Feels like my T always expects more from me - how does a T evaluate clients progress?

I´ve been in therapy with my new T for about 4 months. It´s a psychodynamic therapy and we work both on the present and the past. This T is quite focused on talking about childhood and even if she knows I haven´t experienced any specific traumas it feels like she wants to dwell on the past.

I want this kind of therapy but it feels like she tries to find explanations that aren´t there and that makes me feel that she always expects more of me than I can give her. I don´t have a a lot of childhood "stories" to tell and by that it feels like we talk about similar things session after session.

I just assume things take time but as we are about to evaluate therapy in the upcoming sessions I just get the feeling, perhaps it´s wrong, that she feels I don´t open up enough. I´ve already earlier on told her I was hesitant about continuing but that was because other things and now isn´t the time to bring another opinion.

I mostly wonder how a T evaluates progress, what is progress in therapy for example?

I´m a bit scared this therapy will end as well as this T is within public health care and I suspect she wants faster progress as time and resources are limited.

Hi SS, if she does psychodynamic maybe she is trying to fit you in that hole? Maybe she isn't a good fit for you? Have you talked to her about this?

Hi Sannah. I´ve chosen psychodynamic therapy myself and don´t want for example CBT but all therapists are different and at this moment I don´t know if she´ll continue talking mainly about childhood or if she will talk more about todays problems. I haven´t talked about this specifically as I know this is her technique and probably there isn´t much to do about it.

I can talk about my childhood of course but in this case I feel she expects more intersting stories or revelations than there actually are and I don´t know how to interpret that.

Does she ever ask what your goals in therapy are?

Sent from my XT1565 using Tapatalk

Together with my psychotherapist we decided on an agenda each session. Before moving onto these we touched on anything that we might have left uncovered from the last. As such I would say our work was 'measurable'. We discussed together when our last session would be.

Why not ask her this question? You might find that just the discussion about why you think she thinks your stories aren't interesting enough could bring some interesting insights.

The fact that you don't have childhood stories is an interesting fact all in itself. I remember very little of my childhood and youth which I believe is subconscious and partially deliberate ( i had a good childhood but certain dysfunctions in my life caused by some of my upbringing), my brother who is the same age remembers every little thing. It's an interesting thing.. I erased a lot of my memories prior to mid 30s. I was recently talking to my exhusband about something that he remembered well and I had no recollection, none, zero

So do you think she is getting on to something why you don't remember things?.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Yes, perhaps I could ask her that but I feel I can´t bring anything negative just about now as we are to evaluate therapy in the upcoming weeks.

I have some memories but nothing which could be called a trauma and therefore I feel she just dwells on things. I don´t feel supported by sitting there talking and trying to remember things I don´t remember. It would have been another thing if I knew there were traumas and that I needed specifically to talk about those but now, why should I mention tiny details like if I had a best friend or not. Pointless.

I can´t tell her this either because she would take it as critizism and as me wanting to end therapy. If I told her it feels pointless for example. I don´t have the opportunity to switch for another T and I also begin to think that I´m impossible to help, regardless of which T I see.

Why do you see that as negative? It isn't a criticism of her. It's simply an inquiry.

I see that as negative as everything that has to do with the therapeutic relationship is a delicate matter in my relation to my T and it isn´t possible to air such things.

Sorry to hear you are still struggling with this T. Maybe the evaluation is a perfect time to bring this up as it is evaluation in a way.

Why do you find asking your therapist a question that is really more about you than anything impossible? Why do you assume she'll take it as a criticism? All you are asking is whether she finds your history uninteresting and/or if she feels there is more to your history than might need to be explored and what that might be. It isn't like you are telling her she is doing anything wrong, and even if it were, that really isn't unusual for a therapist to hear. You are simply telling her how you are perceiving what she is asking and how she is interpreting things, and you are wondering if your take on that is correct or if perhaps she can clarify what you all have been discussing in session. That sounds like pretty normal therapy conversation.

I can see why this could appear impossible to Sarahsweden and can also understand how to some this would appear such an easy and normal thing to do. It is tough sometimes. I went in today with 5 words to say and I promised myself I wouldn't say anything else until these were out. I couldn't say them but managed to write the first 3 down after about 20 minutes or so I think and then we worked with that. The last two will hopefully come tomorrow. If you really want to say what you have to say maybe making that promise to yourself could work?

It's possible that if you don't speak up and say what you are feeling is wrong in the therapeutic relationship that your T will believe that there is nothing wrong (and also not understanding that it is negative for you in some ways) and therefore you have made more progress than you really have. Sort of like when you go to the doctor and don't speak up about how you have this pain or that pain that he or she can't help you resolve it.

You could tell her that you are afraid to talk about the therapeutic relationship because of what happened with your previous T and start the conversation that way. You don't have to say that you're afraid to say something negative and you don't even have to say what's negative.

In the past it seems like you respond to any suggestion to speak up with one reason after another for why it's impossible for you to do so. This is something you can work on in therapy and I suspect it may help you with other relationships in your life (if you need help with them). Fear is a problem for almost everyone but you can take small steps towards moving forward even if you feel afraid. There is some famous buddhist phrase that goes, "feel the fear and do it anyway." I've not found much wrong with that approach.

I think you and your t should talk about your goals in therapy and what they are together! For instance, why did you specifically choose psychodynamic psychotherapy? Did you have any idea of the way it is practised and that it is mostly about the past and how it affects your present! I wonder does your t only practise this type of therapy because if she doesn't do anything else this could be a problem.
I had a tutor in college who was a psychodynamic therapist and she always tried to blame my parents for everything and to find problems where there wasn't any. Everything had another meaning with her.
It sounds funny now but I remember her and one of my fellow trainees arguing about whether she had a secure attachment and in the end the girl just said fine, I have a bloody insecure attachment, are you happy now?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

As we´re about to have an evaluation of therapy and I´ve already told her I was unsure I wanted to proceed, that´s why there´s an upcoming evaluation I don´t feel there´s any space for me to bring this direct questions to her. She won´t just answer and continue therapy, she´ll take is as critizism.

I´ve already had a whole session where I spoke about our relationship, what bothered me and that I wanted some changes. She adapted but at the same time she thought we should have an evaluation of therapy which is about to happen in the next two sessions. A talk about whether we should continue therapy or not.

I don´t think most T:s welcome clients opinions, I might as well be terminated after the evaluation.

We have stated goals in the beginning of therapy, I brought a whole page with me with my goals and she put them in my journal and we discussed them all. But that of course doesn´t mean she thinks she can help me with all of them, no T does before having spent several sessions with a client.

I know a lot about both CBT and psychodynamic therapy and I´ve also tried some sessions of CBT but that direct approach didn´t fit me. I need more of a unstructured talk as within psychodynamic therapy and I don´t feel it´s the kind of therapy that´s wrong. I´ve also been in a psychodynamic therapy before and I really liked it and felt stronger when seeing that T.

Yes, this current T only practises psychodynamic therapy, she doesn´t work integrative. Perhaps it´s me having believed too much in therapy and that I´ll just have to accept living a pointless life.

I hope she doesn't terminate you as well.

I think my ts measure progress in two ways. First, are things getting better IRL? For me the answer was no for a lot of years, but none mentioned terminating me. But now that I am actually making progress there they are all happy. Second, I think my ts have measured,progress by whether I am trusting them more. That also has been very slow in coming.

How are you doing on the goals that you set? I think that would be a good measure of your progress

She isn't worth much of her job if she allows her feelings/criticisms to affect her ability to do it. Why does it matter so much to have her approval?

Psycodynamic therapy isn't all about childhood stuff. It's about free association, saying whatever goes through your mind at the moment. It's talking about dreams and trying to understand what is going on with the unconscious. That put together helps me dig deep, and not into the past always.