[SarahSweden]

Perhaps this is in my head only but I feel a bit sad about that perhaps my T thinks less of me than she appears to do. She hasn´t said anything or done anything that made me think so, these thoughts have more sprung from me realizing we are different in several ways.

For me it´s important that my T thinks I´m "agreeable" and that she doesn´t think I´m hard or boring to work with. As I´m quite a serious person I got the thoughts like she finds me stiff, hard to get to talk about feelings and such things.

I also know that it´s quite fruitless to openly ask her about this as if she really thought I was for example rather boring she would never say so. As she hasn´t shown any specific negatives against me I also don´t want to just say "I think it´s important you find me agreeable". Also then, she wouldn´t contradict me if she didn´t find me agreeable and reveal how she thinks about me.

As my T also isn´t that much into talking about our therapeutic relationship I don´t feel there is much room for these kind of questions. She has several times told me that there´s always something she likes in every client but that´s very vague to me. That could mean she likes one side of me and dislikes several others.

This is also something that would appear at any T I see as no T talks (or should talk) about how they personally feel about a client. But for me, this is hard to handle and even if she told me "I like working with you" or something similar when I brought this up, it hadn´t been enough and I wouldn´t believe her (or any T when it comes to those things)

Anyone who can relate?

[Argonautomobile]

I can relate to the despairing anxiety of never being able to know what others 'truly' think of you. I would say it consumed my life and made me completely miserable from about 12 to 20 years old. I find the Eleanor Roosevelt quote both accurate and comforting:

"You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do."

[mostlylurking]

I completely relate to this Sarah. These same concerns caused me a lot of distress and culminated in me coming in one day (several months in) and telling my T that I didn't think he wanted me as a client, and then I proceeded to be nasty toward myself (I called myself boring and cliched), therapy in general, and even toward him a little bit. (He handled it really calmly and was just wonderful about it really.)

I've been seeing him for around a year and a half now and whatever he thinks of me specifically, I now believe that at least he does genuinely care about me. I don't know where we agree or don't agree but it doesn't feel to me like it matters anymore. He's also very non-judgmental, so I think that if someone had a different opinion than his, he would honestly be more curious about why they think that than he would be rejecting.

I hope that you come to a place like this with your T someday soon.

[wheeler]

I think the best way to approach this would be to bring it up and discuss it with your T. I know for me i tend to ruminate and my thoughts can spin out of control. However i have found talking about it with someone helps a great deal.