[stolen_innocence08]

a few weeks ago i had a difficult session with t. whilst it was difficult it was a step into a deeper trust. he found things out about me and or my past that were very shame filled. i feel so much closer to my t, also absolutely terrified (i have a disorganised attachment pattern and also a past bpd diagnosis so the second i feel close i tend to pull away but then be over the stop clingy too) but ive been fighting those attachment feelings and putting them to the side and trying to not pull away. I want to be closer to my T. I feel closer to my T. It fills me with the deep desire to accept it and get closer yet at the same time im absolutely terrified of it and it's making me sick to my core, even leaving his office at the center I refuse to leave and feel anxious cos i am so attached.

That aside, after the difficult session, putting aside my attachment disrorder, I feel a great appreciation for my T. Nobody has ever took the time to understand me like he has. I feel cared for, I know I am - all the things he's done to try and get into my point of view. Do you tell T how you feel, just a genuine sense of warmth/thank you? It's special to me cos its never happened like this before. but it's just t's job, and i'd feel slightly ashamed to say it.

[coolibrarian]

Yes, it's It's job, but everyone appreciates being thanked. Do it.

[annielovesbacon]

I'd definitely bring it up next time you see him! Everybody appreciates a genuine "thank you," even if it's just for doing their job. Plus, if you tell him how you feel, it lets him know he's doing a good job, and he can keep doing a good job if he knows what's working.
I'm so glad you are feeling so close to your T!

[stopdog]

I continue to pay her. I don't know what else would be needed. Outside of being willing to pay her a fee each week to not really do anything, I don't know why I would need to do anything else.

i often tell my t thank you, sometimes send her little cards, and we always give birthday and christmas presents for each other. people always like to be appreciated.

Why not show appreciation to someone for doing a good job? I thank my therapist each time at the end of the session when I pay (that is just what I do with every service provider, also with colleagues) and if I particularly liked something, will elaborate on it in more detail. Sometimes I send him an email after the session and reflect on it that way.

[stolen_innocence08]

i can feel he cares. i can feel the understanding. and how comitted he is to seeing this through with me. there has been a big shift since truly feeling his care. i want to say thank you or write a letter but i dont know why there is so much shame. it's special to me cos nobody has ever really done this for me before. you know? whilst not so for t.

I'm sorry you're feeling shame about it. I did too at first - well, not sure it was exactly shame, but something like that, I felt very shy about it and embarrassed. But now I tell my t often how much I appreciate her. For so many things - I feel her caring, she sees me, truly sees me for who I am, and just overall 'gets' me which is something rare for me because I grew up feeling like I was not worthy of being seen and so began my life long up until therapy with her habit of hiding from the world. I have written her several poems over the 5 years I've seen her, and we have spent countless sessions talking about my feelings for/about her and the gratefulness that I feel for her help. It was hard the first time, but it definitely got easier each time and now it's just natural like anything else we talk about. I wish you the best however you decide to handle it. I think your t would appreciate you saying "thank you". I would think everyone likes to hear when they're doing a good job.

[MBM17]

My first therapist traumatized me in this respect. He told me I was in love with him. I have no idea where he got that idea. He's the first person I really tried to be 100% me with. It was devastating and left shrapnel throughout my psyche. Because of that, I have been super hyperaware of anything I did that might possibly indicate any kind of attachment. I didn't say thank you to therapists for like 7 years of therapy with 9 or so therapists. Of course, most of them weren't helpful or caused destruction themselves, so there wasn't much positive to compliment on, but I'm naturally gifted at seeing good in others, so even with those therapists there were things I wanted to say thank you for. I didn't. I was too scared they'd tell me I was too attached or something.

With my current therapist, I didn't say thank you until two years in, and even then, I was really, really scared that he would throw his hands up and say, "Wow, that's enough, girl you're way too intense and too attached, leave."

In the year since then, I've said thank you a few more times. I sent him an email this week (which was an assignment). I couldn't figure out what to say, so I said thank you and told him the two ways he has helped me most. This session, he said, "Wow. That was so kind. Just really, really nice. It left me kind of stunned. In this field, you don't get much back [meaning clients don't put positive energy towards the therapist, or something like that], so that was really nice to read."

I think if a therapist is really helpful, it is nice to tell them that. Like someone else said, saying "this was really helpful" can give them an indication of how to keep helping us most effectively.