[Sarmas]

So I've mentioned in a different thread that lately my T has become very distant and has become very comfortable with answering phones around me and being late to session. She's always on her phone texting and calling when therapy should've started 10 to 15 minutes before. I've never said anything because she usually gets defensive and I don't want be a nuisance. I figured that she would give me that time back but she doesn't. During session she listens out to what's going on outside of the room and I just don't feel that I have her attention. Her phone will go off numerous times and about a month ago she was stretching her neck to see who was calling because she was texting someon in the beginning of my session. Then she started forgetting names, places, and events. I haven't left because I've grown to realize that Ive become attached and I don't know why. She went on vacation and I took that time to separate. I cancelled and she never asked why and then I said I'm taking a break and figured I would disappear. I texted her then telling her why I was taking a break and no response. After days she finally responded with a "time just flies and I don't know where days go". She's always come up with an excuse not to answer texts or emails. In the past 4 years it's been no reception, My child erased your message, my phone wasn't responding, and somehow I bypassed your email. There were many more. She texted me telling me that if I've grown dependent to not separate but that there is a middle ground. I'm not sure how healthy this is for Me. Also I'm either switching insurances or will not have any and i don't want deep dependent feelings to be there and have to do this process all over again. In the four years we haven't addressed in depth my childhood trauma, divorce/custody, and financial issues which I'm overwhelmed by. I have lots going on and I know I need therapy but I'm not sure if it's feasible or worth it.

[Waterbear]

I would say leave this T for sure. As to whether to find a different one I am struggling at the moment and probably am not the best person to advise you. Why waste more time with something that is upsetting and hasn't helped though? Attachment or no attachment you can see that this hasn't been helpful for you. Can you listen to your heart?

[guilloche]

Four years? You've got to leave... you know that, right?

I understand that it's hard, and that you feel attached. But, what are you getting out of staying? She doesn't sound like she's helping you at all... in fact, she sounds really terrible.

Some people have had success in seeing another therapist on the side, while seeing their first therapist, and using that as a way to get away from the first one. They talk to the 2nd one about the relationship, get some perspective/help understanding it, and at the same time, see what a good, caring therapist looks like. The 2nd therapist can also be a source of emotional support for leaving the first one. Would something like that help?

Usually, I'd say that you should talk to your current therapist about the issues you're having with her, but this one sounds so over-the-top bad, honestly, you really should just get out.

And, is it possible that part of what's difficult is it's replaying a situation from your childhood? Sometimes, we get pulled in to something b/c it's familiar, it may not feel good, but "familiar" is often, in a weird way, comforting... because it shows us that the world is predictable and works as we expect it to. How does her behavior compare to how you were treated growing up?

Good luck. I hope you can find someone who can help. I'm still searching for a good therapist too, it's astonishingly hard.

[Victoria'smom]

You need to go to a clinic they have sliding scale fees. If you already are at a clinic request a new T. You need therapy and she's not providing it. I know it sucks starting over but that's best for you.

[precaryous]

Yes, I hope you will find a new T.

I can't believe she lets her child near her phone...and not supervise her to the point the child actually has an opportunity to delete messages! Where is the confidentiality? Where is the professionalism?

Good god.

I'm thinking of giving up looking for another T. I can't allow anyone else to cause me the pain I have been put through for YEARS because of what my T and the other one did to me. They think it's OK to abuse me. I can't believe they would do such a thing....but they did....and they never gave a hoot!!!

Other people who knew never gave a hoot either!!! It's the worst situation to be in.

[Sarmas]

I know. So much of what she says is fabricated. I've caught her in so many lies but I haven't said anything. I figured that she's human and that she might have unresolved issues as well. I just appreciate honesty than something that is so obviously fabricated. She's a terrific therapist for only a few and for them she goes above and beyond. I believe that she's only interested in a certain population with certain needs. I guess if I don't fall into that criteria then she's not interested. She really likes her money though so I believe the rest of the clients are fillers. She's mentioned to me at times how much my insurance pays her versus her fee which the difference with my copay is $10. She will move my session around for her to accommodate families group sessions. I guess it's time to move on. The text she just sent me must be that she has lots of cancellations due to the weekend. Otherwise she would've never contacted me. She's very predictable and I would love to be wrong but after four years of this it becomes easy to spot.

[Sarmas]

You're so right. Now that you mention that she does remind very much of people in my life. I was ignored and treated as insignificant most of my life and with her I try to explain myself and it doesn't matter how much I say and what I say it just doesn't make a difference. What she thinks and says is golden and I'm wrong because according to her my thinking is skewed. So I could never make sense to her. I've been used to that especially when j was a child because my word had no value. I figured this is just how it is and that someone else would just treat me the same or worse.

[stopdog]

It doesn't matter whether a therapist is human or not. A client is paying for a service and if that service is subpar or shoddy, then there is no need to put up with it.

[Sarmas]

You're right. I've given her so many excuses.

[Sarmas]

She's told me that if it wasn't for finances that she wouldn't be working and that when she's not there the last thing she wants to do is talk all day because she's drained from all of her clients. I understood what she was saying but to say that to a client is another thing. I see it as wasted time and money.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Sarmas

She's told me that if it wasn't for finances that she wouldn't be working and that when she's not there the last thing she wants to do is talk all day because she's drained from all of her clients. I understood what she was saying but to say that to a client is another thing. I see it as wasted time and money.

Gee she is plain rude.

I want quiet time when I am not at work too as I have a very loud fast pace job and talking none stop all day, and surely sometimes teens drain me but I never in my entire long career told my students that they drained me.

Dump her, she is rude and unprofessional

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Sarmas]

I know I found it odd that she would actually verbalize that to a client. What I interpreted out of that was that she didn't want to be there. We had an issue once where I emailed her and then come time for my session she was verbally abusive. Just really bitter and what she said was nasty. Then she told me that she was overwhelmed and needed a break and that she was going out with her friends which was much needed for the weekend. I think she just picked me to vent or whatever it was but it was tough to deal with. I didn't expect that and was so shocked that I wasn't even sure how to respond to that. Then the week after I cancelled and told her later that I figured I would give her sometime to calm down and that I guess she was having a bad day. She got defensive then as well. She's been known for being rude to me. I'm not sure if she's the same to others in that aspect.

Your T sounds terribly unprofessional.