Couch 114 - Take a Pew

I tried The Girl Who but couldn't do it.

There are large plot holes, they're not that well written, and the material can be triggering.

I gave up on them where there is a scene that is JUST about assembling IKEA furniture. It had no relevance at all.

No, I don't think she would be deliberately offensive.

I have never even tried to read them, nor have I watched any of the movies.

A couple of scenes in the English-language remake of the films were shot in the street outside my T's office. Which is the one of the main streets of my home town and the one I walk to work every day so it's not all that special, but still.

Edit: Isn't it The Girl With... actually? (the Swedish titles are entirely different - the first one's called Men who Hate Women, so there's an incitement not to read it right there...)

Some good news yesterday, by the way: T is working until Midsummer, which this year falls on 24-25 June; he has started his holiday a week or two earlier in previous years, and although he didn't mention when in August he'll start working again it's unlikely he'll take more than 8 weeks off. Last year it was 10, and the year before that 9, if I remember correctly.

Good that it won't be quite as long. Do you go on vacation at that time too?

Its always such a strain these long gaps. Are you getting better at navigating them?
So far this year my T hasn't taken any holidays. I hope this doesn't mean a long one later.

Note the winkyface in my post...nor did I say it was offensive.

I'm only going away for a few days, with my choir to Germany, but the university will be more or less closed from mid-June to mid-August so I will probably not spend a lot of time at the office. I have statutory vacation days but I don't tend to think of the summer as being vacation and not, since my working conditions are incredibly liberal and as long as I do what I'm supposed to, nobody cares whether I am in the office or not. H's holiday is short and early this year, so I'll have most of July and August, until I start working with students again, mostly to myself. I have research and admin stuff to do as always, but I also have a lot of compensation time to take out because I've been working overtime throughout the semester.

Er. That was longer than you bargained for...

I hope so, too, and I hope he gives you plenty of notice.

I think I probably am getting better at it, but today is a good day when life feels rather manageable on the whole, and I know that won't be the case all the time... I try to have a strategy where every week there is something different, either work related or other. That helps. But I anticipate some separation anxiety.

Good morning couch! I missed like eight pages of conversation yesterday. What did I miss?

I saw my T yesterday and we talked about hugging again. I still don't understand why she won't hug me. I was starting to tear up about it because I want it so bad. I also was disappointed that she didn't remember it was my birthday. I didn't say anything, but I wish she had remembered.

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Sorry to hear that, ILC. I know our situations and feelings about this are very different, but I once had a session (with my previous T) on my birthday, and I mentioned in a subclause that it was my birthday, and as far as I can remember her response was the equivalent of "Oh.", which taught me something about my own worth. With current T I have given up all hope of getting any kind of acknowledgement. My birthdays are a really sensitive topic for me for extremely pathetic and boring reasons - that is only my own problem and nobody else's, but I can sort of relate to your situation. I'm sorry to hear your T is being insensitive.

Hugs ilikecats and Crocus.

That is what I meant. Sorry. I didn't exactly type that well, so it was easy to interpret it that wrong way. I know people have good lives, but JustShakey is right. Just not all the time.

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Definitely a nefarious plan! Just kidding. I seriously hope it wasn't taken in a bad way. I didn't mean it that way.

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I need to get caught up on the couch! Which I will try to do this evening when I get home from work.

Anybody know anything about what constitutes a "termination dream"? T mentioned that there is such a thing not long ago, just in passing when we were dancing around the topic of ending therapy, and she said "Well, you haven't had a termination dream yet." I stored the info in my noggin, but never bothered to ask her exactly what IS a termination dream, anyway? So last night I had this dream:

I go to my session but t's office is different, there are bookshelves in there now, and she is seated behind a desk. I sit down on the couch. There's a young male t in her normal chair, that I somehow understand without anyone telling me that she is training. T starts talking to me from behind her desk and asking me questions, when I look at her to answer, she tells me don't look at me, talk to him. I shout at her "No! Why didn't you tell me you were going to do this?" And instead of answering the question, she says "Hmm, I thought this might happen." And so I storm out, quitting, vowing never to return. (end of dream)

when I woke up to write it down, I felt this huge sense of freedom, and I still feel it this morning, like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders or something. Does this sound to anyone like it might be a termination dream?! My initial interpretation is that the office being different, that makes sense because last time I was there, there was a difference between us anyway, like t responded to me in a different way about some things that she has never responded like before. And we did talk a little about endings - that was one of the things she responded differently to - I had told her that the new paragraph in her online profile about "my clients leave with tools no one ever taught them before..." that that part gave me hope that there IS an end to this, and she said that yes of course there is an end. She's never said that before - only ever said that I didn't have to stop. I'm just really curious about where this male trainee t came from and what he represents. Interesting.

Anyway have a good day couchies! I am off to work in a few minutes.

Sibling #1's wedding is tonight and tomorrow.
So many people in my house.
So much noise.
How many hours until Sunday afternoon?
When they are all gone.
This is not the week for T to be away.
She said I could still call/text but I don't want to bother her.
She needs time right now.
I'm so freaking tired.
I also feel like something is seriously amiss with sibling #2's fiance.
Not a fan.

Morning, couchies.
I need a nap and it's only 07:30

And one more thing, because I won't have time to catch up here until this evening, sending hugs to those who want them.

Although this couch is moving so fast, it might end before I get back home!

Who knows what punny couch you might come back to!

Have graduation practice today. Not looking forward to it. Hours with people I hate, and then another few hours tomorrow doing the same thing. At least I get my ice cream cake tomorrow! Oh. And we have to search for my dress for tomorrow. Because we have to wear black and look like we are going to a funeral. And it has to be in dress code. Why does it matter!!!? We are IN SCHOOL anymore, especially after we graduate!!!!! As they say, "we want to look uniform and show Oakland unity." Sorry, hun. But unity? We have none of that. Whatever. So not happy about having to spend money on a dress for graduation.

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Who knows what NAME you would come home to!

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Artie - you cant terminate until the boy is off to school for a while.

I wouldn't consider this a termination dream as you said no and stormed out. A termination dream to me would be something where I was doing something difficult but T was hovering in the background and it gave me strength to do it and I knew I could do it on my own. Or if I had the dream you had but was okay with it not being my T and it being a trainee. My brain is fuzzy so I hope what I said made sense.

Art - why are you still obsessing over quitting? What if there is no big sign that says Finished? Can you not just go because you seem to enjoy doing it or find it useful in some fashion? I think sometimes one stops when one (inside one's self) has things one would rather spend the money on than therapy or simply thinks "therapy - meh"
Some people stop going regularly and simply make appointments when they want.

Hi Artemis,

I did Jungian analysis for a period of time, and this does not sound at all like a termination dream. It seems more like your unconcious is trying to get you to deal with a male in your life and not place that conflict on your therapist. But that's my outside take. You are the only one who can know for sure what your psyche is communicating.

eta: it might feel freeing to think that ending your therapist relationship is what brings relief, but it's worth examining if that's displaced frustration over something else you feel less control over.