[Out There]

I'm ranting. EMDR T's supervisor has stuck her oar in really badly and caused more trauma. I'm working on the theory that ranting makes us feel better. Regular T screwed up a couple of weeks back and owned his part in it. So does anyone want to join me in the screw up rant and maybe we'll all feel better.

It does hurt when they screw up! Especially when they do it in a way that touches on previous trauma. I remember T taking sides with T1 once (at least that's what I felt like he was doing) and I felt abandoned. He did own his part in it too though (your main T seems a lot like mine) and when T1 reappeared, my T was firmly rooted in my camp this time around.
I do hope your EMDR T rediscovers their autonomy and does what is right for you regardless of supervisor meddling. I have a friend who is currently stuck in the middle of her supervisor and her organisation, and I just want to say "This is your practice, not your supervisor's!"

[Out There]

Thanks Echos - that's exactly what's happened that it's touched the trauma from another T ( and a whole caboodle of other people ). I think he did recover in the session but I've emailed him for the first time ever and told him bluntly that he's getting it right and she's getting it wrong.

Originally Posted by Out There

Thanks Echos - that's exactly what's happened that it's touched the trauma from another T ( and a whole caboodle of other people ). I think he did recover in the session but I've emailed him for the first time ever and told him bluntly that he's getting it right and she's getting it wrong.

Well done for advocating for yourself, Out There. It's not an easy thing to do.
T related trauma is so bad because we are so vulnerable as clients. I sometimes feel like Ts need that spelling out to them. It's an extra leap of empathy, to not only walk in our shoes, but to look at their own role in a different way. Hopefully your forthrightness will be heard

[musinglizzy]

Yeah, this hits all too close to home. Does a person ever really "get over" therapy-related trauma? Most of you know my story with T1. I'm still seeing her, but a year and a half later, I'm nowhere near healed from that rupture. Things in life just kept spiraling out of control....and continue to. Gee thanks, T.

[Out There]

Yeah , I think this guys supervisor is the twin sister of the traumatizing therapist and now I'm thinking maybe your T is their triplet ! If you didn't laugh you'd cry......

Sometimes supervisors get it wrong, very wrong! I am happy your t is rectifying it Out there
Love this ranting thread, there is great healing in ranting.
My t has never mentioned her supervisor, I wonder does she bring her mistakes to supervision, probably not because she would have to admit she made one then!

[Out There]

Dear Supervisor :-)

Recipe for disaster.

Step 1 ) Take one client who has been severely traumatized by never getting the help and support they want / need and ask for.
Step 2 ) Ask them to make a list of what they want / need.
Step 3 ) Ignore completely what it is they want / need
Step 4 ) Add a large tablespoon of thinking that you know best what they want / need ( this will add flavour and is best added after you've PARTICULARLY ignored how much this f@cks them off and is clearly stated on the list you asked for )
Step 5 ) Remove two more of the things they want from the mix.
Step 6 ) Remove yourself from the kitchen and get your supervisee to stir the pot for you.
Step 7 ) Bring to the boil.

" God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change , the courage to change the things I can change , and the wisdom to bury the bodies of all the people I had to kill because they pissed me off ".

*********



You mean to tell me you were traumatized by a T who didn't know any better, only to be traumatized AGAIN by the supervisor of this T ? Is that right ?

I'm no T but is common sense so rare to find these days?

[atisketatasket]

Yeah...this is the story of my rupture with No. 3. Resumed now after a brief hiatus!

[Out There]

Originally Posted by Cthrume

*********



You mean to tell me you were traumatized by a T who didn't know any better, only to be traumatized AGAIN by the supervisor of this T ? Is that right ?

I'm no T but is common sense so rare to find these days?

Yep.....

[t0rtureds0ul]

Originally Posted by Out There

Dear Supervisor :-)

Recipe for disaster.

Step 1 ) Take one client who has been severely traumatized by never getting the help and support they want / need and ask for.
Step 2 ) Ask them to make a list of what they want / need.
Step 3 ) Ignore completely what it is they want / need
Step 4 ) Add a large tablespoon of thinking that you know best what they want / need ( this will add flavour and is best added after you've PARTICULARLY ignored how much this f@cks them off and is clearly stated on the list you asked for )
Step 5 ) Remove two more of the things they want from the mix.
Step 6 ) Remove yourself from the kitchen and get your supervisee to stir the pot for you.
Step 7 ) Bring to the boil.

Yup, thats pretty much my story too. My T's supervisor even lied to the police and seemed to actively encourage him to stalk me and destroy my life even more

[MBM17]

My first therapist 8 years ago told me I was in love with him. He was the first person I felt like I'd truly opened up to. It wrecked me for therapy. Even though I've been in therapy ever since then with different therapists, he left long-lasting damage. Now, 8 YEARS LATER, I'm doing EMDR with my current therapist to try to get over the damage of my first therapist because it's STILL affecting me. It made me unable to be totally open. It made me worry so much about how I was coming across that I kept all the most intense stuff inside and just dealt in therapy with more surface stuff.

It makes me cry sometimes that someone who was supposed to help did so much damage.

I feel ya, Out There.

[Out There]

Thanks to everyone who has shared their stories and pain and has contributed to this thread. I threatened my previous traumatizing T with a formal complaint which I didn't have any intention of actually doing , I just wanted her responses and reflection ( which I got ). I went into EMDR and the first thing we worked on was the T's retraumatisation. I did well with EMDR , but now this supervisor has pulled the same stunt. I have less trauma but also less tolerance for this now , so I may go a bit further with a complaint. They really need to take it on board the damage they do , that they can't sit in ivory towers being egotistical and thinking they know best and messing about with peoples trauma. We will see what transpires , and they may have second thoughts before they do it to other people.

[here today]

Don't know if it will help but there is a 2014 book that seems like it addresses the situation a little bit. It's called "Traumatic Narcissism", subtitle "Relational Systems of Subjugation" by Daniel Shaw.

The last chapter is entitled "Analytic Love Revisited: Narcissists 'R' Us".

I expect you're already aware of a blog several years old about "Is your Therapist Retraumatizing You?" There was nothing there except a warning so that clients could take care of themselves but I was too unaware/out of things several years ago so I don't think it could have helped me then. And who is going to look for an article like that before they've experienced therapeutic trauma? It just seems/feels to me so much like malpractice but according to my state's ethics code it doesn't seem to be. Eventually . . .? ? ?

[Out There]

I don't think I could say this was ethics or malpractice either , it's egotism and arrogance and very probably narcissists R us. But it's damaging even if it's not unethical. Thanks for the links.

Originally Posted by Out There

I don't think I could say this was ethics or malpractice either , it's egotism and arrogance and very probably narcissists R us. But it's damaging even if it's not unethical. Thanks for the links.

Non-malificence (do no harm) is one of the fundamental principles of the bacp ethical framework. So if harm has been done her actions may be unethical.
The difficulty is that you have no direct experience of her actions, only what you know of through the T (if I understand correctly) so it would be difficult to prove anything against her. In fact I'm not even sure they would accept a complaint as you're not directly employing her.
It sounds like such a frustrating situation.

[objectclient]

The title of this thread jumped out at me because it hits close to home for me too with ex T and then the subsequent Ts opening a can of worms and leaving me with unmet childhood needs and feelings of abandonment, rejection, shame etc.

It gets me really angry reading about Ts ****ing people up It's seems a common occurrence that isn't acknowledged publicly or by the profession itself. I think a therapy revolution is in order !

I think that what is more retraumatising is that therapist give away so much power to their supervisors. Therapists know their clients better and should really trust that and often they don't trust their own relationship with their client. I hope you can work through this with someone you feel comfortable with Out there, I am wondering if it feels safe with your t after this?

I'm only in training and when my friend had trouble with her supervisor, our tutor said "who paying who?" And "This is your practice" which made me realise a lot of important stuff. The supervision is important but it's a supportive role, not dictatorial.

[Out There]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

I think that what is more retraumatising is that therapist give away so much power to their supervisors. Therapists know their clients better and should really trust that and often they don't trust their own relationship with their client. I hope you can work through this with someone you feel comfortable with Out there, I am wondering if it feels safe with your t after this?

Good points here Mona , thanks. I had a chat with a friend this morning , and I've ended up with " retraumatization by proxy " because my T gave away his power to his supervisor. I don't really feel safe and I have considered termination. I'm now experiencing physical flashbacks , my lower back has given out ( not being supported ho ho ) and I'm not safe to drive at the moment. I'm going back on Wednesday ( unless I change my mind in the interim ) but I will never consult another therapist after this. They should realise people are unique individuals who don't fit their textbooks and theories. T recovered in session and said " people aren't in your brain to know what causes trauma ". Right. And his supervisor needs to get that as well.

[MBM17]

I'm doing EMDR right now with my current therapist about my damaging first therapist.

After EMDR last week, I had some breakthrough massive emotions this week from long ago, emotions I didn't have words for now because I didn't have words for them then.

I'm hoping, though, that after doing EMDR about the trauma of my first therapist, I'll be able to have a better relationship with my current therapist, and I won't be so scared all the time about doing the wrong thing in therapy. I want to swear that therapist to hell for all he caused.

I made the mistake of looking him up this week. Don't do it.