Anyone else go crazy waiting for a reply back from T?

How long did it take after you terminated for the longing to go away? I ended with my T two weeks ago as she found another job and the constant longing I have for her is getting worse now that we have ended and eating me up inside. How did you lessen it?

Yes, this happens to me too. T has been very consistent with replies, it's usually the same or next day. Still, a day has 24 hours, so the wait can be long anyways.

It kills me the most when I feel extremely vulnerable. The hardest emails to send are the hardest to wait for replies.

I send my T happy emails too, or kinda neutral informative ones. Those I don't obsess over nearly as much.

"A third possibility for T1 is that HIS behavior is compulsive and unconscious, meaning his reasons for continuing can't be categorized."

Thanks for this! Honestly, I've never thought about it this way. I'm so scared of him being "evil" (I watch too many lame movies) that sometimes it's hard to just accept what's going on as simply what is going on. And that he might not know, either. Can you see why I'm hesitant to ask him? This could have way more to do with him than me. Last session, he went into explicit detail about buying his first dirty magazine at age 14 and how over the moon he was about it. He told me how he drew a pic of a flaccid penis and gave it to some girl in 6th grade. He's had these issues forever, it seems. Sounds to me like we are both transferring old wounds onto each other. Maybe instead of predatory or evil...he is just lost.

That's what I'd bet. I don't think people intentionally hurt others often--the damage is more out of compulsions, wounds and needs. AND, therapy is an unreal world and its practioners are trained in all this theory. It's easy for reality to turn upside down and for them to convince themselves some crazy, harmful or self-interested thing is actually for client benefit.

I believe we're lost more than we'll ever admit.

I doubt he's evil. Still, the bottom line is your welfare and sanity.

For me has been 20 months since termination, and I have longing that won't quit. Keeping busy helps, but that is a band aid, and the longing (also rage, despair, shame, etc) is always waiting. Having a healthy satisfying intimate relationship in the real world would seem to be the ideal remedy, but not everyone can make that happen.

Seems to me there is a lot of rationalizing of the suffering that therapy causes, including this terrible feeling of being adrift or panicked between sessions or waiting for email replies (or lingering despair following termination). When seen objectively the whole thing starts to look a bit like abuse or torture, in my view. My last T at the very end acknowledged this, briefly, then returned to insisting it was good for me.

I think that when it goes wring it can be like abuse and when it goes right it can be like a blessed miracle. It is a risk and that risk is not explained to people well. Too many incompetent therapists around and not everyone is in the right state of mind to be able to search and vet and choose the most competent. That said it doesn't mean it is always like this, it really doesn't. It can work wonders and I think a big part of it is that, like in life in general, we don't hear as much of the good news, mostly the bad.

I struggle when waiting for a response but hope that this will change in time, when I learn that my T is safe and reliable and dependable.

In terms of what the biz talks about and promotes, seems it is almost exclusively the good news. In books and blogs and in person, therapists seem to largely avoid the whole topic of therapy harm. Out of sight, out of mind.

I read a book by a Psychologist where he discusses his theories about why therapy works, in the language and context of neurobiology. He argues that neuroplasticity can be leveraged in therapy because the brain is a social organ that responds relationally. Maybe he's right, not sure, but not once in the whole book did he broach the subject of whether therapy could harm in the same manner, if it goes wrong. He just did not go there at all.

This quote is interesting, in terms of what might be at stake:
"Many of the clients who come through my door have never had a safe enough relationship. Repetition compulsion has compelled them to unconsciously seek out relationships in adulthood that traumatically reenact the abusive and/or abandoning dynamics of their childhood caretakers. For many such clients, we are their first legitimate shot at a safe and nurturing relationship; and if we are not skilled enough to create the degree of safety they need to begin the long journey towards developing good enough trust, we may be their last." -- Pete Walker MFT

Too true. From the therapist we hear the positive and, largely, from the client we hear the negative. I agree with what the quote says. This is the last shot I am willing to give this. If in two years I haven't found 'it' I quit. I believe the brain can be rewired and as such of course damage can be done.

3-4 months. One day at a time.

Winenot,
Your therapist, in my opinion, is a dirty old man who should be reported for unethical practice.
Yet, I still understand your feelings.

I agree that there seems to be some harm caused by therapy in itself. The suffering it causes, the intense longing for that person, waiting for replies, struggling between sessions and even in session. Don't get me wrong, I had a fantastic therapist I just ended with but therapy in itself can be very difficult and shouldn't cause this suffering.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

I hope it gets better for me, I am glad it did for you. I think it took a lot of courage for you to leave on your own. I don't think I could do that.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

I think this is a crucial point. There's also an inherent conflict of interest in this scenario. If the client asserts they are being harmed, the T might have to concede that some fundamental aspect of what they do is hazardous. If they cant tolerate this, they might instead try to manipulate the client into believing no harm was done (as mine did), which is the opposite of what the client needs and might be another layer of wounding.

There are people in the field who know the inherent risks in therapy, you just don't hear from them. My own psychiatrist warned me of this when I was looking for a marriage counselor. He said there are a lot of terrible therapists out there, and that bad therapy is more harmful than no therapy. If this were common knowledge, no one would go to therapy. So, unfortunately, discussions on the topic aren't encouraged.