[sunrise]

In my session last week, I cried a lot. "You're grieving," said T. "I don't think I've ever seen you so sad." I have been sad a few times with him before, but the tears just kept leaking out this time. The week before had been filled with a lot of difficult and poignant situations, as the break-up of my marriage proceeds. My husband and I had told our kids we were splitting up, and that was very, very hard, and sad. Very sad.

I didn't know I was going to go to T's office and cry. I guess we don't plan for this, do we? I remember I kept thinking I would get this in hand after a minute or two and stop crying, but it just kept going on. I had to ask T for a box of kleenex--there were some next to him but none next to me--and there was something hard about having to make that request. Like an acknowledgement from me that my sadness was real, that it existed. That seems trivial, but I really remember that. It was interesting that he waited for me ask him, rather than offering me the box unprompted.

He told me it was OK to cry and to let it out and how glad he was that I felt safe to be sad there, in that space. I wanted to thank him for creating that for me, but couldn't, I was too caught up in grieving the end of my family.

I worried that when we told the kids, I shouldn't have cried. Because I did, I couldn't help it. But maybe I should have tried harder to be strong. T interrupted me and I got the "sunny, sunny, listen to me!" speech as he pulled close and told me it is OK to be sad, and healing for the kids to see that I am sad about this. It lends more meaning to our family, that it is something I am so very sad about ending.

When we're done, I pause on my way out, by the door, where T is standing. He is talking and kind of spreads out his arms, and for an instant I envision them enfolding me. But it is just a gesture and then the arms are down and he continues to talk. What he is saying, I have no recollection. I am very close to him, face to face. As I turn slightly to go out the door, his arm comes up and around me, as it has a couple of times before, when he has given me little sideways hugs/squeezes around my shoulders. But this time, I am less sideways to him and as he reaches for me, I reciprocate and put my nearest arm around his waist and back, and we have a real hug. He feels good--solid, warm, alive. It is good to be close to him physically after sharing so much emotionally. It feels very natural, not awkward at all. Hug. Whoa. That felt good. Then it’s over and I am out the door. He’s so tall.

[Lemon]

sunny, that was so wonderful. Not, of course, that you are sad and grieving, but that you were able to express it and share it with T. As I've mentioned, I'm not in that place where I can express my grief with T, but I really feel the sadness and wonder what that must be like.

It must have been such a hard experience to discuss the separation with your children. I think that it will be a good thing that you were able to show them that you are sad and hurt about the situation. I think that parent hide their emotions too often from their children.. Hopefully they saw that it is ok to be sad about this. Congratulations on taking this next step. It must have been scary. If you want to share, how did your children respond?

Good luck this week, I feel like it is going to be a hard one for me with divorce issues so I'll be thinking of you and reading how you are doing to gain some strength.

I think that it will be a good thing that you were able to show them that you are sad and hurt about the situation. I think that parent hide their emotions too often from their children.. Hopefully they saw that it is ok to be sad about this.



A lot of us wouldn't be here sunrise, had our families been able to express emotions in a healthy way or engaged us in a dialogue of what was going on around us.

Your kids are lucky to have such a caring mom. I mean that sincerely.

[lauren_helene]

Sunny I'm sorry you are grieving and are so sad.

How wonderful for your T to hug you. I need that so bad right now...

[sunrise]

Thanks Lemon, Petunia, and almedafan.

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how did your children respond?

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They both cried, especially my youngest. It was a sad time for all. I just sat on the couch and cried for a while before getting started. Then I said my stuff. I looked over at my husband while I was talking and he was crying too. My youngest wouldn't look at us the whole time, and just sat in the rocking chair with her back to us and these big dark glasses on, silently crying. Later, she went outside in the dark and stood alone in the pouring rain. My oldest daughter did really well--pretty amazing, actually. She thanked us for not being parents who yell at each other over the dinner table. Afterwards, she even tried to comfort me. She told me I had done a good job telling them. My therapist had said be prepared for questions, but they didn't have any. Since then, they've had some, which I think is good, although my youngest's questions show she doesn't quite "get" what divorce means, and it is heartbreaking.

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Good luck this week, I feel like it is going to be a hard one for me with divorce issues

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Hope things go as well for you as possible, Lemon.

That post was so beautiful. The image. The feeling. Oh, I hope you can hold onto that feeling forever.

[MissCharlotte]

Sunny,

This is a beautiful post. I could just imagine the almost hug, then the turn, and then the real hug!!!

I cried this week for the first time in therapy (11 months). I am so glad I finally could let it out.

((((Sunny & T)))))

sigh