The Couch 116: Puns Tsar Terrible...

I love that!! Maybe a message of love to many. It is to me!! Thank you!

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So. I've been told that I'm the root cause of the hurt to my family from their grandparents. On my side of course.

When am I just going to lay this down? Why can't I just let it go?

Not listening to it tonight. H was in my mental space. He has some abstract understanding of what I've been trying to work through for the past 2 years. And. It does include him.

Just got the threat that he was going to bed and he would see how things looked in the morning. Usually I freeze. Usually I go away. Not this time!! I met each remark with honesty and truth. My heart is racing.

He just went inside and said he was filing for divorce tomorrow. For some reason that does not scare me. Maybe I'm numb. Not sure. Not even sure if I believe he will remember what he said.

Just wanted to say this to someone.

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My tummy feels sick and I don't want to go inside. It's almost 1 and I have to work tomorrow.

I don't want things to be like this! I've let my boys down because I didn't have the courage before to be strong. Still don't know if I do now or not, but I do feel a little more courage or numbness. Not sure which one.

Again. Just wanted to say this to someone.

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I hope you are OK!! Before I resigned from my toxic workplace I was having multiple panic attacks a day. They are just awful

That Brene lady sure does love to do Ted Talks.

I love this parody of TED talks--hope it cheers you up like it made me giggle.

Hugs, Trailrunner. I wish I knew what to say

Thank you! Going to bed. Thank you for hearing me. For some reason that makes a difference.

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Hugs! I wish for you to have comfort. I don't know what to say either. If care and affection could be physically transmitted like a warm hug, I would be sending you so many of them. You are in my thoughts.

For the last week and a half or so I've been wearing shorts, because it's hot. Meaning that my prosthetic leg is visible. So Wednesday I was sitting in an empty classroom with a friend and a man I'd never met walks in. (I assume he was a teacher.) Doesn't introduce himself, just crouches down next to me - "Can I look at your leg for a moment?" I was startled and said Yes. Then he asked me how expensive it was!

I'm not a circus. Seriously, he was rude.

((TrailRunner))

One way or another, things will be different.

I see courage.

"Dude, I didn't get this leg just to pick up men."

Hey CE where've you been? Workinng hard?

Yay! I have a summer volunteer job!

Yay! Breadfish. Way to go!

Morning, couch.

I slept pretty good last night. Still waiting to hear back from my brother. Wonder what he will say. I don't really mind how he will answer, yes or no, it will just be interesting to see. He may just be afraid of seeing my pdoc...the thought crossed my mind, but I was able to overcome it by remembering that HIPAA prevents my pdoc from telling my brother anything about me, and me anything about him, so a paranoid thought did cross my mind, but at least I was able to overcome it. I know that paranoid thoughts are not going to just disappear, but at least with my med (the shot) I am able to come to reality and push the thought out of my mind and at least the voices are gone right now.

If he says yes, it would be a little odd to have my brother see the same pdoc as me, but it could be beneficial. Even though I know pdoc cannot share information about each of us to each other, it could help him come to some realization of similar symptoms in us and if it runs in our family or not, which could help him give an accurate diagnosis and treatment. I dunno, up to my brother at this point.

I have CVS tonight, first night in days...I have very few hours this week. I need to shower beforehand since I failed to yesterday.

I dunno if pdoc's reaction caught my subconscious' attention or what, but I have been remembering to take my meds since my last appointment (a week and a few days). I duno when I wasn't taking them before it was not a deliberate thing, I just honestly would not remember until bedtime when it was too late. So the effort has not changed...so it must be something with the subconscious.

Thank you for hearing me last night! It was not a good place and I felt myself slipping away.

It helped me to know that someone heard me.

I feel like today is a quiet day. Sorting things out, or the remnants of the night. Not sure.

Thank you for hearing me. It helped me very much!

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my husband is coming home today

Decluttering all at once suuuuuuccks !!!

Moving tip: declutter and throw out stuff 6 months before you plan to move. I'm on my third drop-off to goodwill

Everything has been a bit weird for me lately. I've had a mix of elation at getting my first choice counselling placement (in spite of thinking I'd blown the interview) and I got a first class result in one of my assignments which my tutor called 'publishable quality'. However I've been really unsettled because I've been starting to talk about my neglectful childhood and this is the first time I've ever talked about it. I keep dissociating but I keep going because I know I need to do it. I am proud of myself but it's damn hard.

Have a nice Friday and weekend!

Not sure if anyone here has one but my sister and I cannot stop watching reborn videos...

Friday is finally here. My niece comes in tomorrow from Minnesota and on Sunday we travel down to the meet the family for a few days here:

The Avonne Log Home (Eat your hearts out!!)

We'll be back some time next Wednesday.

So, as soon as my husband gets home from work, my sons and I will head out on a quest for new bathing suits for them and for snackage/drinks to take to the house. My brother-in-law and other niece are providing all of the meals. The rest of us are taking care of snackage and drinks. I can't wait to spend some time relaxing with the family.

My youngest son started working on his all-state music this week, so we do about an hour of practicing each afternoon. So far, so good. The music doesn't seem too terribly difficult this year and suits his voice well.

We bathed the dogs and cleaned the house for my oldest son and his fiancee' who will be staying here while we are gone to house/dog sit for us. They couldn't get time off from work unfortunately.

Ack, ack, ack, ack!

My mom is so pushy. I still have not heard back from my brother (really no big deal, maybe he hasn't checked his text yet), so she wants to email and facebook him. WTF?!? I don't want to overpower him. She is so pushy. It's entirely his decision if he wants to see the guy or not. Maybe he read the text and decided "NO" so he is not responding. You never know. I am NOT going to email or facebook him. I already texted him for her. That SHOULD be enough.

Wonder how atat is doing