Therapist not replying to emails

Thank you everyone for your input

I see him twice a month, that is all I can afford. I sent him three emails over the past two months. He never replied. When I saw him two weeks ago, he said I bet you're wondering why I haven't replied, I said yes. T mentioned because he doesn't have a receptionist right now ( she's not well), he is behind on everything. He's even behind replying to his own family. He works 12 hour days, lots of clients. Yet my emails are sent to his personal work email address, not the office one secretary uses.. He has a computer and uses a smartphone.

He hasn't offered text or voice calls. He told me a new secretary was starting, two weeks ago, and he will catch up and be able to respond. I sent him two emails, mentioned he read them, and will respond, never did. This is after the the new receptionist started.

True some people are flaky. I don't expect an immediate response or if an email doesn't always receive a reply no big deal. But none have received a reply

?

Wow, a therapist who works 12 hour days is not going to be very present, even in session--that is a lot of focus. Is there any way you can see someone else?

I am bad at responding to emails & I don't even work outside of my farm at this point in my life. The one time he did respond was before he started loosing his receptionists & started getting overloaded with work to keep his practice going. Remember, after each patient, he also has to make notes for those who have insurance or he doesn't get paid & also, they are required to do that same paperwork for All their patients, so having time for responding to emails at this point in his career might be very difficult which is why you aren't getting the replies you expect.

Sometimes we need to look at their situation & adjust our expectations appropriately. Would it be better if he told you not to email because he doesn't have time to reply?

Yes that may be better if he said not to email, doesn't have time. I know he takes a break (goes for a walk, gets coffee etc) between each client, sometimes sessions start later than appointed time. I understand he is busy. He does yawn a lot during sessions. So maybe I need to adjust my expectations.

You may need to adjust your expectations, but so does he. By now he should know that he gets busy and doesn't respond and it's a pattern. You should have realistic expectations of him - but he should also be realistic about what he can do and not overpromise.

This sounds like a really painful situation!

Hopefully this doesn't come across as harsh, but I do feel like you may need to adjust your expectations or find a therapist who isn't so busy.

You said your therapist is missing his receptionist, so he is handling all the administrative work of his practice alone. This could be an enormous burden. You didn't mention whether or not he takes insurance, but I've heard that working with insurance carriers can suck hours out of a work day. Also twelve hour days are incredibly tiring.

What all this means is that your therapist is being pulled in many directions and has to triage all of his clients. Essentially responding first to any suicidal clients, then to those in truly desperate conditions. To get attention, I'm guessing you'd have to be in pretty bad shape.

I'm not trying to take your therapist's side at all. I don't think a therapist strained this way can be of any use to a client who requires some outside of session support. Nor do I think he can be entirely checked in during all sessions. I'd look at the big picture - if generally he has been great and this is just a difficult time for him, you may need to be patient until the situation resolves. Otherwise, you may need to find a therapist with a little more time and resources.

When he was without a secretary it was becaus she was in a car accident. She worked from home to help him. The only way to book appointments was to email her. I'm guessing she handled insurance related stuff too, True without her in office it would be more difficult. He has a new receptionist in office for two weeks now. He may not be able to handle work load etc. I think he's an ok therapist.

One day I was approaching his office (he has his own private office )what I assume was another client leaving. She was outside his office speaking on her phone. The client mentioned that she was angry because she needed him to write a letter for her employer. She told him a month previous and he still hadn't done it. She had difficulty booking appointments due to the fact that he is so busy. He assured her he would make time for her to come in more regularly. Emailed his office to book more appointments and wouldn't even get a reply. She was quite upset.

Sounds like it's definitely not just you then--seems like he overextends himself and overpromises, then doesn't deliver on those promises. I'd definitely consider looking for another T...

Lonesome, I'm considering finding another T. Especially after hearing the woman in the hallway talking about her experience on a cell phone.

Thats awful. I wish they knew how that felt. I guess my thought is that if you decide to become a T then at least do it because you care and you want to help. The first thing I hear from many Ts is to remember that they have a life and kids at home. I think that a response like that is unacceptable. I work and give my undivided attention to my clients and I've never reminded them of my needs at home. Those are two separate things. I'm sure there are some great Ts but it's like finding a needle in a haystack. I know in a case like that all you spend your time doing is looking for that email to arrive. They have no idea. Good luck with that.

Some people are better at the job itself & not all the business stuff that goes with it. Just because he isn't able to manage what is happening right now, this isn't how it permanently should be once he gets things settled. If you really like the quality T you get from him, I wouldn't bail at this point in time.

When we have a career, everything doesn't just go smoothly because we are a professional. glitches & problems but if you are good at what you do, that's what's important.....the other stuff we can tolerate as long it's it's not a permanent part of his performance.

I am having this problem right now. My therapist has always been good about responding to emails by the end of the day. Every day. There was a point at which I emailed him every day when things were rough, and he always responded by the end of the day, if only to let me know he got the message. Now, in the past couple of weeks, I've sent him like one email a week, and he has taken a long time respond. Right now I'm on my third day of no response from him and it's been extremely tough. I feel so triggered. I know I need to talk to him about this tomorrow, but it sucks. I just want to feel better--I don't want to be so desperately needing this person all of the time. Sometimes I don't know if therapy is helping or just making things worse, but I know I'm terrified to quit. Sorry to hear you're struggling with feelings like this too.

How professional are your own emails to him?

I started therapy 7 months ago. My T had 2 receptionists since I started therapy that quit due to health reasons. So a third started a few weeks ago. Monday I sent an email to the office email the secretary uses to confirm my appt for next week. No reply, left message on voice mail, nothing. Today I emailed to change my appointment next week due to an important matter. Nothing so far. Nobody is answering the phone.I understand if she's busy they are unable to answer or reply.

One time I emailed my T directly to change my appointment. He said a certain date and time was open, I took it. His receptionist was away so that is why I emailed him. I show up that day, secretary is at the office, told me someone else had that time and date. I told her I spoke to T and told me it was okay. Apparently he forgot to tell her.

Maybe it's time to find a new T

I agree. Better to quit now instead of waiting and hoping something will change.

Sounds disorganized...That's not a good environment for therapy

I know that is painful for you.

(((Hugs)))