So what is your definition of a difficult client?

As a kind of carry on from monalisasmile's post regarding difficult vs not difficult clients, I'm interested to find out what everyone's opinions are surrounding how they would define "difficult"
So if you were a therapist what features or behaviors would you feel you would view as difficult to deal with??

Personally I think behaviors are in us for a reason but I could imagine a client not talking as being a challenge

The reasons I see myself as difficult are: Lack of communication. Limited ability to recognise feelings, let alone express them. My T knowing that she is the only person I attempt to talk to. (I do attempt with others, I just don't get any words out, that doesn't mean I am not trying). Dissociation, stuckness and blankness. Me not feeling like there is a connection or that T is with me, even when she feels it. Need for out of session contact both by email and text. My honesty. My desire for her to be what she cannot fully be. How long it is taking for me to feel comfortable with even the basic things like asking for the door to be opened or closed or the issues I have surrounding the entrance to the therapy space. I guess for lots of reasons I find myself thinking I am difficult, but this feeling is not entirely limited to therapy and is in my real life too. I often feel I am nothing more than a bother to people.

For me, the three things I find most annoying are whining, people who try to be too good or nice (want to be the best client ever), and those who try to change/control others rather than themselves - so if I (shudder) was a therapist, I think that would be my list.

Thanks for your reply! And you are not a bother. I always feel as though I'm burdening my t with my neediness but T always tells me that I'm not a burden, I'm just struggling right now and its ok to struggle- trying new things or talking about hard stuff is never easy!

For me, I think I became a difficult client when I couldn't hold in and hide my neediness anymore.

I suspect when many people talk about being a "difficult" client they are talking in terms of lack of cooperation, neediness, boundary violations, etc.

I've never had a therapist or pdoc refer to me as difficult in those contexts (or at all actually), but they have expressed concerns about the difficulty of my case due to the severity of symptoms, etc., but they weren't saying that in any way made me difficult to work with, just that my treatment was a professional challenge to them. They rose to the challenge though.

I don't see lack of cooperation (what would that even be?) a problem. The therapist is getting paid no matter what. All they have to do is sit there. It is not their life.

I tried to be gooder than good, and my therapists seemed to eat that up. In perspective, my veneration seemed to feed their omniscience and savior fantasies.

I don't think there are difficult clients. Challenging, yes, but the two are not the same. I do, however, think that there are difficult therapists.

Luckily for me, I am not a therapist. I gave the list of things that annoy me about students and my own clients. I rarely tell them I find them difficult. It is really not something that telling them would be useful for any of us.

I think there certainly are some difficult clients as some people are just plain difficult for just about anyone to deal with, and the ability to deal with difficult clients is hopefully something competent therapists can do. But I suspect as in all things where personalities may collide, a bad mix can lead to a bad therapy situation. (I am in NO way saying that bad therapy situations are always due to a bad mix or in any way the client's fault. I'm just saying that sometimes despite skill and best intentions, personalities will collide and lead to problems.)

I wrote this on the other related thread too -

Difficult to one could be challenging or rewarding to the next, so I think it's fairly subjective.

I had this t, tell me she was frustrated, and finally, because we agreed to be very open with each other, I know it can be frustrating. I'm not being difficult, I just don't get it, I'm not super open, I need t to b specific and just get what I'm feeling, rather than just recommend coping skills.

creating drama
refusing to do the work on issues
constantly whining/ complaining without trying to make things better
not making decent attempts at communication
refusing to pay/ late payments

Your mum was a difficult client?

There really isn't a definition is there. It's all part of the work.
Some nice like to think of themselves as difficult. It gives them a sense of having something they feel is lacking. It puts themselves in a box.

I worry that my neediness will overwhelm the therapist. However,imagining myself as a therapist, I would think that insulting rude and dismissing patients would demoralize me in a hurry. I'm too eager to help/please. I would probably feel too personally gratified by "good" clients. All the more reason I shouldn't be a therapist. Ever

Well I have been told I am difficult because I don't talk much and the therapist has to work harder. I have been told by current t that she gets frustrated because suddenly I will disengage and disconnect and she finds that difficult. She asks me to tell her when I am going to disconnect but I never know until it happens. She says thats ridiculous because I am doing it to myself, it's not just happening to me. I know that's true but I don't need to be punished because I am doing it.

I just find feelings of perceived social or worse -romantic- relationships by a patient to be absolutely wrong. Personally, if the client can't accept this the client should be terminated.

I am with justafriend. I think client who demands some type of intimacy: reciprocate romantic or sexual feelings or demand friendship outside of sessions etc is being unreasonable. People who don't take "no" for an answer could be dangerous, not just difficult. Now feelings aren't wrong, but demands are.

Feelings wrong? Or trying to act them out? I think these are two very different scenarios. How could anyone control feelings based on moral considerations? From all I know, terminating a client for having romantic feelings is often a major traumatizing factor.

I am sorry I could not resist reacting to this but I assume it was meant about the acting out and pushing T's boundaries (as Divine described), not pure feelings?

Every therapist has their own definition of "difficult client." I think it's unfair, unkind and unprofessional of the therapist to share that with the client in most situations. It seems cruel to me.

Therapists should be trained to deal with the things that people here are describing as difficult and if they can't they should kindly refer the patient to someone who might be able to help them.

...or a dangerous client would be deemed dangerous, not difficult, no?

But as far as idealizing the therapist and wanting more of a relationship-that could be a challenge to some, and rewarding to help a client work through this in developing a new sense of self. Psychoanalysts are generally set up to work with clients with these issues, and some may have pursued that type of training because they like working with more complex clients, including the scenerio here.

I am pretty sure that's what justafriend meant, not that it's wrong to want to be with friends with t or even want to jump in bed with them, it's not wrong to feel. But refusing to accept that it's not going to happen and continue harassing and intimating t could become potentially scary and dangerous.

Hmm. There actually are therapists out there who think that the feelings alone corrupt the therapy or get in the way of progress.

You read about it in their blogs or websites, and people here have been told by therapists that they can no longer work with them after the client discloses those types of feelings.