The Couch 120: The Missing Element

I thought maybe the olympics were giving him nightmares

(((BB))) what happened?

How does one take care of themselves emotionally?

For me: 1. you realize nobody ever put your feelings first before. 2. You put your feelings first. 3. You hold your breath and hope everything doesnt blow up.

Guess I need to figure out how to feel feelings then, which I'm starting to but it feels soooooo overwhelming...

and 4. even if everything does blow up, have enough confidence in yourself to know that you'll make it through.

I know all this in theory. I am just horrible at it in practice. Too much guilt.

Nope, cos I'm not watching them.

Wrap up warm. Eat regular meals. Don't stay up too late. Stuff like that.

It started for me with accepting a glass of water from my t! After that it only took ten years. You got this!

Bay, what can we do or say to help?

Thinking of you, Bay.

It's the guilt. I get it in theory. In practice, it doesn't apply to me and I don't deserve it. My only life's purpose it to make others happy and if I can't succeed at that I shouldn't be here.

Holy crap. I dont even know anybody who would expect me to do stuff to make them happy. Altho i know i live kind of a weird life.

So like - are you sure?

I don't think it's actual people demanding we make them happy, it's that we feel like we should be making others happy, especially if we know we've hurt them.

This is more or less me and future ex.

I was raised with parents who taught me their unhappiness was my fault and to fix it I needed to be a perfect child. Also an abuser taught me to keep him happy, when I was a young child, and a severely abusive relationship if I kept him happy he wouldn't hurt me. Simplified versions.

So it's a very built in habit of thinking of how I can please others and make them happy and somehow I have to figure out how to change this aspect and figure out how to take care of myself....

Mind boggling.

Didn't mean to kill the couch 😔.

(((Crocus, BayBrony, Ellah))) group hugs

The Couch is immortal and invulnerable. It cannot be killed.

I don't know what's happened on the Couch lately. I made a drs. appt. tomorrow because I'm going on a trip Monday but I'm too exhausted. Could be anxiety or allergies or the heat or lack of sleep or all of them! It's not with my regular dr.but at least she'll check me out.

I agree!!!

(((BayBrony)))

(((Ellahmae)))

Absolutely! Long live the couch! (and all incarnations thereof!)

So couch I had rather an epiphany today and I want to share. It was that it's ALL feelings - the sadness, guilt, stress, whatever it's ALL frickin' feelings!! And I have learned well what to do with feelings... allow myself to feel them without becoming them, learn from them, then let them go. I swear, that last homework assignment from t was the best thing she ever suggested in almost 5 years of seeing her!!

I can't do this anymore. I don't even know why I'm posting here. Everything is crushing and I really just don't care. I texted T. She's probably in a late session with a client that's been having crisis' quite frequently. I want to scream at her and tell her I'm in one, but I can't. I won't. So I just sit here and cry, when I should be writing. I don't want to be left alone with these feelings. She understands so where is she?

Where am I? where do I want to be? Where am I going? Up or Down? Just around. Lost. Scared. Young. Alone. Lost.