I had a really healing and reparative session with t today. After our last session was horrible and toxic. So first thing t mentioned was the text I sent after last weeks session. She said she didn't want to open anything up and as it was sent late that night she was tired and getting ready for bed. I said it had been good for me that she didn't retaliate or get defensive through text and that she had held her boundaries until our next session.
I expected her to retaliate and to terminate me, she asked if I had wanted to push her away. I said yes, I wanted an excuse to leave therapy and she said I wanted am excise for her to leave me. She had felt that but wasn't going to let that happen. She did say that was a projection of mine. I don't understand that.
She felt it was important to wait till session to address this. She wanted to know what had happened for me and was glad that I am starting to let my anger out. I told her I felt judged and shamed. She said she had thought about last weeks session a lot and said she sometimes gets frustrated and she has to learn to accept me where I am at and not to push me beyond my limits. She said about I can only bring clients as far as I have been is on a spiritual awareness level not about our experiences. I did understand it in that context. I was glad t was not defensive and could listen to where I was at and for her to share where she was at and to listen and hear each other was a new healing experience for me.
I was injured today and had bring a hot water bottle. T wrapped me up in her blanket and made me some tea. She was really kind today so it was hard to stay mad at her. She was really kind and just what I needed from her today.

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[Out There]

Mona , you and your T are a real pair sometimes!

Thank you out there! All I can say its a love hate relationship. We should just get married lol

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Originally Posted by Out There

Mona , you and your T are a real pair sometimes!

I second that! No words

[Bipolar Warrior]

I'm glad you had a good session. I really hope you'll have more sessions like that in the future. You don't deserve to be judged or shamed.

[1stepatatime]

Hi Mona
I'm so glad that you were able to tell your therapist how you felt , good for you! I swear sometimes I think they say things to purposefully upset us so we get used to hiccups in relationships! I'm glad that she was kind and nurturing to you today.. You deserve that 😊😊. I kind of feel like my therapist and have some kind of love/ not so much love kind of relationships as well! Anyways, I'm happy it went well for you 👍👍😊😊

Originally Posted by Bipolar Warrior

I'm glad you had a good session. I really hope you'll have more sessions like that in the future. You don't deserve to be judged or shamed.

Thank you bipolar warrior. I really don't think she means it as I hear it but it was it was and she heard my anger and disappointment and was able to contain it without retaliating or blaming which was a whole new experience for me.

Originally Posted by 1stepatatime

Hi Mona

I'm so glad that you were able to tell your therapist how you felt , good for you! I swear sometimes I think they say things to purposefully upset us so we get used to hiccups in relationships! I'm glad that she was kind and nurturing to you today.. You deserve that . I kind of feel like my therapist and have some kind of love/ not so much love kind of relationships as well! Anyways, I'm happy it went well for you

Thank you 1step, it's very confusing to have these love hate feelings. I don't know about you but they swing so wildly it's hard to adjust when they swing from one to the other, sometimes it's overwhelming. My t calls these polarities, I all them mood swings.


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Originally Posted by monalisasmile

My t calls these polarities, I all them mood swings.

I think both these terms suggest you are to blame for these love/hate feelings, whereas I think they are quite probably the result of inconsistent therapy, which is not your fault.
I don't want to take away any from your positive experience in therapy this week Mona, but it reminds me very much of the 'healing' sessions I would have with T1. His loving kindness was all the more powerful and potent because it could be taken away, and for me was just another twist on the unhealthy rollercoaster of therapy with him.
I really hope if you continue with this therapist, she can become more consistent in her treatment of you.

Originally Posted by Echos Myron

I think both these terms suggest you are to blame for these love/hate feelings, whereas I think they are quite probably the result of inconsistent therapy, which is not your fault.
I don't want to take away any from your positive experience in therapy this week Mona, but it reminds me very much of the 'healing' sessions I would have with T1. His loving kindness was all the more powerful and potent because it could be taken away, and for me was just another twist on the unhealthy rollercoaster of therapy with him.
I really hope if you continue with this therapist, she can become more consistent in her treatment of you.

Yes, there has been blame in the past but there was no blame at our last session. She really was open to hearing my anger and was quite honest and genuine in her responses. She admitted to getting frustrated because she wants me to move out of this impasse that I am stuck in. I told her I felt her frustration and sometimes it felt like blame to me. She said she was sorry and that was not her intention. She brought it to supervision and is more aware of our process together, she pushes and I shut down. I said I also felt that and it wasn't helpful to be pushed. She was genuinely sorry and hadn't realised she did this. I said I know it is never her intention to hurt me but that sometimes I get hurt. She asked for me to take a risk and to meet her at the contact boundary and to challenge her back. She likes our contact together and would like to engage with each other in the moment to challenge each other. There is enough support in our relationship up so this. We have been working together for 2.5 years and had many ruptures, we always get through them and I thin new will get through this because she didn't retaliate or get anyway defensive.
I am sorry you had a similar experience with ex t but I feel that this is different Echos

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I really hope she has genuinely heard you, because you deserve a quality therapist who will not hurt you

Me too Echos, I felt it was genuine but only time will tell!

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[Favorite Jeans]

Sounds like the therapy equivalent of make up sex.

[Argonautomobile]

Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans

Sounds like the therapy equivalent of make up sex.

Jajajaja. A comparison I've made (privately) concerning my own therapy. I find it hard not to feel like one half of a quarreling couple when I hear myself say **** like "I'm sorry I snapped at you."

Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans

Sounds like the therapy equivalent of make up sex.

Thankfully without the sex lol! Sometimes we are like a married couple with all of fighting and making up. I could not marry t because she would drive me insane after a day.

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Besides my t has cankles

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[Out There]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

Besides my t has cankles

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I had to look that up - you learn something new every day

Originally Posted by Out There

I had to look that up - you learn something new every day

Glad to be of service I think this could be useful when people have erotic transference for their therapist as a deterrent . It works for me anyway.

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[unaluna]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

Glad to be of service I think this could be useful when people have erotic transference for their therapist as a deterrent . It works for me anyway.

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My t has VERY skinny legs. If only i could transplant some of my calf muscle to him!

Originally Posted by unaluna

My t has VERY skinny legs. If only i could transplant some of my calf muscle to him!

I am sure there is surgery for that

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[1stepatatime]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

Besides my t has cankles

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Lololol... Why did I not picture your therapist with cankles?? Lolol😅😅😅😅😅

[Bipolar Warrior]

In Norwegian we call that "LRS" which is an acronym for "Låra rett i skoa", which translates to "thighs straight into shoes". I constantly find myself wondering who the hell came up with that.

[Favorite Jeans]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

Besides my t has cankles

And in one fell swoop all the intense erotic transference I'd harboured toward Mona's therapist has entirely vanished. Gone.