The final session

So next week is my final session with my T before she closes her practice. I am very nervous about it and worried about crying and saying goodbye. I was wondering what other people did for there final session? How do you say goodbye? T and I are keeping in touch but its still a goodbye to this chapter. I also am writing a letter and giving a gift. I want to know how other people handled this and any suggestions people have as I am really struggling.

I am curious as well since my last session will also he next week. There will be no gift giving on my part, but I am contemplating writing a note to him. I don't know if I will cry during the session, but I am quite concerned about breaking down once I step away. Since I don't have a car that would be rather embarrassing.

I do wish you luck and hope it is a good closing for you.

I think its important to write a letter or note. Then you can say what you need to and not have any regrets. I wish you luck as well and I hope you have a good ending.

I'm in the same boat as you, my last session is next week. I'm not considering a note or gift or anything (that's just me though, I think it's cool that you're doing that) but I wish there were some way to stay in touch with her. I've never emailed or called her before, I don't have any way to contact her. Ideally I would be her friend on facebook but I'm afraid to ask and get rejected so I probably just won't.
hang in there, I know it hurts to lose a T.

Cinnamon, Just sending you hugs and support! Your idea to give her the letter and gift is wonderful, let us know how it goes! I did the same thing, and I agree with you that a letter helps you say things so you won't have regrets. Even if you cry your T will understand! I cried in my heart but not outside, saved the crying for after. Take care...sending you lots of warm thoughts!

Hi cinnamon, I just wanted to offer some support and I think a gift is a great idea for both you and t as a closure. It's lovely that you are staying in touch with t, do you have a new t or any referrals, maybe it's too soon to even think of that yet

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I am sorry you and so many others are going through this. It really does hurt. I hope you can ask your T if you can stay in touch. Its better to ask then to have regrets and always wonder. Hang in there as well and I hope you have a good ending.

Thank you so much for your support! It means a lot!

Thank you for the support! It means so much for people to offer that. I started online therapy over a month ago. I can't do the in person thing again.

Is there anyone who had a good last session? What did you do during it? How did you say goodbye?

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I'm spite of everything I had a good last session with T1, which was very helpful to me at the time. If you want to read it, I wrote a thread right after it: http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...ession-t1.html but to be honest I don't want to think too much about it, because it's still quite painful to contemplate. Especially because I feel very differently towards him now, actually kind of resentful, and I feel like a different person from the one who wrote that post.
My reasons for termination were very different to yours, and sure your experience will be very different from mine in many ways, I do wish you the very best in making it positive and a comforting memory you can always return to.

I had a good farewell with my first therapist. We shared our perspectives on various points on our relationship and spoke of my plans for the future. It was a good ending and I was able to walk away without tears.

I hope you will not find things too difficult- I am sorry you are going through this.

My last session is May 13, is your last session before or after that? I can try to recap how it goes for you if you'd like

Ithink your ideas are great. It's pretty much what I have done in the past.
I've had a lot of student t's, so there have been a lot of endings. Some were good, some not so good. Most involved a recap of our work together, each of us saying something to the other, sometimes a gift, then a goodbye. A few I regretted not saying what I had meant to, but one I was able to contact again before she left the clinic and I gave her a letter.

At my last goodbye my therapist and I sort of wrote a plan for any new therapist I might have, things that I need to work on and then we hugged goodbye and then I gave her the card and gift I got her. i didn't watch her open it because I was afraid she wouldn't like it. I don't suggest you do that because I was wondering if she liked it and end up calling her to find out. Expect to feel emotional and sad. I was extremely sad. It is hard for me saying goodbye. Try to leave nothing unsaid.

I will be thinking of you when you have your last appointment. I know how hard it is leaving a long-term T relationship.

Did you terminate with him or the other way around? How/why do you feel differently about it now? Only if you want to share.

That is my last session as well. I wish you luck and I hope you have a positive session and a good ending. I hope you are coping with it ok. Its a very tough situation and I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone.

I had a very good last session. Don't have the time to tell about it now, will do tomorrow.

I terminated with him. I left him because I felt like I was finding the relationship too painful, though at the time I blamed myself, and felt nothing but love for him. Over time I have started to realise his boundaries and arrogance were the cause of a lot of the harm that occurred in therapy with him. And I resent him a bit for that. It makes it hard to read the thread I linked to because I wasn't as kind to myself then, and I didn't see how he hurt me.
Of course your situation is very different so I hope I didn't steer too far OT.

Thank you for your response. I was curious about other kinds of terminations. That must have been incredibly difficult. I don't know if I would have been able to make this choice on my own. I have found my relationship with my T painful as I have strong attachment and maternal transference. She is also a wonderful T and I love her. I just thought I would have more time with her. This came out of the blue and I wish it wasn't happening.

I saw the same T for about 25 years!! However, I paid out of pocket and only saw her once a month. She retired almost 2 years ago and I got her a gift card to a really nice restaurant near her and put it in a nice card and wrote how much I appreciated all of her help over the years. She let me take a picture of her, gave me a hug (the first one ever) and gave me her email address in case I ever remarry, she wants me to email her! We were never that close, so saying goodbye wasn't very tragic for me.

Good luck!

I wish the same to you. Though we are both in a lot of pain and I imagine will both miss our T's terribly, at least we will have fond memories to look back on and grow from. All the best xx

So sorry you’re going to have to say goodbye to your therapist. I know it’s very hard.

I was the one that ended the therapy. I was feeling ready for it, I had grown so much stronger and felt I could handle life on my own. It wasn’t until after I mentioned wanting to end therapy to T, that I realized how much I was attached to him and how much I would miss him. I was shocked and overwhelmed. The sessions before the last one I could feel my heart break every time I left the room. That was already so hard. My T saw me struggle and was very sweet and caring. In earlier sessions we talked about how to spend the last one and we decided to recap our work together. We were both going to write it down and read it to each other. I had also bought a little gift for him.

So there it was, the final session… T welcomed me with a big smile and gave the usual handshake. We started with reading our stories to each other. It’s one of my favorite moments. My T was very moved by my story, he just looked at me with tears in his eyes. I had never seen him emotional before so that was very special. He had written beautiful things about me too, they were so good to hear. I gave him my gift and he liked that. After that, we talked a bit about the future and some other things. I don’t remember what about. I was very aware that these were our last moments together and I slowly slipped away into another level or state of mind or something, where I was just soaking up these moments and his presence. It was so intense. When it was time to say goodbye, I didn't want to leave with the usual handshake. That didn't feel appropriate. I wanted to hug him, but I didn't know how he would respond to my request. Luckily, he was very open to it. It was a good long hug and it felt so right. Then he pulled me in even closer and I don’t think I’ve ever felt so much love before. Best. Hug. Ever.

Good luck Friday, I hope you’ll have a beautiful final session as well. I believe a good ending will help you cope with your loss. I really think mine did.

Just expect to grieve. It is a big loss, even though there will be contact, it won't be therapy.

A lot of people try to avoid grieving, but it's important to go through it. Tears, fond memories, love, hate, everything that was part of your relationship.

I found, for me, it took about 3 months to settle down after termination. There will be good days and bad days.

Just be patient with yourself, eventually there will be days when you don't even think about your therapist.

be gentle on yourself and alow all of the feelings cinnamon. This is a huge loss and we are here is you are having a bad day and the grief is too much

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