Can't tell T and getting desperate

I need to tell my T something but every time I try to tell her I clam up and cry instead. I've tried writing it down but I can't do that yet. I know not to rush into sharing things when you're not ready but I need to get this out. I'm dreaming about it almost every night, its gotten to the point I'm scared to sleep.
I'm becoming desperate, its so intrusive and intense I'm struggling to cope.

Any thoughts you have are much appreciated, thank you in advance.

Could you just write down "I need to tell you something but I'm afraid to. Please help me tell you." (or something like that) and hand that to your T? And then maybe your T will work with you to get it out? Also, is it something you could tell part of, but not all? Like tell a little bit the first time, then more later?

I've told her I have a problem, and we've been working on the source of the problem. I know what it is and I've told her I know. I've managed to tell her we were at the dinner table, but that's as far as I can go. It's what happened at the table I can't talk about. This has been on going for weeks now.

I hope you can make sense of that. It would be so much easier if I could write it down. :/

Maybe you could make a list of words that you associate with what happened, and you might get some relief from telling her these words? You wouldn't be saying what it was, but you'd be describing it indirectly. Any words at all, whether emotions or adjectives or items in the room -- even "broccoli" if that was on the table -- just anything your brain connects to this event? Maybe if you talk around it, some precise words about exactly what happened will slip out too.

And just know you are not alone in this, so many people here have described the agony of trying to get something out while in session.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I've been there! I don't really have any advice, just that you will know when you are ready. I know the agonising frustration that you are going through and I hope you find the words soon to get some relief.

I'm sorry you are struggling so badly with this.
One thing that has helped me was talking about not being able to talk about it. It took a few sessions, but I finally couldn't talk around it anymore without t getting confused. It was easier to tell her after I talked about what scared me about saying it. Not sure if it will help you, but might be worth a try if you hadn't gone that route yet.

write a note ? make a collage from magazine photos? draw a picture?

Write it down and hand it to her. That is what I used to do when I had a hard time discussing things that were difficult. Hopefully she will be able to help you by asking questions.

I also would write down what it was that I was scared to talk to T about and hand it to her. Then she would at least know what the problem was.

Sometimes we can't tell yet...for a reason. Be gentle with yourself. The right time will come & you'll work out how to get it out...

In order for my T to make any kind of sense of what I need to say I have to be pretty specific and that's where the problem is. I've spent the last few hours breaking it down into single words and only one seems to be sticking. It won't leave my head, hopefully next session I can tell her, even though it won't make any sense to her.

I need a practice run. Or 5.

I managed to tell my T most of the past trauma this morning. It was difficult and tearful but I told her enough today to feel slightly better until we can carry on with it next week.

Thank you to everyone for replying to me you all gave me the strength and support I needed to do this today.

Good for you. That is fantastic and it is good that it has helped. I wish I could make that lesson stick! I hope the time passes well for you before the next session.

Way to go! What helped you be able to tell her? Did you write it down after all?

I couldn't see it written in my own handwriting (I tried a few times) so I talked to her and explained it was past trauma and how it affects me. With her help I was able to say enough that she put it together and asked if she had understood me. Luckily she'd understood most of it and I only had to explain a couple of bits to her.

We're working on it again next week, hopefully I can finish telling her next week.