Am I a freak?

Ok. . .so I've been "chatting" some about the whole couch thing, reading other people's threads about their T's and transfernece and object constancy and the whole lot. And through it all, I'm wondering, am I just totally off the map here?

My T and I have a very open relationship. At one point, we were both in the same sunday school class, fellowshipped together as couples, and existed outside of his office quite nicely. I have seen him off and on for four years, and in the interims, have developed a nice friendship with his wife as well. When they purchased their new home, they invited us out to see it and be part of the 'home blessing.' When their daughter was born, we got an announcement and his wife made it a point to bring her to the office. We see one another out in town. . .we speak, making it a point sometimes to cut across the store to do it. We play tennis together occasionally. He hugs me, I've hugged him. He has taken my hands during session and brushd my hair out of my face when I tried to hide behind it.

Are we too close? Is this transference to the nth degree? WHAT is transference specifically? I don't really "wish for" the closeness that I have read about b/c I think I already have it, but it doesn't seem unnatural to me. But maybe I'm effed up, huh?

How does all of this play in my unnerving fear of the upcoming session? I don't think I've ever really been this fearful before, but I know if/when I walk in there and say, "I don't know if I can do this" he's going to reach out, take my hand and soothe those fears with reassurences and honesty that reaches his eyes. That's how you can tell, you know, whether people are being truthful. When he says, "You can trust me," I know that I really CAN.

I feel like such a freak.

awe, gracey! i'm glad you have such an awesome T.

i wish i could trust someone like that!

i dunno - i'm probably not the one to comment...but it seems whatever the transference thing is - you don't need it?

who cares whether you do the transference thing - if your happy with your T, isn't that what matters?

Good lord. . .62 views and ONE response.

it's official. . .LOL. . .I am definitely a FREAK.

You're not a freak! And if you are we all are. It sounds like you've found a T who meets your needs. For me, I wouldn't want to have that much outside interaction with my T. It's like some people say....it's easier to talk to a stranger. If I knew more about my T's religion, politics, social beliefs, etc then I might limit what I say and that wouldn't be good for my therapy. But, that's not true for everyone and if it works for you that's what matters.

Oh Gracey.. the reason I didn't respond right away is because I really wanted to think about what to write... I am very sensitive to other peoples' feelings, and would never want to say anything that might hurt you or trigger you... I say this because the way you described your relationship with your T is definitely different than what I am used to. So I wanted to do some thinking about what that particular relationship means to you, how it is affecting your therapy, etc. How do you think having a dual relationship (by this I mean relation in addition to just the therapeutic one-- i.e. playing tennis) affects your therapeutic relationship with him? Did you have a session today? Are you still dealing with the couch stuff?

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When he says, "You can trust me," I know that I really CAN.

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I think that is wonderful. My absolute trust in my T is one thing I value too.

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Are we too close? Is this transference to the nth degree?

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I think it is unusual to know your T outside of therapy, but if it has worked and is working for you, then it seems like it is fine. I am very close to my T and I consider myself to be strongly attached to him. I'm not sure I've ever been this strongly attached to anyone. I do not think strong attachment and transference are quite the same thing but often go hand in hand. Maybe you are just strongly attached. I am not sure I have experienced classic transference, where you transfer feelings/emotions related to your mom or dad onto your T. However, I do interact with T using behavior patterns I have developed over many years of interacting with other people, particularly including past lovers/mates, and probably affected at least a little by childhood influences. I am trying to grow out of dysfunctional behavior patterns by practicing healthy interactions with T. It is so great to be healthy with someone!

ETA: Gracey, I am a little envious of the handholding, but not sure it would work for me, as I am so attached to my T, I might overreact. But it still has appeal for me... Sometimes I just feel so close to my T that I would like some physical contact.

You are in no way a freak. I think if this level of interaction works for you then that is all that matters!

I certainly would be fine with what you wrote if it were me and my T.

Well. . .I have T today at 5pm. I am incredibly anxious about this and have thought multiple times about just canceling. It wouldn't matter though. . .he won't let me run or hide.

To answer PinkSoil's question, I think the dual relationship works well. I am not just a client, but a peer in this particular field (I'm a social woker, BS in sociology) so knowing him outside of the therapy session has been a good thing for both of us. It kind of "removes the office" somewhat for each of us even though we are not employed by the same company. Also, being a Christian, it has helped knowing him outside of therapy as well, b/c I get to see that he is truly what he appears to be IN therapy. . .a gentle, trustworthy man of faith.

As far as transferance. . . I haven't attached "mother/father" feelings to T. . .ugh. Is that what transferance is about? He is MY age for petes sake. But then, having never had a mother or father (not really) maybe I do and just don't realize it? LOL. . .oh lord. . .what a mess.