I wonder if you have ever been asked and if you ever did a favour for your t?
What did it being up for you and did it affect your relationships afterwards?


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[BrazenApogee]

I had a very bad T who had serious boundary problems that made me feel guilty for not buying him presents like his other clients. I'm glad I got away before it got worse than it did. It was very hard because I was attached. I found a good T with good boundaries. I miss the other T, and I learned alot for him, but I am still very glad I got away.

[ScarletPimpernel]

My T asked me to come in earlier one session, so she could leave work earlier that day. I didn't mind. Kinda felt nice getting the opportunity to do something for her.

[healed84]

To preface this.. I know t's family from the very small school our kids go to, and dance studio. One day I was at school after hours, doing parent teacher fellowship stuff and t's daughter was there having a band lesson. T came to pick her up, and times got messed up, so she wasn't done but t had to get back, and mom wasn't available. So he asked me if i could bring her home. Wasn't a problem for me as they live close to school, and I have been to their house before (minus t being there) After I did it, t asked me if I felt put out by doing it and if I felt weird and the answers were all no.
Interestingly enough, with all the times that t and I see each other out of session, we rarely interact. Just a quick wave or smile at each other. It has never affected out t/client relationship.
Mona, I will say t and I have awesome relationship and I am able to call him out in stuff as well as he. You have talked about the rocky relationship with your t. If you have any doubts about doing the favor, you feel uncomfortable you should follow your gut.

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[Out There]

It wasn't really a favour for T , but he emailed asking if I could come at a later time for my appointment. I guessed he had another client to fit in who could only make the earlier appointment. I didn't mind and prefer later appointments anyway , so I said yes. I did like him knowing me well enough that I probably wouldn't mind , that was a nice feeling.

Originally Posted by BrazenApogee

I had a very bad T who had serious boundary problems that made me feel guilty for not buying him presents like his other clients. I'm glad I got away before it got worse than it did. It was very hard because I was attached. I found a good T with good boundaries. I miss the other T, and I learned alot for him, but I am still very glad I got away.

I am glad you got away too, wow, the guilt trip for not buying presents! I am shocked at that. Talk about needing clients to love you, what an ego.

Originally Posted by healed84

To preface this.. I know t's family from the very small school our kids go to, and dance studio. One day I was at school after hours, doing parent teacher fellowship stuff and t's daughter was there having a band lesson. T came to pick her up, and times got messed up, so she wasn't done but t had to get back, and mom wasn't available. So he asked me if i could bring her home. Wasn't a problem for me as they live close to school, and I have been to their house before (minus t being there) After I did it, t asked me if I felt put out by doing it and if I felt weird and the answers were all no.
Interestingly enough, with all the times that t and I see each other out of session, we rarely interact. Just a quick wave or smile at each other. It has never affected out t/client relationship.
Mona, I will say t and I have awesome relationship and I am able to call him out in stuff as well as he. You have talked about the rocky relationship with your t. If you have any doubts about doing the favor, you feel uncomfortable you should follow your gut.

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Sounds like your t really took the time to process that with you in session healed. Although he had no choice but to ask a favour he really thought about you and the consequences to you, sounds like an excellent t!
That would be very strange seeing ts daughter all of the time, I am glad you are both able to manage it in the best way for you.
Although I did that favour for t today she didn't process it in session and I really needed to because it does change things between us and I am left wondering of I am a friend or a client or what am I to t?
She offered a discount on this evenings session but I didn't take it because even that is crossing boundaries. I am now confused with it all!

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[BrazenApogee]

Originally Posted by Out There

It wasn't really a favour for T , but he emailed asking if I could come at a later time for my appointment. I guessed he had another client to fit in who could only make the earlier appointment. I didn't mind and prefer later appointments anyway , so I said yes. I did like him knowing me well enough that I probably wouldn't mind , that was a nice feeling.

My bad T would do this repeatedly. The first time it was ok. The second time was kinda ok. The third time I never accepted the new time and never went back. I felt he was giving away my appointments to someone else and didn't like me. It was good in a way because it gave me a way out, because I was too attached to do it on my own. He also called his clients his "friends", initiated physical contact without my consent or ever talking about it, and spent entire sessions talking about his own problems (or parts of sessions).

Luckily I found a new T who never changes the appointment, has very good boundaries, doesn't talk about himself unless I ask and only briefly, and is generally a very good T.

[junkDNA]

My T asked me if I would drive 2 cats to his cousins house in new york. But I don't think he was serious

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[waterlogged]

My T asked me to shift 30 minutes earlier on one day. It was actually a more convenient time for me and I'm pretty sure it would've been okay if I couldn't make it work.

[ThisWayOut]

The only "favors" I've done for t have been occasional changes in appointment time. Mostly it benefited me more also (the time worked better for me and t got to fit another client in, or leave early, or whatever the motivation for the change)...

I'm not sure I'd feel comfortable doing much else by way of "favors" unless it related to therapy...

[ruh roh]

As bad as I feel some of my therapy experiences have been, I can't think of any who asked a favor. I don't actually even think there's anything I have or could do that a therapist would want to ask for. Are you going to tell us what she asked you to do? I am really puzzled.

I can't say exactly what it was because it would definitely identify me but it involved me and t going somewhere together. We had to spend time together outside of session. It was kinda weird because I was afraid I would make a mistake driving or get road rage but it went alright!

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[Cinnamon_Stick]

I changed appointment times when my T needed to leave early or on the weekend she had a family thing to go to. I was happy to make things easier for her. I think other favors start to cross the boundary line with a therapist.

[BayBrony]

I can't even imagine what this could BE.
My T and I are very close. We snuggle, she says she loves me, we have lots of outside contact, she also is my yoga teacher, etc.
But I can't imagine her asking me a favor that involved us going somewhere. The closest is when she was doing yoga classes in a rented space I helped her carry the yoga equipment a few blocks to her car on the last day. But there were three huge bags so I would have done that for a total stranger
.

[nottrustin]

T and I have both done non-therapy related favors for each other. I have arranged for my child to help her with a few personal things (arranged it in their schedule, provided transportation etc.). Recently, my daughter had a mini emergency at college. T needed something from home but due to my work schedule I was unable to bring the item to her. T frequently visits the area where kiddo attends school. I asked T if she was going to that area. She was and as happy to help me out. She thanked me for allowing her to help my kiddo out.

T and I have had this type of relationship for about 4 or 5 years now. We are both able to keep our personal life and therapy life totally separate.

[Argonautomobile]

This reminds me of a recent exchange with my T in which it became abundantly clear that I have nothing to offer.

T: *cough*
Me: "Are you okay? Do you have a cold or something?"
T: "No, I'm fine. Just a cough."
Me:*Digging furiously in purse* "Do you want some, um, ...lotion?"
T: "Lotion?"
Me: "Yeah. I don't know how that will help, but it's all I have."
T: "Oh. Um, no thanks."

So, yeah, I have no idea what favor I could do for my T. Interesting thought, though.

[Ididitmyway]

Nope. Never happened to me. My boundaries were crossed but not in this particular way. I would've run away from any T who'd ask for any favor, except just changing an appointment time occasionally.

[AnxiousGirl]

My T has asked me to postpone a session twice the day of because of the flu, and a few other times due to personal reasons. I always say yes because I'm flexible with time and I dont really mind missing a week or 2 of therapy. When I go to my next session, she is always so thankful and it sort of strikes me as to why because I assume if she asks anyone, they would agree to change the session.

Another thing is that my T didnt know how to work her phone and computer one time and I taught her a few tips and tricks.

[Mike_J]

Have moved appointments a few times, usually it more she can't make that time for some reason than just convenience for her.

I would be THRILLED if she did ask me for a favor, and I have offered. I would gladly get out of bed at 2:00 AM to change a flat tire for her in the rain.

[brillskep]

Yes, my therapist asked me for a small favor once and I was very happy to help. It was something professional. I have issues around feeling useless so it was a positive experience to help him and my therapist really appreciated it too. It was something about his academic and professional activity, so it was an appropriate favor

I would do anything for my t and she knows that. I have done things in the past for her, copied albums, lent books, photocopied stiff for her but she has also done Stuff for me, gave me extra appointments whenever I needed. Helped me with my training, got me books that she thought I would like. This was different though. I feel it was a strange request and I wonder what the underlying motivation was with it. I feel like she wanted to get closer to me but I don't know what exactly it is

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[Out There]

Maybe ask her what the underlying motivation is ? Does she know I wonder ?

Originally Posted by Out There

Maybe ask her what the underlying motivation is ? Does she know I wonder ?

I recently found out that t is struggling with something in her personal life. I was shocked but not surprised because she has been acting so strange. Now I want to look after her

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[itjustis]

My T asked me to go for a walk with a client of hers because T was worried about her. I know the girl too but it felt good that T thought I was capable of helping someone in distress. T thanked me for it after and that's that. Nothing changed.

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[unaluna]

I tried to offer to be flexible to last minute schedule changes, but i found it bothered me a lot. He always sounded like he was lying! So i needed that boundary between us. I would say he holds his boundaries very well - its mine that he allows me to overstep.