Is this bad?

Hi, so I am a male and I got accepted for counseling in an organization here in my city a while ago and he just got back from paternity leave.

Today I went to see him and I wanted to do some desensitization but I was too afraid/embarassed because it involves a sexual incident in my adult life.

So I did talk a bit but I didn't feel anything.. it is just like saying it flatly but it didn't give me any relief or resolution of trauma.

So if I talk about my trauma in counselor's office won't help how do I cure myself of ptsd or c-ptsd. I thought that talking about your trauma in safe environment is supposed to desensitize you and move forward in life.

Then I explained to him how I wanted to do desensitization and explained how trauma happens when your mind/body blocks the trauma and you are caught in fight/flight forever until the trauma is resolved.

Is it bad that I had to show him how to do his job... although he agreed with me and supposedly agreed to do desensitization work next time but I explained it all.. so is that bad?

And my second question is how am I supposed to get rid of multiple traumas in my adult life if talking flatly about them doesn't help... I don't know how else to cure myself.

That sounds really tough. I don't have any advice I am afraid because I am not in that situation. My stuff is from many years ago. The only thing that I can possibly think of is left brain vs right brain.

You describe talking about it flatly, logically almost. This is left brain analytical stuff. The right brain deals more with emotions and it may be this that you need to deal with. Going through the right brain and feeling the pain and fear in the safe environment once trust is eatablished. Very loose explanation but you sound intelligent enough to look it up and figure it out for yourself. It can take more than just talking about it.

That DOES sound really tough. I admire you for talking about this with the T, and for having an idea of what you want to do moving forward. I don't think it's necessarily bad that you explained what you want to do. This issue is so painful, so sensitive, that I think T's try very hard to let the client take the lead--to the point that they (the T's) can end up doing nothing at all. Sort of like they figure passively shutting up and listening is preferable to actively saying/doing the wrong thing.

If it were me, I'd give it some more time. Try and be patient. It may be you find talking about it, even flatly, does give you some relief eventually. You may find yourself talking flatly, then suddenly become overwhelmed with emotion, and find that THAT is what gives you relief. You may find that talking about it directly does nothing to help at all, and that healing takes place indirectly, by working on other things in your life.

I'm by no means an expert, but I've personally found the relationship between me and my T to be a powerful factor in dealing with trauma. Is this the first time you've met with this therapist? If so, you may find that things look different down the road when you and the T know each other a little better.

Good luck with everything. I hope you find a solution that works for you.