[LesFleursDuMal]

Hi everyone

I feel extremely ashamed and sick just asking you this, but I'd like to have your opinion on something before I bring it up with T next week. This is something huge for me and I'm really scared of his reaction...
Now what if your mother saw you masturbating yourself when you were 4 or 5 and told you to stop doing it and tell her when you want to do it instead and then she decided to apply cream on your vagina before you go to sleep, maybe thinking that it would make you not touch yourself ? I can't help but feel sick whenever I think about it and it just pops in my mind. I want to talk about it with t but I'm so ashamed and maybe this is nothing, maybe your mother is allowed to touch you this way and I'm the one who's sick and disturbed for seeing something wrong in this...

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[Ididitmyway]

I am of an opinion that if you don't allow yourself to talk about anything in therapy then therapy is just a waste of time and money. There are no shameful subjects in therapy. Anything that bothers you should be discussed with the therapist if the purpose of therapy is to be fulfilled.

Most certainly, there is nothing shameful about masturbation, especially in the early childhood years when one of the most natural things to do for children is to get to know their bodies. Unfortunately, our puritanical culture shames children for their most natural expressions, which scars them for life.

[Argonautomobile]

I think you're brave for sharing this here and that it would be a good idea to tell your therapist. I don't think you have anything to be ashamed of.

Originally Posted by Argonautomobile

I think you're brave for sharing this here and that it would be a good idea to tell your therapist. I don't think you have anything to be ashamed of.

Yes, very brave indeed. Have you journalled? Maybe it could be easier if you wrote your feelings down and read them to your T?

[Roaming_bird]

What I've done sometimes is write it out in my journal and then read it, sometimes very very quickly

I don't think I've ever completely regretted opening up about things in therapy, at least not after a time.

I've also been known to open up with, "I don't know if this is something I should talk about. I'm worried about how you will react." I find that it's helpful to talk about my fears of my t's reaction. It helps put things in perspective.

I know t's have heard it all, and I remind myself that this is their job, and I may feel embarrassed but they probably won't.

I hope you do bring it up, or at least bring up your conflict of bringing it up.

[LesFleursDuMal]

Thank you all for your answers. I agree I need to stop worrying that much and just say what I need to say, no matter what.
I actually followed your advices and wrote down exactly what I wanted to say. I'll start by telling him how I feel about opening about this. So thank you all for those advices. Wish me luck

When is your next appointment?
May your T react well with gentleness and compassion.

[LesFleursDuMal]

It'll be on monday Thank you for your support

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[Argonautomobile]

Good luck!

[BayBrony]

I shared a similar thing with T except mine was about my mom's obsession with washing my genitals at that age and how I was always uncomfortable. Telling her took a lot of the shame away. I was scared to tell her but glad after I did it

[LesFleursDuMal]

Originally Posted by BayBrony

I shared a similar thing with T except mine was about my mom's obsession with washing my genitals at that age and how I was always uncomfortable. Telling her took a lot of the shame away. I was scared to tell her but glad after I did it

Thank you for sharing this with me. May I ask what was your T's reaction? Did she take it serisouly?

[TrailRunner14]

I also shared something that was along those lines too. I was very nervous about telling my counselor.

I wrote it in my journal and the. I wrote it on a card and put it Ina envelope. When I met with him, I let him know that there was something on the card in the envelope that I was very afraid and ashamed to talk to him about. I asked him if he would read it silently. He did and then we talked about it.

I don't know if there is empowerment in speaking the words out loud from me or not, but that works well for me. If there is freedom in me speaking it out maybe I'll get there.

I've shared several things with him that way. After we talk about it, I leave the card with him in a "safe box" he has in his office. If it comes up again in my mind between my appointment times, I remind myself that I left it in a safe place there.

Hope it goes well for you! I'll be thinking of you on Monday.

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[BayBrony]

Originally Posted by LesFleursDuMal

Thank you for sharing this with me. May I ask what was your T's reaction? Did she take it serisouly?

She took it VERY seriously. But she also didn't push me to talk about it. For me its part of a pattern that extended through my whole childhood of my mom violating my bodily boundaries so we discussed it as part of that. Also I had obvious genital irritation and my mom lied to my dad and told him I went to the doctor and he said I was allergic to bubble bath stuff. I tried to.tell my dad but he ignored me. So we talked about how my mom obviously knew the things she did were wrong and took pains to.hide them and how my dad at first emotionally and then physically abandoned me and left me with my abusive mom.

It was a useful discussion and took away a lot of the shame I felt about it

[LesFleursDuMal]

Originally Posted by BayBrony

She took it VERY seriously. But she also didn't push me to talk about it. For me its part of a pattern that extended through my whole childhood of my mom violating my bodily boundaries so we discussed it as part of that. Also I had obvious genital irritation and my mom lied to my dad and told him I went to the doctor and he said I was allergic to bubble bath stuff. I tried to.tell my dad but he ignored me. So we talked about how my mom obviously knew the things she did were wrong and took pains to.hide them and how my dad at first emotionally and then physically abandoned me and left me with my abusive mom.

It was a useful discussion and took away a lot of the shame I felt about it

Thank you for this. I'm sorry fot what you went through I hope talking about it will also take my shame away.

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