Going over time and charging more?

So I asked him why I pay more some weeks and he said

"The simple answer is probably that I haven't been paying as much attention to the time as I probably should."

That's really frustrating

But that should be on his dime, not yours...
Do you feel comfortable reiterating that you are on a tight budget, and asking that he keep better track of the time? If that doesn't work, can you set an alarm for yourself (on your phone if you can) or start bringing something to keep track of the time with yourself? Ultimately, it's his job to keep track of the time, but if he's being slack about it and then charging you for it, you might need to step in and take over control of that.

It feels uncomfortable to be confrontational but I will if he doesn't offer a better solution. Even without the budget issues, it makes me doubt working with and trusting him. It should be a lot clearer and consistent than it is.

I can relate. I don't do well with confrontation at all. Maybe taking the time into your own hands is a better way to work it then?
I agree also that transparency and consistency are huge factors in trust, especially with a t.
Good luck with it all. Do you plan on talking further with him about this?

I don't feel like talking to him at all. He feels like he's checked out but that could be my mood as well. I sent him this "That's kind of a frustrating answer and not very fair to me. It's hard to know what to expect. It feels random and makes me doubt you." So I'll see what he says. I've felt stuck lately and feel pushed to complete goals every week. I don't do well at goals, I have to do it on my own time when it clicks. I told him that as well. It doesn't feel like we're working together anymore. Maybe I should take a break?

Why are you with this T, still? From your posts, it sounds like there are a whole lot of red flags -- your instinct in seeing it as more than just about time / money is bang-on I'd say -- and little that you're getting out of it?

I understand the power of inertia and attachment but this doesn't seem healthy? And, it doesn't sound like it's something you can actually work out with a T -- because, he seems to have failed in rather fundamental ways.

I'd say look for another T.

A break might be warranted. I'm sorry things have deteriorated and you have lost trust in him. Perhaps it's time to try a new t? I know it can be really difficult to do that though. A good t - one you can learn to trust, and one who works *with* you rather than just in the same room as you - can make all the difference.

I don't know really. It's been 3 years. Maybe I don't even need therapy anymore I don't know. I feeling like I'm just spinning or lost I guess. We haven't really talked about the reasons I started therapy much lately, he's been so focused on goals and that doesn't work for me.

All that sounds very unfair from your therapist. It would make me very upset and I definitely would not allow it and would refuse to pay for extra time that was not asked for and was not agreed upon. It does not sound true that he did not pay attention to the time at all -- he definitely paid enough attention for his own benefit. I would definitely be very vocal about this and would start to manage the time myself if I wanted to stay with him.

It also sounds like he pushes his own agenda with the goals etc. That is also something a therapist should not be doing, they should provide the service they are asked.

No my t does not do this and only once have we ever gone over time. I leave the time keeping to her and if she wasn't watching it would not be my fault or responsibility and there is no way I would pay.

Sometimes you can only go so far with a particular t. If you feel you are in a placethat's comfortable for you, then maybe a complete break from therapy will work. If, however, you feel like there's still stuff that needs addressing, maybe finding another t would be a good option?

I would be bothered by a focus on something that wasn't my own focus. Even when t wants to address something she finds pressing, if I don't agree with that path, we follow what I'd want to cover instead. I think I'd be equally bothered by having to meet weekly goals. Therapy would begin to feel like a chore, at which point it would no longer be useful to me.

He answered my last post with " That's a very fair point. I will be more mindful of the time."

Uh ok so that's it I guess? I don't get what's going on.

That sounds a bit dismissive to me at least. It may "simply" be that he did take advantage of the fact that the sessions did not have to adhere to exact time and charged you sometimes but not every time with the idea that that way he may get away with it as you would not complain each time and get free extra to "compensate". In any case, it seems quite manipulative.

Yeah my gut said he just wanted to charge extra every now an then because he is giving me a discounted rate but I thought he was better than that. I don't know what's going with him. He's usually not that dismissive or uninterested. He feels really distant. I thought it was me and my mood but now I'm thinking it's coming from him.

"I think we often go over a few minutes but when it gets close to 15 min then I usually charge for it. I have tried to be really sensitive to your situation because I know you don't have a ton of wiggle room but that has also led to some inconsistencies."

Does he have a right to do that since I'm not asking to go over, he just doesn't watch the time so we do?

It does seem very arbitrary when he decides to charge you, though. Both my T and marriage counselor have said that it's their job to watch/keep track of the time. MC sometimes goes over (generally if we're on a difficult topic--he seems to look for a good stopping point rather than basing it on the clock, unlike T), but doesn't charge us. To me, it's on your T to keep the time, and he should let you know when you're getting close to when he'd be charging you more for it. MC will often say something like, "We will need to wrap up soon, but..." So maybe your T could say something like that, if you've near the time limit? Or he could say, "We have 10 minutes left--can stay longer, but then I'd have to charge you." Or something like that. If you're able to keep track of your own time, like on your phone or a watch, that might be the best option.

I think it's general practice for T's to be responsible for the time-keeping piece. Every T I have spoken to has been the one to take responsibility for it, and for any overages if they lost track. I've had several student T's, and even when supervisors interrupted to tell them to keep watch of their time, it was always on them, never the client.
I tend to dissociate in session, or get caught up in the topic. At times I notice we have gone over and appologize to T. She always says it's her job to watch the clock...
I think it would be more-so your T's job to watch the clock if he is going to arbitrarily charge over-time. He should at least be alerting you to the time coming to a close, and offering you the option of continuing & needing to pay, or wrapping it up. He doesn't seem too into taking responsibility for it though, so as others have said, your best bet may be to do your own time-keeping.