Couch 125 - We shall survive!

I don't remember how it came up yesterday evening in therapy, oh yeah I do it was when we were talking about her comment from Saturday "How am I failing you as your t?" (that last night she said she shouldn't have said) she started talking about our relationship - how it's so personal and intimate yet professional at the same time, and how it's so unique there's nothing else like it. That's so true for me. I told her in response that while yes I have a problem sometimes with the limits of this relationship, at the same time, it's her sitting over there being human and sometimes making mistakes that is so helpful for me. (because I can see first-hand that even though she makes mistakes, she has overall been so super helpful for me. so if she can be imperfect yet successful, maybe I can too!!)

ETA: I completely forgot where I was going with that.

Yeah I knew that was your post before I looked to see whose it was! heh

This completely describes me too!! Disorganized attachment is viscous and not fair. It truly sucks!!

I truly considered that, and the "I'm a willful, defiant, bad little girl" took over. I couldn't be brave enough not to call.

12 yo and "Be the Bop" to the rescue!!

I've never done that before! Asked a part of me to step up and handle something that I couldn't do. It felt pretty good to me and that part. The 12yo felt big and strong, and I felt cared for and taken care of.

Pretty cool experience!!

((( Crocus ))) I totally understand.

No need to apologize among ones who understand.

Someone I know with DID does this. She told me that when she can't handle facing work (long hours in high stress job, plus here you can't get sick leave for mental health), she "shuts down" and another alter goes to work.

I found it really creative. Apparently her colleagues and clients don't notice.

Reading your post, it just struck me.

How cool is it, to look at it as a resource instead of viewing it as something you are a victim of. Hum.

I like that. I've never thought of it that way and I have to say again, it felt pretty cool to have the ability to do that today!

Thank you QM for sharing that!

I didn't even know there was a Tylenol 2 or 3 OR 4 I am assuming Tylenol + Codeine is something..but that's all i've ever heard of.
HAHA! That is so SD.
I read something about DID a long time ago that was to the effect that people with DID are extremely creative, because as a child, that is an amazingly creative way to deal with trauma and abuse. I had never thought of it like that, but it is so true!

I have to stay away from the news.

Plastic island: How our trash is destroying paradise

This article left me feeling really angry how we let this happen. These animals actually eat plastic. There is so much unnecessary plastic used in the US. Other nations I've been to don't use 1/2 the plastic. It was really noticable to me.

That is so awesome and if I do call (which of course with my "good little girl" complex I will, who am I kidding) I am totally going to do this.

I just had a big ol' aHA moment... re: what happened last Saturday in therapy, not to beat a dead horse or anything but.... yeah. I had already realized and shared with t last night that the pain I'd been holding onto for so many years over what my mother had said in that letter, that I'd been wearing that pain as like a shield against further hurt by her, and so when I forgave her and released that pain last month it left me vulnerable to her... and I didn't even realize that.... but BUT this is the aHa, she called me that Friday night before my Saturday session (because she had forgotten to call on Thanksgiving with all the chaos in my sister's house where she had been) so there I was, talking to her the night before, all vulnerable, not even realizing it consciously, and the feeling part of me basically just took off...went on vacation.... I didn't know it.... my h and son didn't see it.... but t saw it immediately on Saturday morning when I got to her office.

Wow.

Please post here when you do! If it's ok, I'd love to be a rider for support.

If that's ok.

"Tylenol #3 is a mix of 30mg of codiene and 325mg of acetominephin
Tylenol #4 is 60mg of codiene and 325mg of acetomiephin

So...Tylenol-4 is twice as strong as #3, and also a narcotic."

My h's esp h2 used to handle the calls and my parents were fine with it, thats how weird things were.

That's so great that he would do that for you! That surely felt safe to you I bet. I'm glad he did that for you!!

Please be careful with that. The acetominephin is so not good to the liver.

You could always drink some lemon water to detox your liver from it, after taking it.

Forgive me. Just wanted to share that.

(((Artie)))wow. I just flashed back on all the times my ts got mad at me for that! I get it, NOW! oh hwell

It wasnt often but it was memorable and yeah a huge sense of relief.

I'm so glad you had that and felt that!! It sounds so safe and cares for!!

Someone please distract me. I have been succssfully distracting myself but I took my last prescribed valium 2 hours ago and now want another one. I have taken a walk, exceeded the word limit for my assessment, listened to music , walked the dog, done the washing. Now I am trying to distract myself with online things. I haven't had it for so long I didn't think it would be a problem.

BCM, it may not help you in this moment but have you ever tried chamomile extract? I use that. I put a few drops under my tongue for 30 seconds (which stings because it's an alcohol tincture but oh well) and I do get mild sedative effects, but it can't really be abused and is not addictive. It's not super strong, but it's noticeable and is a safe "go to". When used consistently, some research indicates it may be a mild anti-depressant like St John's Wort is.

ETA: Some people are allergic to anything in the daisy family though, in which case you shouldn't use chamomile. Maybe try the tea first if you aren't sure (but realize the tea is nowhere near as effective as the extract).

I am in tears right now because my soon to be former primary care dr screwed up my prescription amounts AND my insurance. I don't know to fix this. Cvs blames the doc and doc blames cvs. My medication ins is cvs too so no tie breaking vote on who effed up

I am allergy to echinacea is that related?

((growly)) That sounds heartbreaking and complicated to fix.

Shall I make a new couch?