Would you mind if the therapist contacted you, unbidden, except for scheduling

I think that each person gets to decide for themselves what is acceptable or unacceptable for them. It's your preference not to want any kind of contact, and it's good that you make it known. Personally, I'm okay with "professional" contact as long as it doesn't get smothering . . . which I've never experienced from any T I've ever seen, and if the T I was seeing started to smother me or go overboard for my own personal boundaries, I'd feel fine about letting him/her know that their contact has become uncomfortable or unwelcome. When I responded to the poll, I mentioned "unprofessional" contact as something I wouldn't like because it wasn't specified in your original question that you were speaking of "professional" unbidden contact only.

I am not trying to set a rule for anyone else. I was merely curious how others felt for themselves.

I realized people were going to unprofessional so I clarified within an hour of the original.

Just to clarify I wouldn't want unprofessional outside contact from a t!

This was never meant to be about unprofessional contact.

I do not want a therapist deciding they think I need or should have X and then acting on it without checking with me. I find the idea they think they get to make such decisions about me quite galling.

I think that the therapist initiating contact once or occasionally outside of session (no matter how professional) runs the risk of creating a lot of problems with clients who desire this type of contact and struggle with the boundaries in therapy. The client might start to expect it more often or misinterpret the T's intention and then it is hard to explain it.

Your reaction to professional contact being "quite galling" isn't a big deal for anyone as far as I can see. Other people, as I'm sure you're aware, might actually like and wish for professional contact from their Ts. I say, to each his own. No way is the right way. I might not want contact outside the session with my T, but I sure think it's okay for someone else to want it. Who am I to tell them that no contact is the only way to engage in therapy.

The only time I think it's harmful is when a client doesn't feel strong enough to TELL a T that the contact he/she is giving is not welcome or makes them feel uncomfortable. Some will put up with the discomfort because he/she doesn't want to offend their T.

I thought this would give me the warm fuzzies until it actually happened. It wasn't even totally unexpected--I didn't know my schedule yet and said I'd just call to make an appointment, T said something like 'if we don't hear from you for a while, would it be alright to call?' and I think I said 'Sure' and promptly forgot about it.

Some weeks later, I get a call from a restricted number and it's my T. It was just bizarre as hell. Like a phone call from another dimension or something--I was really not in 'therapy head' at the time, and it really messed with the compartmentalization that allows me to function.

It was weird. I didn't like it. I'm glad it hasn't happened again.

I am not saying anyone thinks my way is a big deal. I cannot imagine why anyone here would care what I do one way or the other - it does not have any bearing on anyone else. That is most certainly not the point here. Nor am I telling anyone else not to like it if they do. I just wanted to see how others saw it. This was not meant to be a one way is right and other ways are wrong thread- this was meant to just be - how do people do it.

Each to their own, I think it depends largely on our attachment style of outside contact would be welcomed or not!

I would feel uncomfortable if mine contacted me for anything other than scheduling.

[QUOTE=monalisasmile;5316294]Each to their own,.../QUOTE]

I don't think anyone is saying it is not to each their own. I think it would behoove a therapist to check before unilaterally deciding to do it - And I agree if the client does not like it they should tell the therapist (I tell the therapist how screws up weekly)

I felt very cared for the couple of times my T called unexpectedly. She's pretty firm with boundaries so it was a very pleasant surprise when she did call. She knew I was in a pretty severe crisis and called to check up on me. It's great to have that kind of support when needed. And she also knows that I don't want to bother her so I probably wouldn't initiate a phone conversation. But it's only happened a couple of times in over 5 years.

Great. Looks like we agree that everyone is entitled to do therapy their own way and as long as it works for them and they're not hurt by the process, all is cool. Have a great evening!

That was included from the very beginning.

[QUOTE=stopdog;5316338]

I am not saying they are or they aren't not saying each to their own. That's all I am saying that it's for some and not for others. Neither is right or wrong but I would hope a therapist would have the sense to know who it would work for and who it wouldn't before trying such an endeavour.

How would a therapist be able to know such a thing without asking first? I certainly have no belief in a therapist being able to glean such a thing.
I did not leave such a thing to the therapist's discretion (I have no faith in the woman having any) - I told her upfront that I would be very displeased if she ever attempted such a patronizing thing without leave.

Although I often fantasise about T contacting me out of the blue and things of that nature, I know that things could get weird and confusing if she did. I have rather intense maternal transference towards my T and even though it is hard to deal with, I am glad my T has such strong boundaries.

Not too long ago I told T I was going to take a little break from therapy and I wasn't sure how long it would be but thought it would be something like 2-3 weeks. T asked me if I would like her to get in touch with me if I didn't contact her in a couple of weeks and even though I thought that would be really nice, I said no because I knew deep down I didn't need it and was able to contact T on my own.

I put other because I think most of the time I would hate it but if she knew I was really struggling or something it might be okay. but I don't think she would do that anyway.

My T has contacted me unbidden, several times in the 6 years I've been seeing her. Once it was to wish me a happy birthday. Another was when I didn't contact her for a while when my H was in the hospital. A couple other times she sent me links to articles she thought would be of interest to me, relating to my therapy. I'm not sure if those count. I always like when she contacts me when I don't expect it, unless it's to cancel a session!

Ex T emailed once to say she had sorted out the AC in her place. I appreciated it as being too hot was a source of anxiety. I'm not sure I'd want T to contact me other than that. Sometimes I daydream of T checking up on me but I know that they wont. I guess my answer is that I wouldn't want a T to email me, it would blur boundaries too much BUT that I see purpose in some instances (like the AC anxiety I had)

I would be okay with it in VERY RARE situations -- like cancelling an appointment (I suppose that's scheduling, though) or maybe if I were to be hospitalized for mental health issues, if she called to check in on me. But even that situation is iffy to me.
I have to get in a certain mindset for therapy sessions. To be contacted by my therapist outside of those sessions unexpectedly would unsettle me, and I would definitely feel like s/he was intruding on my personal life.

My T has emailed me links to articles or videos that relate to what we talked about in session. I did not find it intrusive at all, because it was email and I could read it (or not) when I chose. That's just my experience though.

Mine did once, she asked me for the name of the couples counselor I was seeing at the time.

It was just a brief, to the point text. I didn't mind and was happy that she thought of me - apparently - to recommend this person to someone else.

ETA: Oh, there was just a couple of other times- but those were central around our appointment, once when the weather was getting dangerous, she called to see if I still wanted to come in (tornadoes were common in this area at that time of year). I had already driven over there to beat the storm.

Another was to let me know that she had a cold and wanted to let me know —if I didn't want to be around a sick person. The later was kind of odd because I don't recall ever expressing a germ phobia but I thought it was very considerate. I seriously wondered though if she had texted ALL her clients that day to let them know she had a cold.

None of these bothered me and I get a little bit of a thrill when she does text but she's very very sparing about it. The total amount to 3 times in 3 years or so.

That reminds me of another thing. My CC send me a text with a goofy drawing to remind me of something positive. It was cute and made me smile.

If it was for professional reasons like scheduling then it's fine. Otherwise I think it needs to be clearly established that its ok with the client first. There is no way for a T to know if would be helpful or not without asking and it's very presumptuous for one to believe otherwise.