[Gracey]

Oh Bah.

I'm having a @#*%#@ last few days. Pink got me thinking about this whole analysis thing, and last night I had a nasty anxiety inducing dream about being on the couch.

I am not to the therapy thing, you know? So. . .why is this throwing me for such a loop.

Come on pink. . .you're our resident junior T. . .help me out girl. I HATE this. I feel. .I don't know. . discombobulated? Detached? Just . . .off.

[SecretGarden]

It was a very intense experience she described. What do you think?

What happened on the couch in the dream?

What's been going on in your sessions lately?

Some stuff definitely got stirred up in ya, that's for sure. I'm just trying to get a sense of what's going on, need some more details.

I hope you're okay.

Hey, if it makes you feel any better I was the one actually on the couch and I've been %#@&#! ever since then.

tsk tsk such language

[Gracey]

What happened on the couch in the dream?
Mmmmm. . .it was really awkward. NOT seeing him really freaked me out. .. having him behind me, you know? And. . .I felt so out of control. It was like, HE was getting to see everything, but all I could see was what was going on inside my head. Does that make sense?

What's been going on in your sessions lately?
We have delved into some pretty severe memories; some stuff that was like, reliving it in a sense. Well. ..ONE that was like that. The others I've kind of fought down. I don't know how to explain it.

Any of that make sense?

I'm trying to take care of myself. . .I just feel so unplugged.

[Gracey]

Please hold me in good thoughts today. I am really struggling. My job requires me to work with kids, many of them abused as I was. I have been "triggering" all weekend. . .not looking forward to today honestly.

Thinking of calling T.. . .but what on earth would I say? "Oh, see, this girl was talking about the couch, and I was all brave and such, until someone pointed out how vulnerable the couch can make you and NOW I'm flipped out." Hmmm. . .don't see THAT going over too well.

graaaaaaaaahahhhhhhhhhhhhh

... or maybe it's a little of an opposite pull?

...could it be the couch also sounded intriguing and exciting at the same time? Maybe the discussion of the couch created a sudden broadening of your idea of what therapy is.

Exciting is so close to scary sometimes...

[Gracey]

does exciting equal anxiety?

I've laid on his couch before. . .I never saw it as threatening. But then, I didn't really "know" like I know now.

Hi Gracey. I've been thinking about it. I hope everything's okay for you. Can I help in any way?

It was scary on the couch, but it was so very safe at the same time. Knowing that T was behind me; that he wasn't going anywhere. His demeanor had changed a bit; his voice a little different... I liked that. I realize that it was a different dynamic, and I entered a whole different state... but he was there with me in the here-and-now the whole time. I did feel much more vulnerable when I was on the couch... but when I look back, I realize how beautiful it was that I trusted him so much that I was able to go through all that.