T on Wednesday

Ok. . .I see my T on Wednesday. To jump on the other two threads about the d#$* couch, I am nervous. Talked with him earlier this morning. . .he said he will call back again later. We spoke about the couch. he asked, "Why did what she had to say set you off so badly?" an so I told him about how in the dream he was sitting behind me, but he could see EVERYTHING and I could see nothing. He told me, "I see anyway, the goal is for us to see it TOGETHER." Good point. But what does he mean he sees anyway? That creeped me out. So, he says that although he isn't particularly crazy about that kind of analysis, he really wants us to focus on it next session. I ask, "What does that mean?" and he says, "It's time to let me sit behind you." :::sucking in deep breaths :::: Ok, now I'm REALLY freaking. We have only recently begun to discuss honestly and with any depth some of the specific memories I've had, and now he wants me to LAY ON HIS COUCH WHILE HE SITS BEHIN ME AND PICKS MY BRAIN!!!

I'm not doing so hot right now.

(((((((((Gracey)))))))))

That would scare the heebeejeebies out of me!

Hope your appt goes well.

Trying not to melt down. He called while I had the kids at lunch. . .secretary says "Mr. T" will call back before 2."

Grrrr. . .like I'm going to feel any different than I do now?

(((((Gracey)))))
That would be realy scary. I'll be thinking of you, and hoping all goes well for you.
Trying

ewkjrlw6u85962jhkgsjkljsf<<<<<Thats me. . .banging my head on the keyboard. How come we don't have a smilie for that?

Talked to T yesterday afternoon as well. He keeps telling me, "Grace, I KNOW you. You don't have to worry that I'm going to reject you." Arrrrg

Am I sick for wishing that SOMETIMES there could be SOMETHING that I could say or do that would make him say, "You know what kid. . .you're whacked. I can't fix you. Go away." But noooooooooo

He called again this morning; "How're you doing? Still coming Wed, right?"

WHY WHY WHY

Things were JUST fine until the G D couch.

Say you're not ready and sit in the chair? If it's too hard yet, it's too hard. Maybe sit in the chair with your back toward him for "practice"? You can pretend you're 2 years old and playing "train" LOL

I've already been on the couch. . .the difference now is KNOWING why it's done that way, you know? And the deeper level of intimacy that comes from him sitting behind me.

Train?