After my "Protesting" session with T on Monday. I've come to see that is not always in getting what we WANT that gives up satisfaction, Its in getting what we NEED is where the secret lies. I may want T not to take a break, but all I NEEDED was for her to hear my protests and validate them.

I can see other area's in my life now, where I've confused WANTS with NEEDS.

I'd no idea just how much I needed to be heard, now theres lots of little voices inside all wanting the be heard too.

Its not the result of our demands thats important, as much as the expressing them and having them heard!

Its so clear now, but until I got here, I couldnt "see" it.

King baby inside stamps and demands "I want, I want, I want," but now I can begin to teach it what it needs and know that though it may not be the expected result, it is the best result!

[withit]

Thanks so much for sharing that, Mouse! Very Well said! ''I just want you to hear me'' I have told this to t on many an occasion.

[Perna]

I got so I could credit my T for "trying" to listen, even when the result wasn't any good and she didn't understand. She was in there trying and I could see that and that became enough sometimes, just that she was struggling to be "with" me, that she really wanted to listen to me.

Seeing that they are really sad that it is hurting you that they are going away takes some of the sting out of the going away and makes it feel less like abandonment and a greater sense of connection so when they're away one can realize they may be thinking of you occasionally afterall :-) Even 2 years after termination now, I still do the imaginary I'm-thinking-of-her/she-probably-occasionally-thinks-of-me too scenario for comfort. We're not freaks, we're just like they are/they're just like we are.

[sunrise]

The distinction between wants and needs is a great one, mouse. And when the "wants" and "needs" are in sync, that is a great situation. For me, being able to identify what I need is a good skill to cultivate, and then being able to tell T is another. I remember once my T asked what I wanted from him in therapy, what I wanted him to do, and he said these powerful words: "tell me your needs." I didn't remember a time in my life when anyone had asked what my needs were before and I was bowled over that someone, anyone, would care what my needs were. That statement threw me off for weeks.