[manageri]

I've been seeing a psychotherapist for about a month now. I've told her about my issues generally (social anxiety and past depression), but haven't gone into details regarding my past and specific events that may be related. I guess I just don't feel safe being completely open and vulnerable. Specifically, I really worry about crying etc, and how she might see me (or judge me, is perhaps more to the point). I really just need help moving past that point of worrying so ****ing much about what she thinks, so I can really start sharing things, but I have no idea how to do it.

I'm not sure if I feel so inhibited because of my past interactions with public (current PT is private sector tho) mental health care workers. The only few people I ever opened up to a little somehow both managed to get new jobs elsewhere and therefore had to stop seeing me. I maybe feel like those events left me feeling like it's pointless to try to get help when it's just going to get snatched the **** away, and all I'll be left with is the ****** feelings dredged up in the name of trying to work through the afore-mentioned ****.

Or(/and?) maybe it has to do with sexual stuff. I'm a straight guy and my PT is a woman in her early 30s or something. I wonder if some idiotic hard coded macho ******** of trying to maintain some kind of hard exterior in front of anyone you might want to **** is at least partially responsible for my inhibitions. Being serious about wanting a working therapeutic relationship, I of course have no desire to even try to do anything about any sexual feelings that may arise, but considering how ****tarded our sex-addles monkey brains are, I feel it's never too early to worry about such things.

Or maybe it's something else entirely. Any thoughts and ideas welcome.

[kecanoe]

For me it has just taken time. Me sharing a little more and it beng ok and then me sharing more...
FWIW all the ts I know think it is a good thing to cry. It took me years to be able to cry in session. And I still don't cry when alone.

I have been seeing my T for 18 months and it's literally only in the last couple of months or so I've started to feel able to open up about certain stuff. It may just be a case of patience.
One month in is really early days, so try not to beat yourself up or overanalyse. My T has always said that defences are there for a reason. Seeing my reluctance to open up as a normal human reaction helped me to accept myself in those early days. Everything else followed with time.

[Argonautomobile]

You sound like you're being really hard on yourself. Don't. It takes time to open up to people. Took me about six months. If you can, I would try to talk to her about your fears surrounding vulnerability. Good luck with everything.

[annielovesbacon]

Honestly I think it just takes time. When I started seeing my former T, I liked her right away, but it took me SO long to feel comfortable with her. It took me about six months to tell her I had been feeling suicidal (after dodging the question or straight up lying in previous sessions)... I worried that she would be angry with me for not telling her before, but she completely understood and was glad that I finally felt comfortable.
What you're feeling is completely normal. Don't be too hard on yourself. Give yourself time.

[stopdog]

I have been seeing each of them for around 5 years and I am not what I would consider comfortable. I don't see that as a goal for me.

[ScarletPimpernel]

What not ask the T her opinions about such things. Like crying...