The Couch - CXII : The Tao of Couchies

Forgive me for sounding stupid. But, if you are looking for guidance and help in what you are trying to work through, how does that make you in charge?? I truly mean no disrespect, I just don't understand.

There is no anger when I meet with him. There is a feeling of safety. Please forgive me again. I don't understand.

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I don't rightly know. My t says that I am in charge of my process. Maybe she just means because it is my process, I own it or something, or maybe she means that the pace is mine. I don't know for sure.

wait.

hold the phone.

maybe she means that I NEED to own it?!

Darn, I was hoping that would evoke the rarely-seen quadruple Ack.

Back to the drawing board!

Oh YAY! Just saw the email that my drumming group is hosting an earthing in Sabino Canyon later this month!! So excited. The last time I went to one it was so beautiful and peaceful.

I've yet to earn a double Ack. There's always tomorrow....

He does let me set the pace. Rather, maybe my journal sets the pace. We talk and sort out what has come to me that I've seen or realized and we work through that. I usually come home and recap our session before I forget it and the week works from there.

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You hire.
You fire.
You decided to go in the first place.
You set the goals.
You determine how to meet those goals - what guidance and help to accept and what to do with the guidance and help accepted.
You determine when the goals have been met.

I don't see how the client is not in charge.

My thing is here lately with t, I've been acting rather impossible and I know it, I just can't seem to stop myself. I realized today (and I wrote this in the paperwork I'm giving her tomorrow) that when I was on that 3 week break last month, I did a lot of thinking about endings, and I think I activated my inner 15 year old again, and she's been the one acting out like this t relationship doesn't mean anything because she's protecting herself from being hurt at the thought of being abandoned again (like when my grandma died). But it DOES mean a lot to me. And I'm afraid that 15 might have pushed her away one time too many.

This is what happens when I think I am in charge of anything, because I don't take responsibility. Or something.

Yes. I understand what you are saying.

But, if I haven't done so well on my own and I'm realizing at this point in my life what is going on, and it's blowing my mind. To me, just to me, I don't think I can really be in charge. It's a work in progress and I'm learning many things. They will come!

Enjoying this conversation but my eyes don't want to stay open, was up at 4am today and ready to go find my pillow. I will do my best to remember my phone tomorrow, so I can catch up at lunchtime! (forgot it today)

Sleep sound!! Have an awesome day tomorrow!!

It's not about anger, just about owning my own self. I asked for help, I continue to allow him to help me. It's my trust to give, so therefore I am in charge.

I think believing you are in charge is the first step towards being in charge.

I'm hearing this! COMPLIANCE is the one that is in the forefront and it is sounding so foreign and uncomfortable. Trying to understand. I'm not pushing. I'm inviting an understanding. If that makes sense. Thank you!

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Morning, couchinistas. I hate being unwell in term time - I've been ill since Friday or so, and while I don't have to worry about sickdays and things like that, I do have to do my job, especially right now because it is such a hectic time... I rescheduled a couple of tutorials from Monday to today but what with tomorrow being a holiday I can't reschedule again. My boss would have told me to simply cancel them but that would not feel good either. Anyway, it's just a few hours.

Sadly, these two concepts often coexist. If you see what I mean. And for myself, I often disrespect my own point of view (which is proof that it has no value - my T finds that hard to accept but I think it is entirely logical.)

That's just how you were feeling. You don't need an excuse.

Jennifer Nelson: Donna, may I borrow a dime please? I have to call my dog.
The Glass Bottom Boat.

Is that the Doris Day movie where she gets mistaken for a spy?

I hate being sick at work. Desk job in IT

I've been feeling lousy. My therapy "homework" of "Self care every day, every hour" is sometimes the only thing keeping me from SH.

Especially when this particular !@#$ condescending !@#$ of a colleague snarks at me.

On the plus side, I posted a before and after photo of the effect of 1 yesr hormonal birth control on my ugly cystic acne. I got about 6 likes on Facebook, which is a lot to me. I only have 20 people added.

I'm learning that no one cares about my emo healing from child abuse !@#$ on facebook and I should shut up about it. I thought the folks I met from support groups would be okay but I'm expecting too much. Need to clear up all my emo posts there though I've stuck to mundane positive !@#$ this year.

I should keep my stupid vents - minor or major - on FB to myself.

Exactly so.

I am not going to pretend I know what I am talking about, but I think I might understand now what they mean. You are the one who knows yourself the best. When you are ready to talk about something, feel something, do something. They are there to help us along and listen when we need it and know it is time to do those hard things, but we are the ones guiding those things. If it gets to be too much, we stop. The therapist cannot be in our minds. And , yes, as one person said before me, we do have the power to terminate things. But we are the ones feeling things. They can't help if we don't say what is going on or how we feel. So, our treatment and what goes on is on us. Am I getting this, guys?

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I just skipped to the end.
Don't have energy to focus and catch up.
Saying hi, and checking in.

Glad you checked in, EM. I hope your day will be better.

(((Ellahmae)))

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