Intro and strong transference

Right, certainly the T might be able to help the client understand the underlying psychology. But presumably one could figure out much of this from books and self-reflection, and not sure how that leads to change or reduced suffering.

Therapy is good at exposing this stuff and at rationalizing having done so, but it's unclear what's supposed to happen next. Much of what is said seems to imply that once exposed, the job's as good as done. Then it's just about "working through". But nobody ever seems to define that. Also (along the lines of Occam's razor) I do think it's a bit silly that many Ts fail to look first at the most obvious potential cause of the client's feelings, namely therapy itself, and instead focus on complex and speculative theories about projection and so on.

Best I can guess is that the mechanism of healing is the relationship but that's rather vague and risky too, as a person's emotional well-being is now hinging on a contrived relationship with a paid consultant.

Sitting in a room with my last T and having her hang on every word brought out ferocious longings. She was quite skilled at provoking and seducing. But after that, she was utterly lost and eventually just made a run for it.

Are you experiencing transference or have you become attached to your T? Do you understand the difference? I ask because the two aren't the same thing. Transference plays a big part in one's attachment, but they are worked out in therapy differently...Just curious what your thoughts are.

I think both. I have a lot of father hunger, as per my story in the first post in this thread...my dad almost never contacted me growing up. I have a lot of anger over that and it really bubbles to the surface when I receive short, dismissive emails from T, or none at all. I feel like he is blowing me off, I feel abandoned, uncared for etc. This is transference. But it also lends to me feeling very attached to him. I cannot miss a week of seeing him. It makes me upset. I also feel some ET for him which makes me uncomfortable and I'd be happy if that part goes away. Yesterday morning I woke up having dreamed of T on top of me. he does dream interpretation and I certainly will *not* be sharing that one.

Is it? Sounds like he is blowing you off.

Well for me it went like this
Four years ago enter therapy with marriage coming apart, severe eating disorder, chronic suicidal thoughts, all stemming from chronic childhood abuse and neglect.

Spend the first year rather superficially discussing things and not feeling attached

Start to get attached. Slowly delve into more serious past issues and start revealing depth of current issues. Am terrified of being attached to my T but attachment has taken on a life of its own. It is intense and painful. I need to constantly be reassured that my T is there. Fortunately my T is generous with out of session contact. The relationship issues seem more important than my other issues I started therapy for and I struggle with the process. My T encourages me to talk about it, reach out when I need to, etc. T gives me a transitional object and we start rituals for before she leaves for vacation etc but setimes her absence is like a knife . I.persist in believing she can not really love me.

Year 3. Attachment still very painful but I begin to.understand that *I* the one emanating the "can't be loved" thing. My T and other people In my life show me love all the time but I didn't receive it because I did not bieve I was loveable..T tells me and shows me I am.loved approximately a million times. I start to believe it. I begin to hear what people actually say instead of seeing everything through the filter of my abusive past. My marriage improves. My wife and I are communicating better and she feels more appreciated because I am.learning to acknowledge the love she shows me. I feel.more confident. I start making new friends for the first time in years. I begin to.explore my spirituality. I take up.yoga . I start learning to treat my body with kindness and begin to.take better care of it. The attachment.is still painful at times but I begin to.learn.the pain is really about grieving my childhood and working through the stories my childhood left me with
The relationship in itself is nourishing . the negative stories (no one loves me. No one wants me around
Everyone would be happier without me etc) from my past are what make it painful . I learn to start putting those stories aside and receive what the world is giving me.

We are now in year 4
My marriage is thriving. I have new friends and a new spiritual life. My eating disorder still is here but I am.much more accepting of my body and I haveess eating disordered behaviors than I have in years. Sometimes my attachment is still painful but more often it is the safe, warm, core of love inside me that I never had before. The voice of my very abusive mother which has dominated my thinking my whole life is largely replaced by my t's voice telling me I am beautiful and loved and worth protecting. That's becoming my own voice too
I sometimes have anxiety about our relationship still buy jkw more often than not I can clearly tell myself "this us old stuff from my past. My T is not like that" my emotions rarely spiral out of control anymore. I can calm myself, see how I.am reacting out of the stories my past taught me instead of the reality of my.life and relationships now.
I have finally learned to stop.reacting to.the world like I am constantly in danger. I had a large work crisis recently and never had one thought of suicide.

So it's been a ton of work but its certainly turning out for me..my T is admittedly amazing. She is a fount of unconditional love.