therapist just terminated with me

Self-care is imperative for you right now. Make sure you eat nutritious food every day, drink enough liquids, preferably non-caffeinated, get outdoors every day or whenever the weather allows. Even 15-20 min walk can shift how you feel temporarily and, if you do it regularly, it'd keep the good energy circulating in your body and won't let you sink completely and permanently into darkness and emptiness. Hot baths are great when you feel intense pain and when you cry. They helped me a great deal to relax and feel nurtured when I was in crisis.

There are many simple things you can do for yourself on a daily basis that help regain emotional balance. Do it even if you have to force yourself. Establish a daily self-caring routine. You don't have to do a lot. Even very small things when done regularly and throughout the day create a lot of positive momentum that facilitates healing. Just do the same things you'd do for yourself if you were physically ill. What you are going through is really no different than a physical illness. After all that emotional devastation, I am sure your adrenals are overstressed and exhausted, which in turn throws a lot of bodily functions out of balance. As you, probably, know, mind and body work as one system and completely depend on one another.

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk privately and get some extra support

I@m sorry to hear what has happened with your therapist. You must be exhausted! But congratulations for taking things further. He shouldn't be allowed to get away with this kind of behaviour!

Thanks Ididitmyway. I am being very self caring. I am being so kind to myself. I am horrified at what I am being put through by this stupid man.
I am in the middle of writing the NHS complaint. It needs to be shorter. It is 20 pages and therefore too long.
I am really glad that he is suspended. His behavior has been unethical and unprofessional and worse, he was letting them paint ME as the problem.
I hope he is sitting in his home or his girlfriends home (whom we suspect was once his client) and realizing that he has truly messed up big time.
I am so grateful to the police for being kind and believing me. I am so grateful that they wanted to hear. I am so grateful to all the people cheering me on as I make sure this man is brought to account for what he has done to me.

The NHS complaint has been sent both by first class post and by email today. 14 pages long. Well, there are a lot of complaints about a whole list of people.
I now have to write the complaint to the professional body. this is a pain. the police have told me that actually I won't have to as the police investigation trumps all complaints procedures.
As I come out of the fog of the therapy relationship, I get clearer and clearer about how abusive it was. I was just way too easy to manipulate and fob off and ultimately trample.
I am planning on leaving the country for a complete break next year, which my GP (doctor) and the police both agreed today is probably the best therapy of all.

Professional body complaint written and sent off. Covered all bases now.

Congrats. It's a big step and the one to be proud of. Now, I think, it's best to let the process work and to focus on your recovery. This I know from experience. Once I sent off my complaint I let go of any desire to control the outcome and that is the main thing that kept me sane and allowed me to recover eventually.

Will do. Have done what I can. Now I have to let go. It is satisfying enough to know that he is suspended from his work until the investigations are complete. that could be quite a while.

Why oh why did he think and other T's think that they can treat us badly and get away with it? Because so many do.

I am going to have a great Christmas. I have done all my paperwork, complaints and statements. He is probably going to have a really awful Christmas. And may that be a lesson to him.

After reading this entire thread,I guess I still don't really understand what has happened here.

From what I have gathered,your T terminated earlier than what you would have liked,you were very upset by it,wanted to have some proper sessions to end therapy with him,did not get them and you reported him for abuse?

Do you think things would be totally different right now if he had done those ending sessions with you?
Would you still be in therapy,and happy with him,happy with therapy,if he hadn't terminated?

I am just trying to understand.

CrispApple
I don't really understand myself.
I think the mess is huge. I think his boundary violations are huge.
'your T terminated with you earlier than you would have liked' is not what happened. We had an agreed ending, next summer. It was carefully worked out. It was negotiated. Much of my trauma comes from abandonment and disempowerment - from early years onwards. I refused to work with this man if he abruptly terminated with me. For six years he assured me he wouldn't. then he did. Because he could. He of all the people on this planet knew what that would do to me as he spent six years listening to the terrror, anguish and despair it had caused for me over and over again. It is why we had a contract - he seduced me into trusting him and telling him my traumas with constant reassurances that he would not suddenly drop me, except for getting run over by a bus. In the midst of all this - he emotionally abuses me by giving me gifts and presents and treats and cards and protestations of love and care and that I am treasured by him. He cuddles me and he also inappropriately touches me. I am like a small child in that room, talking and remembering the traumas. I am so vulnerable. I am so young. I love him dearly like a three yr old would love her daddy. I am blind to what he is doing. when he fears getting found out, he flees. Leaving others to tell me. Leaving me no support. And simply increases his other job to five days a week. He expected me to be fine about being rejected? I don't know. I went into melt down and realise I have been duped and deceived and also abused by him. I tell on him. I didn't want to. I wanted to talk to him and ask him to explain himself. i wanted us to share and tell the good bits, reflect and take good away and make it a good experience. I didn't want it to be the mess that it is.
And it is a mess.
I don't expect you to understand. It is complex. But therapist abuse is a complex thing.
How can I explain it to you when I am only just beginning to unravel what I have been through for six long years, myself.

And no, I hadn't been happy with him in therapy since summer 2015.

When I read through this thread it is so clear to me that he betrayed you. How can betrayal generate such intense feelings and confusion? How can people reading this thread not understand that? Maybe they've never been betrayed?

To me, what MariaLucy's therapist did is blatantly, obviously awful. Here's a discussion of betrayal.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Betrayal

Maybe the people who don't understand don't need to count on anybody anymore so they can't be betrayed? Or maybe it's what is discussed in the last section, "Betrayal Blindness"? People whose loyalty, for whatever reason, is to the institution of psychotherapy. It's unsettling to hear about how the institution, and people within it, hurt the people who they are charged with helping. It's unsettling to hear how others have been hurt -- surely the same thing can't happen to me. So, maybe, it just didn't?

You don't owe anyone any explanation. Being where you are, take care of yourself first. If someone doesn't understand your pain the hell with them. I can tell from experience, it's no use to try to explain what you are going through to those who are not in a position to understand. If someone doesn't get it no need to waste your energy on them or on anyone who is not supportive. Focus on your healing and surround yourself only with those who are providing support.

Maybe it's not that I,or anyone else that doesn't understand it haven't experienced betrayal,maybe some of us see all of this from a different perspective,maybe some of us can see it objectively without an emotional investment where those that have been through therapist betrayal can only see it through their own experience?

I didn't say she was not betrayed.I merely said I was trying to understand.If anyone chooses to label that as not being supportive,or whatever,that's on them,not me.

BTW MariaLucy,thank you for explaining.

I have an emotional investment because I was betrayed in therapy. But I have enough distance from it, plus have done a ton of research on the subject, that I can see it objectively also. From either point of view, the whole thing reeks of exploitation and dysfunction.

I think it's insane when a client ends up in a situation like this, and people confront them about whether continuing would have been any better. That's the whole point… it's a no-win situation. Either you keep going with the toxic charade, or it ends in a big flame-out like this. Wonderful.

I disagree with that in this situation because the thread started off with being very upset about being terminated,then about wanting closing sessions,even talk of reporting the therapist if that didn't happen,it did not happen and therapist was indeed reported,just as stated and intended.So 'asking'(not confronting,big diff in the two imho) seems pretty reasonable to me.

And I can't help but wonder if things would be totally different right now for the OP if he hadn't terminated,if she would still be going to sessions and soaking up the love and care that was previously enjoyed,but taken away so abruptly from her.That seems to be the central problem with all of this,the betrayal by former therapists,and the 'feeling' of betrayal once again,which has caused all of this,that's my perception and I am sorry if others don't see what I see.It is what it is.

It doesn't mean I am not sympathetic with the OP, because I am.But my perception is she was hurt so deeply,felt so very rejected and abandoned...again, and is making this therapist pay for it when it actuality it's a culmination of past experiences and this therapist doing the same was the icing on the cake for her.I actually feel bad for the man,I bet he genuinely cared for her and wanted to help her but due to circumstances beyond his control he had to terminate.And she continued contacting him while he was grieving the loss of his parent,and continued after being told not to.And just would not stop with all of it.

I am not into blaming the client,but if this is the 4 th time being abandoned by a therapist,then I feel that is what needs to be addressed.Is the OP crossing boundaries,demanding more than they are willing to give,is she controlling,manipulative?This is in no way a put down,it's just something that needs to be looked at and taken into consideration.

I am sorry,but this,to me,raises a huge red flag

Does that not sound like revenge seeking behavior to anyone else?It sure does to me.

I don't get it. Who needs to look at this and take it into consideration? Do you? And if so, why?

If this is the 4th time being abandoned by a therapist and none of them have addressed this client's issues effectively -- who's "fault" is that? No matter what issues the client comes into therapy with, if she is in therapy with a therapist for 6 years and those haven't been resolved -- who's "fault" is that? And if the NHS decides it is a client issue, are they prepared to offer some therapy which might be effective at getting at the core of her issues and resolving them?

What does revenge-seeking behavior indicate to you? Is that something which you feel is "wrong" somehow?

No,not me,I think maybe she does,or her mental health providers.And I know nothing about NHS(not even sure what that is) but I feel she probably would benefit from working on the core issues,somehow.

To me it indicates that all of this,reporting the therapist is about revenge.And yes,I do personally feel it's wrong.

Why do you feel that revenge is wrong? Do you know?

And if the reporting is about revenge, why do you think that the client might have that motive? Is it at all possible, in your view, that there could be a justifiable reason?

Why do you feel revenge is okay?Do you know?

Why do you feel the need to question my opinions?Do you know?

I didn't say I felt revenge was OK. I feel it's a complicated emotion and I pretty much know why I feel that way.

Yes, I know pretty well why I'm questioning your opinions.

First of all I would like to call all members attention to this:
http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...ment-here.html
In it, it asks all members not to question a persons experience and that we are here to support each other and not insist on our view of being right.
I am not insisting I am right. I am aware that I have been emotionally, psychologically, physically and sexually abused in therapy. I am not here for you to question my experience. Please read the article above posted by DocJon. It states this need for lack of judgement quite clearly.
If a therapist abuses his position of power by fostering a deep intimate relationship of daughter and father with his client, the client is not to blame. The therapist needs to be taken to account for it.
My confusion is that I loved it. I had never had a dad. I was wide open to being loved in this way. blame me for that if you wish, but don't post your judgements on here.
I adored the cards posted to my home saying that he loved me and would always hold me in his heart. I adored the presents and gifts and treats and outings. I was wide open to being won over. I was won over. Then he dumped me. And he continued working five days a week and actually, we have discovered, continued working with other clients. so he dumped me after promising me so much. Is it my fault he promised me so much? I think not.

I have been let down by four therapists now because I think what happens is that I am obviously a young child in distress inside an adult womans body. they get confused by this. The young child part of me must be very distressing for a therapist to witness as she is in trauma. I too find that part of me overwhelmingly upsetting. So the therapist this time and the woman therapist both went into 'rescue' mode and over reached themselves. Then bailed out because they had over reached themselves.
The first therapist actually lusted after me and planned for six months to have an affair with me. I was in child mode. I didn't see this coming. I never see sexual intent. I am 'too young' to see it, it is my blind spot, from being abused from an early age. This therapist then enacted the most awful sexual assaults for his own pleasure and needs and later admitted it in front of six witnesses. I was most horrified by how he admitted he had a sex addiction and that he had planned to manoever and manipulate me into a position of pliability to do what he wanted to do. And you blame ME for this?

And yes, you can say 'I really feel for the poor therapist' but he is being paid to be trained and professional with child abuse survivors. He is not paid to bail out because he got it wrong and promised too much and then got overly close and then ran leaving no care in place for me.

If you wish to argue with this post, please read the article I have included the link to. If you have a huge urge to jump in and judge me and question my experience, first of all stop and think why and then secondly, stop and remember that is not what this forum is for. We are not here to challenge each others' abuse and experience and say it didn't happen or that we are making it up or that we have got it wrong.

Did the other 3 therapists lose their licenses?

The one who tried to rape me (plus other awful things) lied when he said he was part of a professional body and had a supervisor. He was acting on his own. but he was forbidden by a private mediation process from working for four years and had to go into therapy for his own self admitted sex addiction. He started working again two years later but I had given up on pursuing him by then and got on with my life and vowed never to see a therapist again. unfortunately 15 years later I got seriously brutally bullied by a serial bully at work and broke. The next three therapists abruptly terminated with me with each of them promising they wouldn't unless they were run over by a bus. We must have a lot of bus accidents around here.
I reported the other two but they managed to cover their arses as it is not considered a failing to abruptly and with no reason, abandon a vulnerable at risk client and put no back up in place.

Hmm, 4 in a row.

Maybe the child has a need to be in situations where authority figures get 'destroyed' as a means to deal with those who hurt her in destructive ways.

Like the child, unconscious to the adult, would end up in therapy with a sex addict, or those who are weak enough to be overtaken by their primal needs.

Heres an article about how trauma survivors get retraumatized, if youre interested:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3330499/

I was just reading this yesterday, trying to figure out if there was a renactment going on in my therapy. Its interesting.