Time Between Sessions

First, I just want to say that I'm brand new to these boards and so grateful to everyone here who has so openly shared their experiences. I've been with my T for nearly a year (my first time ever in therapy), and strong attachment feelings for her have come out of nowhere in the last couple of sessions. I guess it feels like a strong level of maternal transference? It surprised me a lot, because I never felt any dependence AT ALL before this and I'm now struggling with new feelings of anxiety and longing to see her between sessions. We are on a schedule of one session every two weeks (which she indicated won't change), but I now seem to be going through a cycle of affection for her (in the first week after the session) and then strong anger/resentment (in the second week after). I admitted some level of how I was feeling in our last session, but I feel like she's useless at helping me process these strong feelings with such long intervals between sessions. The distance between us that grows while I'm away from her for what feels like such a long period of time, just seems to further my attachment/abandonment/rejection fears. This is why I hate attaching to people. My question is, does every two weeks sound healthy for someone with my issue? Or does transference require more time together to work things out? I feel like I am forcing away all of my attachment to her over the time between our sessions and we are therefore losing the chance to explore this because it makes me want to close back up and not trust her anymore. I never ever contact her between sessions, as I'm fearful of her rejection and don't feel like she would be open to it unless it was an emergency. To her credit, we do have an amazing connection and the less dependent/needy version of me likes her a lot. This is driving me nuts. Sorry for the long post. I do hope this made sense.

I think you would benefit from my frequent therapy. I go 2x weekly. The work we do would never get done if I went less.

I go every other week with no contact between sessions however, if I'm going through a rough patch she will give me an extra session between sessions. You may need to call your insurance company to see how many appointments you are approved for. If you are able to go more, you may want to ask your T for a weekly appointment. Good luck!

Have you asked her for ideas on how to cope during the week (ie. mindfulness, writing)?
What is the t's reason for keeping sessions to every other week and not increasing?
Can you ask your t what her out of session contact rules are? Maybe you could send her an email once or twice during the two weeks off to help you process some of your feelings. If you find email is allowed, ask if you will get a response so you know what and what not to expect.

Thank you for the responses. So my insurance coverage ran out a couple of months ago, and now we are on a "pay whatever you can" until my insurance comes back in January. That being said, it's translated into me largely being at her mercy because I just don't have a lot of money to pay her out of pocket. She dictates the frequency of our sessions at the moment. Frankly, seeing me once every two weeks with this financial arrangement feels like a generous act on her part, considering how high her regular fee is. That's why I don't even feel like I can rightfully ask for any more time than I'm getting. I just feel so powerless. I brought up the transference issues and she responded in a very supportive way, but made it firmly clear that I was to value the one hour I do have with her every two weeks. I really do actively spend tons of time doing all of the coping work she's asked of me since I met her - to build my own resilience. I am working so hard to break free of dependent thoughts, but these last couple of weeks specifically is hurting a lot and just making me lose faith in the therapy process. I really dislike my financial position right now, but I'm a struggling student and can't help that. I probably should have thought about that before pursuing this in the first place. A big part of me is wishing I had never started to see a therapist. Now the therapy is causing significant pain on top of everything else I already had going on in my life.

Yeah, that can happen and it sucks ***. I'm sorry you are experiencing this. Attachment issues run deep. Many t's underestimate the power of the hold that it can take over on a client. Takes a lot of time, effort, and patience to work through these attachment issues with a good, safe, understanding t. If your t isn't well versed in the power of attachment, and, if you aren't too far into being attached to this t (meaning you can break away), might you consider looking for another t that has experience in working through attachment issues with clients? Along with the reason you originally started to see a t?

I really appreciate your understanding. I did consider switching to someone else, but I am someone who tends to strongly resist attachment to maternal figures (years of maternal rejection will do that to a person). I was surprised to discover the strong feelings for this therapist. I kinda feel like starting over with someone new, combined with my leaving the attachment to this therapist unresolved, may make it impossible to open up and attach to a new person. Have you had any experience with switching? Is attachment hard to build with someone new after strong transference with the previous therapist?

It's horrible to not be able to afford what you feel you need. I see mine fortnightly - which is fine for me now but I still need to remind myself that while I might like to see her more, I really don't need to. When I first dropped down it felt hard to cope for two weeks between sessions so I'd journal, do lots of self care type activities and plan something nice in the time I'd usually have my session with her.

I wonder if it would help to think that you're not "at her mercy", but you do have a limited budget for therapy and it's responsible of you to work within it. It does sound like she's trying to work with you on letting you "pay what you can" but I could also see she may not be able or willing to increase sessions with you until your insurance kicks back in. I guess the love/hate feelings might learn if you didn't feel the limit on therapy was something she's doing to you, that she could change if she wanted to/really cared etc.

The feelings may or may not be transference (ie feelings for her that belong rightly to someone else), they may just be feelings ie that you like her, want to feel cared for by her, miss her - that's all ok and natural. Your feelings will change in time, fornightly therapy can be very effective with the right person - certainly it's better than no therapy....

If I were in your shoes, I would think that FOR ME, fortnightly would be best.


Reason being, while it would suck and be highly uncomfortable, maybe even downright volatile in my head at times, being able to pull it off would give me reason to believe that I can and will adjust to it, (which means the feelings would sort themselves out natural and gradually) and in turn just knowing that I am coping would make me feel better about myself.


I would consider it a type of impromptu exposure therapy.


But that's just me.

I pay out of pocket, my t doesn't take insurance and my deductible is so flipping high I'd never meet it anyway to submit for out of network reimbursement. For awhile now I've been going every 2 weeks. But right now, I've been going through a bit of a needy period, needy of t, and we talked through it and I told her if I could afford it I would want to come twice a week, but no way could I afford that. So what we're doing instead (her suggestion) is I'm going once a week for a little bit and we're just doing half-sessions each time so I'm not paying any more than usual, but I'm seeing her more often for a shorter session. We'll see how that works, I had a half-session over the weekend and we got a lot talked through (I had gotten mad at her the previous session for pushing me about something) and we talked through that and worked on a couple dreams and it all fit in the 30 minutes. Seeing her after only a week, seemed to already start calming down the extreme neediness I'd been feeling. Maybe your t would be open to something like that? I wish you all the best.

To me that sounds just plain unhealthy and distressing. You get a tiny dose of the thing you crave, then are kept away for two weeks wherein you struggle alone with the feelings and impulses that were stirred up in the session. I also think your therapist's suggestion to value the time you do have indicates some level of ignorance about how these things tend to go. As the paid clinician she ought to make sure that she is first doing no harm, rather than feeding you some it's-better-than-nothing logic.

Even if that meant terminating, because fortnightly isn't enough for the client and even with a reduced rate they can't afford weekly or twice weekly sessions?

I really agree with this, but feel trapped about what to do. My insurance coverage is expired until the new year when it kicks back in. Reduced-rate sessions are not something a brand new T would ever offer me. The current one only did it because we had an established rapport, and I assume she offered it to ensure that she retains me for when the funds do kick back in. She's already earned quite a bit from me through my insurance last year and this year. In a financial sense, I believe I am valuable to her. That being said, next year looks like it'll be pretty painful again because my coverage will only get me so far and the attachment feelings are new. I really hope I can get over them and be less dependent on her.

I do appreciate everyone's suggestions of how to cope in between, and trying to spin this as a positive. I just recently endured a big loss/crisis in the last couple of months that has me in higher distress these days. Perhaps time will heal and I will stop looking at therapy as such a critical and needed part of my life (I hope).