[Sarmas]

So I'm still on a therapy break and I don't think I'm going back due to issues with my T in past four years, she's become disinterested and more focused on money, and I'm about to have no insurance. I don't want to grow more attached than I am already and have to break it off because of finances. My kids also see a T as well who also works in her building. My T and their T are best friends. I gave them permission to communicate with each other thinking it was beneficial. I'm not sure what my T said to my kids T but she is giving me a hard time. I'm in the middle of a divorce and their T accused me in the last session of talking bad about her to my children which I didn't. She said otherwise she doesn't understand why they don't trust her. They had an issue with a previous T who we found out was giving all sorts of information about me and my children to my ex. He also grew against me and actually yelled at me during a session because I didn't want to apply what he was telling me which was insane. Then there T now said that she was thinking of terminating them. They're 15 and 11. She brought them in one at a time to question them in front of me and see if she could make a "liar" out of me. I told her that I was so overwhelmed already with life that the last thing I'm thinking about or talking about is her. She told my kids that she couldn't help them because they don't trust her. I told her to try to speak to them and see why and she told me that I don't have to tell her how to do her job. Now I don't have my T and all of the Ts there support each other. I can't keep switching Ts on my kids and that's not fair to them but now I'm on her bad list. She said that I'm working against her. I was wondering if perhaps because I'm not seeing my T and because that's her best friend that perhaps they are just trying to eliminate us because it's easier for the them. I wasn't sure how to handle things in order for her not to terminate my kids so she brought me in again the last five minutes of the session and asked me what I wanted to do. I told her that I didnt care anymore and for her to choose. I was emotionally tired and I'm exhausted of life as it is. So far she's still their T and now I'm walking on eggshells because of things don't go her way then it's my fault. Both my T and their current T wanted to prove their past T as not violating rights. I told them that information was passed along in ways that it shouldn't have been. I never reported him. They are still try to prove that he did nothing wrong and that my boys are making up things and that I'm not seeing things as it is. The way my divorce is going I might get one session in if that and it will be my T arguing with me about how wrong I am and how her best friend is right. I'm not sure which way to turn but my life just gets more complicated every day.

[Waterbear]

I had a T as a kid who I couldn't communicate with. I remember sitting there in silence until they got fed up and said that it was pointless if I wouldn't talk. This went on for a while as I remember but my memory is so bad from that time it may only have been a handful of sessions until they gave up on me.

17 years later I am just starting to realise that this may not have been my fault. That as a T, especially one supposed to be dealing with adolescents, it was their responsibility to try to communicate with me. Not once did they try to do anything rather than sit and talk.

My point is, if this T is not working for your kids then no T may be a better option than it not working if it leads to them thinking it is their fault they cannot communicate. If it doesn't work out then you have to tell them that it wasn't their fault, it was the Ts job to learn to communicate with your kids, not the other way round. Does she do anything other than try to talk? My current T does play therapy and art therapy and it really helps me. I wish they had tried this with me all those years ago and I might not be here now.

[Sarmas]

Their T tried playing a game with them last week. The funny part was that my 15 year old said it was odd because she was cursing and asks him if he did drugs and so on. These were questions she asked earlier on but he said to her no and why would you think that. He said her behavior and cursing was odd. She told me that other kids are not as aware as mine and that they should've trusted her by now. When I suggested a different approach that's when she told me to not tell her how to do her job. I really can't take them out of therapy because the courts and custody. I guess they're looking for a therapy to be completed adequately.

[Waterbear]

It is so tough. Can you ask for sessions to be recorded? I don't know what your relationship with your kids is and I don't want to pry or offer anything that might be unsuitable either. Therapy as an adult is hard enough but as a teen I found it impossible. My relationship with my parents had all but disintegrated by this point for me so I had no one fighting my corner with my T. Just the school doing their bit.

Can you search for Ts for them without them having to keep trying them out or maybe look for recommendations from other healthcare providers or educational establishments? Just a couple of suggestions but hugs to you and good for you for wanting the best for your kids.

[Sarmas]

My relationship with them is great but their T and my T think that we spend too much time together which I thought was strange especially during a time of need. Their relationship with their father is poor. He's very controlling and manipulative. Their T was fine until she started talking to him and my kids were afraid of what was being said plus she was contradicting herself as well. Her answers would change. That's what happened with the other T. We had him for three years with no issue and once my ex got involved there the same thing happened. It was almost like a switch where I think the Ts saw me differently. I'm not sure what was being said but it was noticeable to point that my kids mentioned it to me first.

[Waterbear]

That sounds terrible, sorry for you all that you are going through that. At least they have you there for them. That will count for more in the long run than any farsicle therapy that the courts just want to see completed. Stay strong.

[Sarmas]

You're right about that. I told them to just hang in there.

[LonesomeTonight]

Is it possible to find a different T for your kids? The thing where she had the kids come in with you and try to make a liar out of you just sounds really weird. And the fact that she's saying they should trust her by now because other clients did by that point. Sounds very defensive and adversarial. It just sounds like she's not a good fit for your family.

[scorpiosis37]

Why not ask your kids if they would prefer to stay with her or find a new T? Give them some agency in the process.

[Sarmas]

This would be therapist number two for them. The first one was handing out my teens information to his father without him agreeing. we confronted him and he denied it. My kids really don't want to go to therapy but it much needed.

[divine1966]

Many of my students ( I am a special Ed teacher) see a t and Pdoc. They often don't trust them and/or refuse to speak. One of my kids finally got a pdoc who he feels he can open up to, his last one he didn't trust ( his mom said it must be gender as he never did well with female docs or Ts). We also used to have totally wacko social worker whom no students wanted to open up to.

It's ridiculous this t is blaming you and the kids for them not opening up when it could be Ts fault! Or just bad fit.

Frankly both Ts sound wacko and trouble stirring. Hope you can maybe go find a different agency for yourself and them

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[divine1966]

I just saw that the t said you spend too much time with the kids???? Say what??? At 15 and 11? They don't want you to spend as much time with them???. Wow. Wacko doodles

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I just saw that the t said you spend too much time with the kids???? Say what??? At 15 and 11? They don't want you to spend as much time with them???. Wow. Wacko doodles

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

That's what I thought as well. It's been a difficult time for all of us and if anything we've only grown closer. They've grown father apart with their father due to the divorce and his relocation. He's changed so much that they want their old dad back but my ex has no idea that he's behaving so differently. Their therapist sort forced them into agreeing to a meeting with their father which didn't accomplish anything. They voiced their thoughts and concerns and my older one is very disappointed. I'm thinking that's why she might want to separate us more. She calls us a trio and that are bond is so strong that we need time apart. We don't see it all unhealthy and we get along well and like the same things. Idk.

[divine1966]

Well if your kids were 25 and spend all time with you that would be concerning, but not 15 and 11. My adult daughter and I are close but I wished I spent more time with her. I worked two jobs and went to school when she was a teen and although she is a happy successful adult and doesn't hold it against me she mentioned that I was never home when she was a teen, it breaks my heart. ( she isn't guilting me, in fact I brought the topic up myself discussing how to raise kids/and what I wish I could change). Spend as much time as you can with your kids now. Please. Ignore your t

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk