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#1
Jul 20, 2007, 10:19 PM
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um...crap!
i was hospitalized last week because of two weeks of major self injurying....now, its back to work monday. huh? i don't get it? i don't know who i am! crazy chick who can't wear her own damn underwear (nothing but a hospital gown) because she's being monitered for SIB or professional with lots of responsibilities and lots riding on her shoulders? i'm so confused! i can't see how i can be both! i didn't SI for years - but several situations triggered it just recently. i was hospitalized twice as a teen, but this is my first major melt-down as an adult in my 30's....... HOW do i walk into the office monday? HOW?! HELP!! i feel so open, raw, exposed! i'm scared........... <font color="red"> can anyone relate?? does anyone have advice?? please help! </font>
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I can calculate the motion of heavenly bodies but not the madness of people. ~ Isaac Newton |
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#2
Jul 20, 2007, 10:28 PM
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I sometimes feel like I am living a dual life-therapy consumer and student studying addiction counseling and employee-but I can't imagine the experience of hospitalization followed so closely by work. Do you feel up to going to work? I suspect that if you could get a little medical leave of absence if you don't. I had a co-worker who did this. I don't know the full story except that drugs were involved and she has a history of depression. The boss had enough sense not to tell us anything-the co-worker mentioned a little bit to me because she knows that I am on an anti-depressant.
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#3
Jul 21, 2007, 09:59 AM
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> HOW do i walk into the office monday? HOW?!
> HELP!! i feel so open, raw, exposed! i'm scared........... It is very surprising, but most people will not know what happened to you. They cannot read your mind -- they are too busy taking care of themselves. You can decide to only tell ones that you trust (if there are any). I know it sounds untrue, but it is likely that they are too busy with their own problems to notice yours. Which can be good or bad. It's good if you at least have someone to tell the truth to. Such as us. Or a T.
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Now if thou would'st When all have given him o'er From death to life Thou might'st him yet recover -- Michael Drayton 1562 - 1631 |
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#4
Jul 21, 2007, 10:17 AM
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I am a professional in the mental health field and last year I was hospitalized for depression and suicidal thoughts. It was a very difficult time for me when I had to go back to work. However, I decided that I did not really care what others thought that depression is an illness like any other and that anyone who had been in the hospital for a medical condition would not feel the same. So I went back and actually it was not nearly as bad as I had anticipated. People were very supportive...the one's that knew...and the rest did not matter to me. I can certainly understand your feelings as I have been there myself. Just hang in there and do your best and that's all you can do.
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#5
Jul 21, 2007, 10:55 AM
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((((((((hopeful, pachyderm, littlemouse)))))))))))))
thank you for your comments! hopeful - do i feel ready to go back to work? NO! but i don't know how i can not go back? pachyderm - you are right....i do worry they know more than they can know...it's just our office is only 13 people - who i've worked with for 2 to 3 years...i've said i was having issues with anxiety and my bp spiked (which is all true) but i wonder if that will be enough? several commented prior to my hospitalization that i was acting funny and asked what was wrong... littlemouse - thank you for sharing your experience! i'm glad it wasn't as bad as you thought it would be!! there's no one there i feel comfortable telling... one of my main concerns is that stresses at work and tensions with my boss (i really think she was planning to fire me) were one of the main causes of my SI...i'm afraid i may not be able to get back into the swing of things so to speak....i feel resentment toward my boss....the work is hard and stressful and i don't know if my focus will be there...i'm a mess....a stupid mess.... but i guess there's nothing i can do about it...monday is monday....i have an appt with a psychiatrist monday afternoon and then thursday i have an appt w a therapist. both these appts were made while i was in the hospital - so i don't know them - never met them....which is adding to my stress.... oh well - that's life i guess.... thank you again for taking the time to comment....it helps!
__________________
I can calculate the motion of heavenly bodies but not the madness of people. ~ Isaac Newton |
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