I've been to 4 therapists now...and not one has truly been my friend....don't get me wrong being professional CAN be good. But to what point? How is being proffessional always going to help when you need a hug? A smile...someone to be there always...? Today I have an appointment at 2....I'm so afraid for the past 3 weeks she's been on vacation (only saw her twice before...) I've been crying horrible...the 2 times I saw her..she didnt even shake my hand like my previous ones...nor gave me a hug when I needed it...the last time I saw her I waited at the door..as she went to her desk...this was after the appointment was over.....i was waiting for her to come back to shake my hand..hug..whatever...but she didnt...she just opened the door and say bye have a good week...blah blah...

world doesnt like me does it

[skittles]

some ts r just like that.... its nothing against u.... some r just totally and strictly professional....

[dreamrunner]

Hi Moonkin....I know you want that contact with T esp when your emotional but I can see T's point not being physical.
I personally would be very uncomfortable if my T held my hand or hugged me.Yes I trust him however....maybe your T is uncomfortable as well as careful not to cross boundries.
I sure wouldnt take it personal......

[tranquility]

Moonkin,

I have never had a T that has hugged me or touched me in any way. I know alot of people here do have that. I've been seeing my T for 16 years, once probably 13 years ago she went to the grand canyon and brought me back a little rock from the bottom of the canyon. She put it in my palm and closed my hand around it - that is the closest thing to touching that ever happened.

There is nothing wrong with T's that do a small amount of touching (pat on the shoulder, brief hug, etc) but alot of T's are very cautious because of ethical dilemma's, transference, etc.

I don't have a problem that she doesn't touch me - would I mind? No, but she is a good T and that's more important to me than touching me.

I also now see a hypnotherapist that is a regular T as well and he has never touched me either. He shook my hand the first time we met but that was it.

Many times I look in their eyes and see the compassion an caring in their eyes and that helps me know that they care.

Tranquility

Therapists cannot be friends. Being too emotionally attached as a therapist will disrupt their objectivity. The clients long for that friendship, but in the end, the therapist having the boundaries is for the best. I know to the client it seems painful, but if those boundaries are crossed they will have to end the therapist-client relationship.

My social worker, when I was 16, shook my hand twice. Beginning treatment and terminating treatment. It hurt. I wished she'd of given me a hug at the end of treatment, but she didn't. Some therapists just don't give hugs. It may be *their* issues and feel the need for that firm boundary of no contact.

If I were you, I'd ask her about it.

There area many ways a T can "hold" you without physically touching you. This takes time. I've been with my T for almost two years and only in the past couple of weeks have I felt "held"... safe... taken care of... like he will always be there. And believe me, that connection goes in and out, still. Anyway, my point is that my T has never touched me. Not a hug, not a pat, not even a handshake. I wouldn't trade any of those things for the experience of emotional intensity and connection. It took a long time to get there. And it is very normal to crave physical contact from your T. Sometimes I wish my T could hold me. I just try to think about how there are a lot of other ways of holding... and how he does those things.

i have never had more than an occasional handshake... i do wish for hugs, but not for the usual reasons of desiring more intimacy... but i want to learn to trust and enjoy the contact of a hug in a safe environment.

[sunrise]

Moonkin, your therapist isn't supposed to be your friend. I know--it can be so confusing to be so close to someone but not be their friend. I've been in therapy for 10 months with my current T, and sometimes still have trouble with being so close to someone whose role in my life is as a professional. Do you think you can learn to be close to someone who is not your friend? The closeness has a lot of similarities to being friends but is unique in other ways, some of them wonderful. You will not replicate this very special relationship with your friends. I hope you will be able to take advantage of this wonderful opportunity that therapy can offer. Just take it slow and don't expect to accept it overnight.

My T only very occasionally touches me (shakes my hand, a squeeze around the shoulders, a rare hug), but when he does it, he is still my therapist, not my friend.

thanks for replies every1.

[MissCharlotte]

((Moonkin))

Don't think I can say much that hasn't already been said.

I love my T but we are not friends, nor lovers......if anything he's more like my mother. T and I have never touched....well, once when hubby & I were both there and we were leaving he shook both of our hands, but he's my T and we don't shake hands, hug, touch at all, but as Pink said, he holds me in many, many ways.

She can be a friend in the room, while you're there. It is a special relationship, isn't it? She'll help you find those things you want outside of therapy, where there are real people who will be able to give you the hugs you want and need.

[WinterRose]

I have a hard time here too Moonkin. I do want a friend and someone to talk too, however, thinking about it recently - I've noted that the things I share with t and pdoc I would never share with anyone else to the same extent. I think that's what's different. Because they aren't your friends you can be more open and vulnerable and trusting - they have no personal agenda.