answers my questions. He does not beat around the bush or refuse to answer, no matter what it is. Other than that, I have no idea. I guess I feel more comfortable with him.

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